Whole lotta muscle (car)

Behind the sophisticated veneer of latte-sipping, Ralph Lauren-wearing and Peugeot-driving lies a love that cannot often express its name.

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EVERY one of us harbours a secret. Behind the sophisticated veneer of cafe latte-sipping, Ralph Lauren-wearing, Peugeot-driving and Game of Thrones-watching lies a love that cannot often express its name.

But today I reveal it! Australians love muscle cars. And they love Australian muscle cars even more. Tomorrow I'm spending my birthday and $500 driving a V8 Supercar around Sandown. And I'm not alone. Last week, record crowds hot-footed it out to Sydney's Eastern Creek for the 2013 Australian Muscle Car Masters to see the universe's biggest collection of Bathurst 1000 cars including Mark Skaife and Jim Richards's Godzilla (Nissan GTR), the 1986 and 1997 winning Commodores and the 1967 Needham Motors Studebaker Lark.

The year 1967 was critical in Australian history. It marked the first time a local muscle car, the Ford Falcon GT, had competed. And of course you know they took first and second, beating - wait for it - two Alfa Romeos.

But back to Eastern Creek 2013. Even God got a look in. As the local publicist said, "There was a conversion of biblical proportions." Jesus Racing, a serious competitor in the Auto One V8 Ute championship in a Ford, entered the lookalike ex-Colin Bond and John Harvey Marlboro Holden Dealer Team SLR 5000 Torana. Naturally the Marlboro branding was also converted to Jesus. Now we all forget what a large role cigarettes played in our sport. The big race was the Gallaher 500, there were Craven A promotional persons giving out free samples and in those days Peter Jackson wasn't a Lord of the Rings.

Unfortunately, the devil had his way with Jesus and the engine blew up on the dyno last week so it was a godless weekend. At the Saturday night dinner, legendary Bathurst commentator, Seven's Garry Wilkinson (who I used to work with so he must be over 100 now) hosted the Legends Dinner where Fred and Christine Gibson talked about their time as the legendary first couple of Australian racing.

Actually, Fred drove the winning Falcon GT at Bathurst in 1967. Christine was pretty handy round the track too.

While Fred isn't competing in this year's Touring Car Masters, other muscle masters are. On the points table, John Bowe in a 1969 TransAm Mustang leads Jim Richards in a Falcon Sprint with Andrew Miedecke trailing in third in a 1969 Chev Camaro. Who wants to point out that one of our most successful Mercedes dealers is driving a GM product? Or that Andrew's parents wanted him to be a horse trainer, till a fall from a horse saw him damage a "delicate part of his male anatomy"?

As defined by the Oxford Dictionary, a muscle car "is a very light vehicle with a very big motor shoved in the front and makes a noise from the back that keeps mothers up at night".

This month's 30th anniversary special edition of Australian Muscle Car magazine investigates that under-researched topic Bathurst grid persons. In a hard-hitting four-page expose, Muscle Mag reveals the secrets and more importantly the photos of the persons "who have brightened Mount Panorama's grid over the last 50 years". Rollerskates and the Channel 7 clear plastic raincoats were perhaps the low ebb of the grid girl genre.

Later this month, you will have the chance to buy an iconic English muscle car built in Australia. Ken Messenger is selling his Aston Martin DBR2 at Shannons. Only two of these cars were built (obviously at the Aston Martin factory in Middlesex) and one is on the market for $33m. Here's the thing. Ken's car was built in Queensland for an Aston Martin dealer in 2007. Ken bought it and upgraded the engine to a very big 4.2-litre Jaguar donk. Given most of the body is fibreglass, Ken's Aston should give Jesus's Torana a run for its money.