Tesla Model 3 review: one of the originals, and still the best

I finally got my hands on a Tesla Model 3. It’s one of the original electric vehicles – and still the best.

Class act: the Tesla Model 3 Rear-Wheel Drive

Much like one of my heroes, Geoffrey Robertson, I sometimes like to do pro bono work for the little people, although it’s not focused as often as I would like on fighting for human rights or jailing war criminals. Recently I gave up my time for a website called evcentral.com.au because they needed someone to help drive on a four-car comparison; notionally because I’m a good bloke, but also because I knew they had secured a Tesla Model 3, and I’ve been flailing to borrow one for a couple of years.

I know it’s hard to imagine that any brand would dare spurn my advances, because obviously my opinions in these pages make and break careers and savage share prices, but Elon Musk’s pet company doesn’t really engage with media – or even advertise – because it doesn’t have to. The man/myth/machine Musk and his tweets seem to be all the marketing Tesla needs, along with the fact that it has come to represent the electric vehicle in the same way that Apple became synonymous with the smartphone (there’s a similar wide-eyed reaction people get when they find out how much its products cost; most of our Teslas are made in China, too).

I can honestly say I am more often asked, “Should I buy a Tesla?” than, “Should I buy an EV?”, and nothing I say – not pointing out the size of the panel gaps, or Musk’s even larger ego, or even the rumours about quality issues – will put someone off once they’ve got that idea in their heads. And I can kind of see why; if a Tesla is what you want, you don’t really have other choices, because there’s nothing else quite like it.

Inside the cabin

What I must grudgingly admit I admire most about Tesla, though, is that as well as selling itself to well-heeled adults, it also markets itself brilliantly towards children – aka the coming generation of car buyers. Partly it’s the giant central touchscreen – the kind of totem for a modern child that a TV was to my generation – but it’s also the tech-heavy focus; the fact you can run the car from your iPhone, the over-the-air software updates, the silly features like Dog Mode (which will keep the cabin cool if you choose to leave your animal, but obviously not your toddler, to poop in it) and the clever use of language.

Tesla doesn’t have an air-filtration system, it has a “Bioweapon Defence Mode”. Its Performance model has a “Ludicrous Mode”, which warns you of how scary it is and gives you the option to back away and press a button marked “No, I want my Mommy”, and the base model Rear-Wheel Drive version I was in offered “Chill” or “Standard” drive settings.

While the Tesla Model 3 has long been eye-catching, this disruptor on wheels is now so common on our roads that it no longer looks edgy, and indeed, parked next to the other, newer vehicles in our comparison test – the Polestar 2, Hyundai Ioniq 5 and Kia EV6 – it looked borderline boring (although its jelly-bean shape does make it more spacious in the rear).

It also somehow manages to feel expensive (it’s listed at $63,900, although the price seems to jump around constantly) and yet cheap at the same time, with its very basic (Tesla would say minimalist) steering wheel, and a lack of buttons that forces you to adjust absolutely everything – even the wing mirrors – through the looming touchscreen. The fact that this is legal, and touching your phone while driving is not, is cause for confusion.

Recharging

Then there is the “Autopilot” function, which is often touted as actual autonomous driving, but I’ve tried it before and it scared me. Still, you are offered a “Full Self Driving Visualization Preview” on your giant screen that shows you, in graphic detail, that the Tesla knows there are other vehicles around it, and what size they are (amusingly, it depicts many larger vehicles on our roads as pick-up trucks).

While it would be easy to accuse Tesla adopters of being the same kind of credulists who bought Macs before Apple was cool, there’s no denying the Model 3 is fantastic to drive, and it completely outpointed the other, newer EVs we put it up against. The Tesla has better, more involving steering, it rides more sweetly over rough roads and on smooth highways and, most impressive of all, even though this was not the Performance version, it really does accelerate in a thrilling, thrusting fashion, and one that must quite regularly shock people who’ve bought one without ever taking a test drive.

Styling details

The number-loving nerds I was forced to spend the day with ranted at incredible length about the fact that they could only record a 0 to 100km/h time of 6.3 seconds in our Model 3 versus the company’s claimed 6.1 second dash. I declared that it felt faster than that and shouted at them for being unbearable bores.

There is a large part of me that doesn’t want to like this car, but its competence is as irresistible as it is unfeasible. Upstart start-ups shouldn’t be able to outperform, and outsell, established players with storied histories. If you can’t get your hands on a Tesla, and the waiting lists are long, may I suggest you source a Tardis, go back a few years and buy Tesla shares instead?

Tesla Model 3 Rear-Wheel Drive

ENGINE: Single electric motor (190kW/375Nm). 13.2 kWh per 100km, range 448km TRANSMISSION: 1-speed automatic, rear-wheel drive

PRICE: $63,900

STARS: 4 out of 5