Indu, Sydney: restaurant review

It’s a mystery why this mod Indian is busier than a Bollywood casting call. The food’s hot but the service is stone cold.

TWAM-20160326 EMBARGO FOR TWAM 26 March 2016 NO REUSE WITHOUT PERMISSION Indu restaurant Sydney Pic : Jane Dempster

Hospitality exists when you believe the other person is on your side. The converse is just as true. Hospitality is present when something happens for you. It is absent when something happens to you.” – New York restaurateur Danny Meyer, Setting the Table

The young waiter arrives with my wine. “Here is your wine from Gamay,” he says, handing over a glass of fermented red juice that is hopefully pressed from gamay grapes. If you don’t see the bottle, who knows what’s actually poured? Bless the kid; he’d only asked three times if we’d like another glass and, finally, we’d relented.

It’s only a little thing; a nit I’ve chosen to pick. But it’s so telling of this modern Indian, where hospitality means a $25 wine costs $78 (the 2014 Jamsheed Ma Petite Francine) – which, given the level of service, stemware and staff knowledge; given the amenity of a restaurant with tables the size of a broadsheet, jammed cheek by jowl into a basement cavern; given the ordinariness of the whole experience… is a disgrace.

I struggled with Indu, which is mysteriously busier than a Bollywood casting call. From a stand-around-waiting reception where things turn a little cool because we’re two, not three; from a cast of different waiters throughout the night; to food that arrives with alarming haste post-order; to admonishment for using phone torches (necessary for reading the menus); to the non-existent “thank you, goodnight” as we leave nearly $200 lighter, Indu is just so far off the hospitality pace.

We try three tables before finding one that doesn’t back onto a kitchen. “All the twos are this size,” says the meeter-greeter as we finally settle on “the romantic table”. “Romantic” is industry code for “black hole of Calcutta”.

In a basement off Angel Place, Indu has been created from a substantial space. Stairway to Heaven is in the air; Kashmir might have been a better choice, but the music never leaves the 70s, and it’s about the best Indu has to offer.

Which is not to say some of the food isn’t good. A crisp-fried/crunchy string hopper – the softer version being a Sri Lankan staple – comes with a kind of subcontinental ceviche of “cured sea bass” with coconut vinegar, lime, “flame green chillies” (not on our plate) and fresh coconut, and has a pleasingly clean, acidic finish.

Pleasing: the dosa. Picture: Jane Dempster

A pre-made dosa – the fermented rice “crepe” of southern India – is quite pleasing with a filling of faintly smoky goat shoulder, fresh julienne of zucchini, pomegranate seeds, raita and a very mild “chilli & bacon jam” which isn’t as exciting as it sounds. I’d go for the watermelon salad again too: pomegranate molasses, hung yoghurt, cucumber chunks, seeds and spices. Again, it’s fresh and clean.

But a salad that appears in the menu as “lightly pickled tomato, orange and radish [with] lemon yoghurt, cumin salt” in reality is fresh, boring tomato slices, jicama, orange and pickled red onion. A simply bland (heat isn’t the same thing as nuance) “devilled beef cheek” curry lacks complexity, fatigues the palate. And whoever thought of smearing yoghurt around the bowl’s inside like white goo stuck to the outside of a centrifuge needs to think again about how people actually eat.

The table gets partially wiped. A different waiter arrives to finish the job. “More wine?” asks our man. Again. Yet when I need him – someone – for a bill? You guessed it.

At $16, the dessert of “caramelised pineapple” (chunks blackened with a blowtorch), “yoghurt jelly” (plain yoghurt), cardamom dulce de leche and chilli/ginger granita is a mess. The granita melts, leaving a watery gloop of incongruous flavours and textures.

When we ask for that bill, there’s a waiter with a machine within 20 seconds: “There you go.” No goodbye, no love. No tip. Don’t encourage them.

Address: Basement, 350 George St, Sydney | Phone: [phone] | Web: indudining.com.au | Hours: Lunch Mon-Fri; dinner Mon-Sat | Typical prices: Starters $18; mains $30; desserts $16 | Summary: Expedient and unremarkable | Rating: 2 out of 5