Hotel Jesus: the tostaderia of Smith Street, Collingwood

Hotel Jesus in Melbourne’s Collingwood needs to be approached for what it is: fun, cheap, a good time, not a long time.

Hotel Jesus is modelled on places in Mexico City that you might wander into late at night after a few drinks and get some humble but delicious food. Picture: Andrew Tauber

It’s probably not what Melbourne architect John Marsden had in mind when he was commissioned to design the Collingwood Post Office, completed in 1891. But, then, which of our forebears would have imagined that Smith Street — that gritty, inner-urban artery — would one day be wall-to-wall eating ­places, from fashionable to frumpy, fast to slow, cheap to expensive?

Into this competitive strip comes Hotel Jesus (pronounced hay-suss). Calling it a restaurant creates expectations the place cannot — indeed does not want to — fulfil. Yet it is a place where tasty, reasonably priced food is sold alongside drinks you’d almost certainly find in Mexico. It’s street food to enjoy, and move on, a slice of Mexican informality you’re not supposed to get all intellectual on. And it’s … pumping.

The pitch: Into this historic shell come two important influences. One is Matt Lane, proprietor of the city’s new-wave Mexican trailblazer Mamasita. The other is Adelaide-based James Brown, whose love of all things Mexican inspires his quirky, detailed designs. The keenness of his eye is reflected everywhere within this gloss-tiled tostaderia. Somewhere between cantina and Aussie pub, Jesus packages a user-friendly concept with surprising authenticity.

The reality: You may have trouble getting attention at the door; early signs suggested demand was greater than supply. When you do make contact, however, you’ve got tables, booths or a bar to choose from. It’s help-yourself-to-water, look at the menu and tick off your choices on a piece of paper. Crockery is plastic, glasses too, and beer is served in a can, with lime, a la Mexico.

HJ is modelled on places in Mexico City that you might wander into late at night after a few drinks and get some humble but delicious food. And pictures on laminated menus make it oh so easy to order. Big signs advertise things like Cerveza Helada or you can have funky drinks such as the Smoked Diablo, crusted with huitlacoche salt. It’s all a bit of fun, but staff are a bit harried. Someone confided that several had called in sick, which might have explained the urgency of it all.

The cuisine: Broadly speaking, there are three types of dish here and all of them are popular Mexico City staples: wet, escabeche-style dishes such as the aguachile; tostadas, the crunchy corn chips topped with various things, such as fresh tuna; and soft small tacos. There are other things, of course, but that’s the essence of a very tight menu.

Highlights: If green chilli is your thing, the shrimp aguachile is a wet, acidic-limey gem with ribbons of zucchini, avocado and shiso leaves. That it is served with corn chips and broken Salada biscuit may come as a surprise. The chorizo verde taco, with crunchy sausage meat and coriander salsa verde, is the kind of thing you’ll find yourself reordering. I’d reorder without the fried shoestring potato, though. (Bear in mind this is a $5 snack.) I’d also steer you to the barbecued corn, which comes with a blue-grey mayo that’s completely addictive.

Lowlights: “The Porktopus tends to polarise people,” my waiter said of a popular tostada, and she wasn’t kidding. It’s a crisp corn disk with pork rind and octopus and, well, it did fulfil her promise. Indeed, overall, I’d say the food has more promise than is currently being delivered. Good but not great.

Will I need a food dictionary? Not with that picture menu you won’t.

The damage: Very reasonable, in line with Jesus’ no-fuss, no-frills mission statement.

In summary: Hotel Jesus needs to be approached for what it is: fun, cheap, a good time, not a long time. It’s a cantina.

Address: 3174 Smith Street, Collingwood, Vic.
hoteljesus.com.au
Open: daily from 5pm
Score: 3 stars