No reason to say ‘how good is this $16 pinot grigio?

Rudd’s was rubbish, Tony’s was terrible. Now the trap set for every PM has just snared Scott Morrison.

Donald Trump served Scott Morrison a good Californian demi-sec at the State Dinner in the White House last year. Picture: AFP.

It’s a trap set for every prime minister and it has just snared Scott Morrison.

Ever since John Howard copped a bit of flak for employing a consultant to bash the cellars at the Lodge and Kirribilli House into half-decent shape, subsequent prime ministers have been subjected to a bit of harsh vinous scrutiny at some point during their tenure.

And they’ve all come off badly.

Reports at the weekend detailed the state of the cellars at the Prime Minister’s official residences and ScoMo’s stash is just as sorry, possibly even more so, than those who came before him.

The instinctive Australian reaction is to bristle at the spending of taxpayer dollars on something that could possibly be classified as a “non-essential service”, but if we step back a bit from our inherent reluctance to buy a drink we don’t get to share ourselves, we can see the problem is not that we spend too much but, rather, too little.

Looking back at the stories written in this vein through the years makes for disappointing reading, as though you were flicking through the catalogue of Mediocre and Mundane, Wine Merchants to the Sensorially Deprived and Easily Satisfied.

Kevin Rudd, Julia Gillard, Tony Abbott and Malcolm Turnbull all sat on cellars of between 400 and 600 bottles. That’s a workable cellar for most purposes but it’s not the size that matters here. It’s the composition.

The average price per bottle hasn’t exceeded $25, the curation is always chaotic and lacks purpose, and the inventory looks more like the clearance bin of the local bottle shop than the cellars of prime ministerial residences.

Scott Morrison at Kirribilli House. Picture; Hollie Adams.

If Morrison were to offer a visitor a drink we need to hope they’re teetotal or too drunk to notice they’ve been offered something you’d get for eight bucks a glass in a suburban pub.

When Emmanuel Macron and Xi Jinping signed a trade deal last year, the French President served his Chinese counterpart a 1978 Domaine de la Romanee-Conti, a great vintage of an exceedingly rare pinot noir from arguably the finest estate on the planet. If you could find one, it would cost you upwards of $35,000.

I’m not suggesting the same extravagance is shown here — such largesse is better deployed at sporting clubs in marginal seats — but it does give a strong indication of how the French appreciate the asset they possess in their vineyards and how that asset can be deployed diplomatically.

It’s hard to see the point of showcasing the nation in a $100m house on the world’s greatest harbour and pouring wine perfectly at home in plastic cups.

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The opening of every bottle at the Lodge or Kirribilli House should be a celebration of great Australian wine, not an opportunity to say: “How good is $16 pinot grigio?”

In response to questions from The Australian about how the cellars function, the Department of Prime Minister and Cabinet replied: “Wine purchases are made by the household staff and represent a broad range of Australian wines rather than individual preferences. Wine purchased is routinely used for official functions.”

I’d suggest we need to do better than that.

The prime ministerial cellars should be managed under more high-minded guidelines.

They should adhere to the principle that there’s more value in one great $100 bottle than 10 ordinary $10 bottles.

The wines stocked there should speak evocatively of our ancient soils, unique climates and inspiring vignerons.

They should sit comfortably alongside any global equivalent while remaining unquestionably Australian.

They should show the true diversity of Australian wine, celebrate its history and inspire excitement about its future.

They should contain wines that show how well some of the classic styles age, as well as wines that celebrate the vibrancy of youth.

Every single one of them should eloquently argue the case that this country makes some of the most exciting wines on the planet.

It’s not hard to do, the cost inconsequential when compared to the rewards.

The Rudd cellar topped out at 600 bottles with a value of $14,000.

And it was crap.

The others were too.

By doubling the cost of the Rudd cellar — a tiny number in the broader scheme of things — you could get something like this:

Sparkling

Deviation Road ‘Loftia’

Whites

Crawford River Riesling

Grosset Polish Hill Riesling

Tyrells Vat 1 Semillon

Crittenden Estate Cri de Couers Savagnin

Chalmers Greco

Vignerons Schmolzer and Brown ‘Pret-a-Blanc’

Tolpuddle Chardonnay

Flametree SRS Chardonnay

Yangarra ‘Blanc’

Reds

Stargazer ‘Rada’ Pinot Noir, Pinot Meunier

Farr Rising Gamay

Serrat Pinot Noir

Gentle Folk ‘Vin de Sofa’

SCP Pannell ‘Tanino’

Lake Breeze ‘Arthurs Reserve’ Cabernet Sauvignon

Mt Mary Quintets

Clonakilla Shiraz Viognier

Wendouree Shiraz Mataro

Fortified

Campbells Classic Rutherglen Topaque