What expectant dads should do at each stage of pregnancy

Be patient with conception, be kind to your partner and remember that parenthood is one of the greatest gifts, says an obstetrician who has delivered more than 5000 babies.

Expectant dads need to support their partner and remember to take care of their own wellbeing during the pregnancy, obstetrician Michael Gannon says. Picture: Getty Images

Being a first-time parent can be just as bewildering for an expectant dad as it is for a mum. But there is little in the way of practical advice for first-time fathers.

As a doctor who has delivered more than 5000 babies, here is my brief and very general guide toward what expectant fathers of babies should do in pregnancy.

It is not meant to be comprehensive. It is not meant to ignore the wide diversity of modern parenting arrangements, including same-sex couples. It is only about first-timers. It may or may not reflect how useful I was as a first-time dad 20 years ago.

Preconception

Optimise your general health. Give up smoking and preferably all of your other vices. Do not feel the need to take any supplements from a pharmacy or health shop to optimise your sperm count. You can buy folate for your wife/partner but, in the absence of veganism or a diagnosed medical condition, avoid the ‘upsell’ to an expensive multivitamin supplement. Maybe take a quick crash course in female physiology. Consider carrier screening, a Medicare-rebated test for three recessive genetic disorders.

Do not act surprised (or disappointed) if you conceive the first month. One would expect 15 to 30 per cent of healthy couples to conceive at the first attempt. Resist any urge or instruction to be dragged to see a gynaecologist, let alone a fertility clinic, if you do not conceive in the first few months. However, 80 per cent of couples will conceive within six months and the unhappiness and uncertainty of infertility might be your story as a couple. Be supportive, be present, and avoid expletives when shown a positive home pregnancy test kit.

First trimester

Depending on the model of care your wife/partner chooses, you may be invited to an early appointment to see a GP or an obstetrician. There is likely to be a discussion about Down syndrome screening and various blood tests. You will have an ultrasound scan. You will never forget the moment you see your baby’s heart beating. About 15 per cent of pregnancies will end in miscarriage. It is important to be supportive. It is equally important to pay attention to your own feelings and your own mental health. My observation has long been that when things go wrong in pregnancy, the father of the baby is often forgotten.

Nausea and vomiting is very common. A reasonable minority of women will be sick enough to require medication, few an admission to hospital. Fatigue is common. Support her and help her.

Second trimester

Attending the 20-week scan is a great opportunity to bond with your new baby. Picture: Getty Images

In the second trimester, you should do everything you can to attend the 20-week anatomy scan. The images can be spectacular. This is a great opportunity to bond with your new baby.

Your wife/partner will be offered screening for diabetes. Roughly one in eight patients will test positive. This will mean that they need to make adjustments to their diet. You should be supportive and adopt most, if not all, of a diet that is not far remote from a healthy diet in any case. Try not to show off that you can still drink alcohol. Equally, do not feel the need to compete with your wife/partner by seeking medical attention yourself. I have seen many fathers of babies (FOBs) feel the need injure themselves over the years, requiring the input of a GP or orthopaedic surgeon.

Make arrangements to see your GP for pertussis (whooping cough) vaccination. Get your blood pressure checked and ask for general advice on men’s health. Your wife might need three or more vaccines, so do not complain. She is more important than you because when she consents to RSV and pertussis shots, she is passively immunising your future child.

Third trimester

As pregnancy progresses, understand that it can have negative impacts on the body of your wife/partner. Veins and lumps and other bits appear in parts of her body she had not previously heard of. She might not feel great about her body. She might not feel very sexy.

She will be tired. It’s probably not because of iron deficiency. I have never seen an iron infusion make a boss or line manager more understanding, a husband/partner more thoughtful.

The multiple cartilage-bone joints around the abdomen all stretch, often painfully, to accommodate the growing baby. If it’s not her sacro-iliac joints or symphysis pubis, it will be the costo-chondral joints or the lumbar spine. Some women get a triple crown or the grand slam. Be nice. Be thoughtful. Many years ago at the AMA we developed a pamphlet on men and pregnancy, and felt the need to write: “if you see something that needs doing, e.g. the washing up, why not surprise her by doing it”.

You will be invited to attend antenatal classes at the hospital or birthing centre that you are attending. Look interested, listen and say “Yes, dear” a lot. I will never forget the steely response I once gave to a FOB who said “We are not having an epidural”. I must have been grumpy and sleep-deprived when I said that “We are not doing anything”.

It is important for FOBs to try to find that sweet spot between realising that what is happening with the pregnancy is not happening to their body, while at the same time being every bit as much invested in the future of the child.

Be supportive if decisions are being made on appropriate mode of delivery. It is important to be involved if there are conversations on the pros and cons of induction of labour. As most readers will know, there has been a significant change in the last generation or two in terms of the involvement of FOBs in the birthing suite. There may be some sleep deprivation for you. There may be some back rubs required.

Be supportive if decisions are being made on appropriate mode of delivery. Picture: Getty Images

Fourth trimester

A third of Australian babies are born by caesarean section, roughly half emergency and half planned (elective). If your wife/partner is recovering from surgery, she will need more support. Whichever way your baby is born, make sure you take some time off work. You may even be useful around the house.

Do your best to manage the fundamental change in the dynamics of your relationship and your life ahead. Understand that breast feeding can be difficult for many women. You can be involved in nourishing your baby, either with expressed breast milk or formula.

Be understanding, be present, be flexible, and most importantly, put every bit of energy you have into parenthood. Fatherhood is a gift that is to be cherished. If you’re really lucky, you might even have fun.

Dr Michael Gannon is a consultant obstetrician and gynaecologist with 18 years’ experience as a specialist.. He served as president of the AMA from 2016 to 2018. He is president of leading professional indemnity provider MDA National.

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This column is published for information purposes only. It is not intended to be used as medical advice and should not be relied on as a substitute for independent professional advice about your personal health or a medical condition from your doctor or other qualified health professional.

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