Magic number: why do people hit this age, and decide to separate?

The late forties and early fifties are turbulent years for anyone in the Australian life-cycle. But what is it about this particular birthday that makes people rethink their marriages?

The late forties and early fifties are turbulent years for anyone in the Australian life-cycle. Picture: istock

In many ways the decade between the ages of 45 and 55 are life’s most difficult years. For many it can be a time of great challenges including the management of teenagers in the family home, career frustrations and financial pressures. And on top of all this, these years in the life-cycle also represent a time when many pass through a series of relationship peaks.

According to the 2021 Census most Australians are likely to describe their relationship status as married at the age of 45. But just one year later, at 46, many Australians describe their relationship status as separated. What on Earth happens in that 46th year? This is what I mean about the turbulent late forties!

Separation often leads to divorce – and the age at which most Australians describe their relationship status as divorced is 55. This is an important year. It can be the time when kids finally leave the family home. But it can also be the time when thought is given to the issue of retirement. And amid all this, one of the questions a 55-year-old might ask themselves is, “Am I in the right relationship?”

The time of peak marriage to the time of peak divorce is a single decade that also includes passing briefly through the way-station of peak separation. This is not a pathway for all Australians, of course, but it is for a meaningful proportion.

For those interested in the numbers: 62 per cent of 45-year-olds are married, 6 per cent of 46-year-olds are separated and 17 per cent of 55-year-olds are divorced. Each of these years are life-cycle peaks for each designated relationship status.

These peak years, and indeed this peak decade, are important markers in better understanding the way we live. What they reveal are some of life’s greatest stress points, all clustered in a single tempestuous decade.

We really do need to agree on a term to describe the decade covering the linguistically cumbersome concept of the late forties and early fifties. Could it be that the life-cycle’s peak relationship-change years define the start (45) and the end (55) of middle age?

For years no one could define when middle started, let alone finished. But now, I think, we know. (And best of all from the Millennials’ point of view, there’s still a few years to go before this definition of middle age starts.)

But what is driving these changes? Surely it’s not just children leaving home or the frustrations of work. Maybe it’s that the late forties and early fifties confirm the loss of youth. These years also coincide with sufficient time in a relationship to become aware of the need for aligned goals and values.

Perhaps by identifying and discussing these peak relationship markers and the challenges they represent, we would be better prepared to manage our way forward. Very interestingly the divorce rate drops significantly beyond the age of 66, scaling back to just nine per cent by the age of 80. There is an argument to say that eventually all this relationship turbulence settles down.

In either case the point is that the late forties and early fifties are turbulent years for anyone in the Australian life-cycle – but especially for those going through the stress, angst and hope of a relationship change.