Return of the Jacqui: would you pay $2.5m for this artwork?

Jacqui Lambie has slashed the price of a Star Wars-inspired painting – featuring herself as a bikini-clad Princess Leia wrangling a Clive Palmer-headed Jabba the Hutt.

Alice Workman

4 min read

10:05PMSeptember 06, 2021.

Updated 6:07AMSeptember 07, 2021

Dio Wang, Jacqui Lambie, Clive Palmer, Ricky Muir and Glenn Lazarus in 2013.

Is this the drawing you’re looking for? Jacqui Lambie has slashed the price of a Star Wars-inspired painting – featuring herself as a bikini-clad Princess Leia wrangling a Clive Palmer-headed Jabba the Hutt with a chain – from $5m to $2.5m, as part of her fundraising efforts for the next federal election. The Burnie-based senator was gifted the Return of the Jedi recreation from supporters Ray and Elain earlier this year, which proudly hangs in her Parliament House office.

The “very accurate” piece of portraiture (Lambie’s words, not ours) was knocked up by Lindsay Spears for the Bald Archies six years ago. It has been turning heads in the Canberra Bubble™ among art a-hacks for its echoing of the real-life battle between the former Palmer United Party besties. There’s no takers yet but Lambie is confident a collector will stump up the $2.5m asking. She’s secretly holding out hope that Palmer, being a savvy businessman, won’t be able to resist the bargain 50 per cent discount.

May the force be with you.

But we suspect his multimillion-dollar war chest is too busy financing United Australia Party leader Craig Kelly’s spam tax campaign. (Side note: Kelly claims he’s signed up 30,000 UAP members in the past 10 days, but we’re still waiting for the empirical evidence.) The fan fiction is just one of the artworks Lambie aims to sell online as part of a creative bid to match the high-priced dinners and Zooms thrown by the major parties. The small-shop Lambie Network will have an added disadvantage in the lead-up to our next democracy sausage day, thanks to the uncertainty around the pandemic. Travel restrictions and compulsory 14-day quarantines each time Lambie returns from the ACT makes it hard for her to hit the hustings at markets, agriculture festivals and community events. Her “People Before Politics” strategy to undercut the incumbency is simple: give regular Quiet Australians a way to contribute a small amount rather than asking for tens of thousands from big businesses or lobby groups. And it appears to be paying off. Donations and merchandise sales, since her new online store went live in April, have helped the Lambie Network secure a handful of billboards for Tammy Tyrrell, the party’s lead Senate candidate. The think piece writes itself … Three Billboards Outside Burnie, Tasmania.

Jacqui Lambie is selling off this Star Wars-inspired painting.

Silence of the Lambie

ICAC coffee cup.

“The majors make their money selling $10,000 tickets to hang out with ministers. I’ve met most of them, and let me tell you, I’d be ripping myself off if I paid $10 for the privilege,” Lambie told Strewth. “At least with the Jacqui Lambie Network T-shirts, you’re getting value for money. Timeless art, on a good quality tee, shipped to your door for bargain price.” Don’t have a billionaire’s budget? You can pick up a print of the Star Wars pic for $29.99 (plus shipping) – it’s the bestseller in Lambie’s online store. There’s a $20 ICAC mug that reads “I like my coffee like I like my anti-corruption commissions: strong”. A $34.95 T-shirt with Lambie’s face and catchphrase “I’ve had a gutful”. And another of a cartoon Lambie, with signature yellow scarf, standing on the floor of the Senate. There’s also a “Ute beauty” bumper stick for $6.99. In true Lambie style, some of the merch is rather … blue. There’s no need to use your imagination with a photograph of Lambie eating a Dagwood Dog on the 2019 election campaign; it comes with the tagline: “Politicians don’t have to suck”. Lambie promises no “cheap stuff with a party logo on it”, instead picking items that make people laugh. “Hopefully I’m not the only one who can see the funny side or I’m going to end up with a garage full of bumper stickers.” Surely there’s a mining magnate out there looking to decorate a replica of the Titanic?

Doughnut day

So far, America’s novel vaccine incentives include $1m lotteries, college scholarships, beer, Krispy Kreme doughnuts, shotguns and, in Washington State, a free marijuana joint. Which one would get Lambie across the line? “I’ll have the joint first and then I’ll have my Kreme later when I have the munchies.”

Who is Goodenough?

The blue-on-blue attacks aren’t only under way in the Victorian Liberals, where Michael O’Brien is set to face off against Lobster Mobster Matthew Guy at a CovidSafe in-person partyroom meeting within locked-down Melbourne on Tuesday morning. There’s also an internal war brewing among the federal WA Liberals. Vince Connelly plans to challenge Ian Goodenough for preselection in Moore, after his seat of Stirling was scrapped. Voters in Perth’s northern suburbs have been redistributed into Cowan (Labor MP Anne Aly), Curtin (Liberal MP Celia Hammond), Perth (Labor MP Patrick Gorman) and Moore. “None of this is personal,” Connelly told The West Australian newspaper. The 42-year-old former soldier is known for his dynamic Dorothy Dixer delivery during question time and co-chairs the Parliamentary Friends of Defence with Labor MP Pat Conroy. Not to be confused with the Friends of Veterans run by former vets Liberal Phil Thompson and Labor MP Luke Gosling, or the Friends of Defence Honours and Citations chaired by Thompson and Labor MP Joel Fitzgibbon. The cowboy-boot wearing Goodenough has cult-like status around Parliament House for his deep voice and the mesmerising calendar he releases each year, featuring photo shoots from around his electorate (think shooting range and science lab). The 46-year-old powerbroker was once described by Anthony Albanese as “the human equivalent of stealth technology”. That’s high praise. As the owner of a real gold Rolex, he’s Parliament House’s resident watch expert. After Christine Holgate put the Cartier before the horse, the self-made millionaire mused to Strewth: “That was interesting. I thought that the figure was a bit wrong when they said $12,000 for four. Maybe (Cartier) brought out a cheaper one. The only lady I knew who wore one was Julie Bishop.” Connelly has refused to commit to taking over the calendar duties, if he is successful.

Ian Goodenough.

Suppository of wisdom

Finance Minister Simon Birmingham snapped when asked about JobKeeeper on 60 Minutes. Reporter Liam Bartlett: “What about the public money that was given out? It’s not your money, you realise that don’t you? You are on the public purse. We’re paying you.”

Birmo: “Yes. I don’t need smart arse questions, thanks. Of course I realise, these are taxpayer dollars.”

Dolly Pardon

Fun fact. The Auslan sign for Australia’s country music capital Tamworth is a guitar.