Pretty fly for a PM guy

How much does it cost to fix a sideboard? More than $12,500 if it’s a wood-panelled credenza in Scott Morrison’s VIP plane ‘Shark One’.

Scott Morrison takes a phone call inside ‘Shark One’, his $250m converted VIP plane.

How much does it cost to fix a sideboard?

More than $12,500 if it’s a wood-panelled credenza in Scott Morrison’s VIP plane “Shark One”.

The RAAF KC-30A tanker — whose nickname comes from the rugby union-loving Prime Minister’s adopted rugby league team in Cronulla — is Australia’s budget version of Air Force One.

A Qantas A330 that cost $250m to convert into a cloud office for major overseas trips.

It comfortably seats 102 passengers but was deemed “a hunk of junk” by this paper’s own Peter van Onselen during its debut flight in September 2019.

Shark One hasn’t seen much air time, thanks in part to the no-fly-zone pandemic.

There was Morrison’s 50-hour whirlwind trip to Japan in November to sign a trade deal with newbie Prime Minister Yoshihide Suga, and the July jaunt to Washington by Foreign Minister Marise Payne and Defence Minister Linda Reynold s, when the PM’s office specifically instructed the Liberal senators not to use the VIP suite and its plush bed.

Despite mainly collecting dust on the runway, taxpayers have been charged for more than $17,600 of damage to furniture and fittings in the jet’s fuselage between September 2019 and December 2020, according to the Defence Department.

These repairs include $2076.90 for “leather repairs on Ceiling Panel and re-dye 2 leather seats”, $1918.58 for seat and cover refurbishments and $1114.09 for “pen removal and recolour” of multiple seats.

“Perhaps the PM might consider suspending alcohol service on his jet if passengers can’t be trusted to soberly put lids back on pens,” opined Kimberley Kitching, the shadow assistant minister for government accountability.

The most expensive renovations were to Shark One’s sideboard — sorry credenza.

A whopping $12,538.80, which one mile-high source said was mainly to buff out scratches from suitcases being wheeled past.

It sounds like a crossover episode of Utopia and The Block, starring former national careers ambassador Scott Cam.

There is some good news — two coffee makers were still under warranty and didn’t cost a cent to replace.

Scott Morrison takes a phone call inside ‘Shark One’, his $250m converted VIP plane. Picture: Adam Taylor

So many levels

The PM was briefly stuck inside an lift on Wednesday, when a door failed during his visit to South32’s Cannington Mine in northwest Queensland. Did he try tap dancing like Julie Andrews in Thoroughly Modern Millie?

After a tense ten minutes, Morrison and Resources Minister Keith Pitt set were free.

“It would have been tight if (assistant minister) Scotty Buchholz was in there,” the PM joked.

The bad luck finger has been pointed firmly at Pitt. This is the second time he’s been caught between floors; the first was with deputy prime minister Michael McCormack and his AFP detail at Brisbane airport.

Thoughts and prayers to the PM’s advancers; a fraught job at the best of times.

Despite all their hard work making sure everything that’s about to be filmed is as gaffe-free as possible, pollies can still end up under an Exit sign, outside a Reject Shop, devouring a sausage or standing in a snake habitat.

We’re sure the mechanical error will provide a lovely visual metaphor for the nightly TV news during the Coalition’s next dip in the polls.

The PM's tour of Central Queensland has ground to a halt, becoming trapped in a mineshaft lift with workers trying to figure out how to free him. @ScottMorrisonMP also couldn't escape claims from Labor he's been too close to Donald Trump. https://t.co/EdklUKuTF5 #auspol #7NEWS pic.twitter.com/yseuMAwawL

— 7NEWS Canberra (@7NewsCanberra) January 20, 2021

Perfect one day …

Bob Katter is disappointed to havemissed out on a rum and milk with Morrison during his drought tour.

“The PM’s great aunt, Dame Mary Gilmore, and my uncle are buried near each other in the Cloncurry cemetery so it is heartening to see his return,” Katter said.

The maverick MP has been keeping busy by one-upping Annastacia Palaszczuk’s mining iso idea.

He wants $1m to rebuild the derelict Dunk Island Resort, located off Mission Beach.

It was repossessed last year after the $31.5m sale to Mayfair 101 fell through.

“Dunk can take 200 people every two weeks, and with demountables we could step this up to even more,” the 75-year-old said.

“There are functioning kitchens, existing staff quarters and an operating air strip. It would mean construction of the main resort, which would boost the local economy that haemorrhaged more than 200 jobs when the island closed after Cyclone Yasi in 2011.”

Katter claims the island would offer “good time at a premier resort in paradise … it’s a slam dunk.”

Bob loves milk.

Doth protest too much?

Eyebrows were raised in Labor ranks when Tanya Plibersek popped up for her first weekly chat on 2GB Drive.

“I think it’s very clear that the Victorian government has been supporting the going ahead of the tennis and, you know, I think they’re going to have to take responsibility for the outcomes of this,” Plibersek said, throwing Daniel Andrews under the bus for the Australian Open fiasco.

A big no no, according to Strewth’s spies with the lines. Labor’s talking points specifically instruct pollies not to criticise red state premiers.

Plibersek also countered Anthony Albanese’s call for a faster vaccine rollout.

“You need a balance don’t you?” she said. “Australians have really given up a lot. Australians have sacrificed a lot. We need the best available vaccine … and we need to do it as quickly as is safe.”

Why is the former deputy leader colouring outside of the lines? Could it have something to do with her being named as the No 1 Killing Season contender? Deidre Chambers!

Asked directly if she has leader ambitions, Plibersek replied, “I’m not going to start talking about us when what matters is people’s jobs, people’s livelihoods, the wages that they’re bringing home, the roof they want to put over their kids’ heads.”

It’s not a no.

In the first of her regular segments with @JimWilsonMedia, Tanya Plibersek has responded to suggestions she's gunning for the top job.https://t.co/Vi3IO3Wxdx

— 2GB 873 (@2GB873) January 19, 2021

No jab no play

Steve Martin received his first dose of COVID-19 vaccine this week. With his tongue firmly in his cheek, the actor tweeted: “Right now, I’m having no fide resects.” Five stars.

Good news/Bad news. Good news: I just got vaccinated! Bad news: I got it because I’m 75. Ha! The operation in NYC was smooth as silk (sorry about the cliché @BCDreyer!) and hosted to perfection by the US Army and National Guard. Thank you all, and thank you science.

— Steve Martin (@SteveMartinToGo) January 17, 2021

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