Mathias Cormann’s WAxit

Mathias Cormann kicked off his final week in the Canberra Bubble™ with yet another private farewell on Sunday. But not everyone was invited.

Peter Dutton and Mathias Cormann having dinner in 2018. Picture: Jonathan Ng

Mathias Cormann kicked off his final week in the Canberra Bubble™ with a private farewell at the palatial Pialligo Estate on Sunday evening.

Home of the award winning and famous Pialligo Smokehouse Bacon

But not everyone received an invitation.

We hear the Finance Minister’s guest list was more factional than broad church. Our spies spotted Home Affairs Minister Peter Dutton (and his AFP entourage), Assistant Treasurer Michael Sukkar, Energy Minister Angus Taylor, Assistant Minister to the PM Ben Morton, Andrew Hastie, James Paterson, Tony Pasin, Craig Kelly, Gladys Liu, Lucy Wicks and Melissa McIntosh walking through the ACT drizzle.

The Liberals were surprised to see members of the press gallery in the car park upon their arrival.

The rowdy journos weren’t on a stake-out or planning to pounce on a particular pollie, but celebrating a birthday at the restaurant next door. Deidre Chambers, what a coincidence!

Cormann’s au revoir was an amiable affair, we’re told, with a few presents and speeches.

The NRL grand final was playing in the background at the dinner, and attendees were quite amused by the Labor ads that kept popping up — featuring guests Eric Abetz, Craig Kelly and assistant minister Zed Seselja.

“It really lifted morale,” one Liberal noted.

After the knees up, things came crashing back to reality for the economic girly man early doors in budget estimates when Treasury boss Steven Kennedy dramatically declared: “The pandemic is far from over.”

Cormann and Kennedy.

App for that

Seventeen. That’s the number of people the COVIDSafe app has detected (that weren’t found manually).

A bargain at $4.1m per contact!

“I’ve seen better value from land deals at Badgerys Creek airport under this government than the COVIDSafe app,” Labor’s Chris Bowen roasted the tracing app that can’t find anyone.

“Prime Minister ( Scott) Morrison has said ‘Downloading the app is like putting on sunscreen to go out into the sun’ … No one would use sunscreen with this level of effectiveness.”

Yet earlier, without a hint of irony, Health Minister Greg Hunt told 3AW: “The only reason that the Premier (Daniel Andrews) would not allow Victoria to open today is if he didn’t have confidence in his contact tracing.”

A coffee. Sitting down. With other people.

I can’t even.

— Adam Bandt (@AdamBandt) October 26, 2020

Doughnut day

Quick, call Karen from Brighton!

Journalist: “Can I confirm you are saying we can finally get on the beers?”

Andrews, sporting his famous North Face jacket: “I won’t be having a beer. I might go a little higher up the shelf.”

First question out of the presser announcement:

'Are you confirming we can get on the beers?' #CovidVic pic.twitter.com/yYyWXaudja

— Harry Malcolm (@HarryMalcolm2) October 26, 2020

Here if you need

Maybe lockdown suits Melbourne?

In the past week, Danistan has taken home three premierships — the Super Netball (Melbourne Vixens), AFL (Richmond Tigers) and NRL (Melbourne Storm).

Anthony Albanese told 2GB: “I think that the Storm being away from home for five months, I’m a Rabbitoh, as you know, and I would have liked to have seen Penrith win last night to be truthful, but I think it is an amazing effort by Melbourne Storm.”

Storm in a teacup

Storm hooker Brandon “Cheese” Smith delivered a hall of fame interview after smashing the Penrith Panthers.

“It was pretty good, I mean I played pretty shit tonight but I got the ring,” Smith told Brad Fittler.

“It’s for sale, I need to pay for all the beers I’m about to drink,” he said.

“I can’t wait to get on the piss with all the boys. I’ll take anyone as long as they’ll drink a lot. We’ll get Christian Welch too drunk to play Origin … (Cameron Munster) will probably do something stupid.”

Asked about captain Cameron Smith and coach Craig Bellamy, he said: “To the captain, I hope he can play on. I know it’s a tough situation for me but I wouldn’t mind him carrying me to another couple of rings, I don’t think we should force him out of the game.

“To Craig, he does nothing pretty much all year. Smithy does all the coaching, (Bellamy) is getting paid lots of money to do piss all.”

Special cargo early this morning... Seat 1A.

Via Jahrome's IG. pic.twitter.com/RKv8Ca60pJ

— Melbourne Storm 🏆 (@storm) October 25, 2020

Tiger king

Tony Abbott once insisted that sport and politics should never mix. Is this why?

Education Minister Dan Tehan turned up to question time sporting a black and yellow striped tie.

“I think, on behalf of the house, to congratulate the Richmond Football Club,” was all he managed to get out before Labor called a point of order.

“Mr Speaker — you cannot allow this outrage in question time today. And the tie’s got to come off, as a prop,” Cats fan Richard Marles complained.

“Not during question time it won’t,” Speaker Tony Smith replied.

That didn’t stop Tehan.

“We’ve seen the creation of a new era … the Dusty era. I take the interjection from the Deputy Leader of the Opposition but say — go, Tigers!”

Props!

Part of the furniture

Labor senator Glenn Sterle is back behind the wheel.

The former long-haul truckie skipped budget estimates this week to drive a road train full of furniture 3000km from Perth to Kununurra to support local Indigenous families in the East Kimberley.

Kununurra is adjacent to Western Australia’s hard border with the Northern Territory, and home to the crossing recently renamed “Checkpoint Charlie” on Google Maps. A cheeky homage to Premier Mark McGowan.

Until recently, the 5000 locals had no recycling facilities — all rubbish went to landfill.

Now there’s a training program that teaches Aboriginal youth to collect and repair items (from furniture to bikes) for the Revive Recycling Centre.

But they can’t keep up with the demand for beds, mattresses and lounge suites.

So Sterle started collecting used and unwanted furniture from around Perth to drive the 33 hours north.

My Waste to Wages Road trip from Perth to Kununurra to support families in the East Kimberley has begun!
It’s an honour to have partnered with Cam Dumesny, CEO of @WesternRoadsFed to make this project happen. https://t.co/u7Sioxe7O3 Check out the link for our farewell message! pic.twitter.com/u1CvPDnfJm

— Senator Glenn Sterle (@GlennSterle) October 26, 2020

Before he entered parliament, Sterle was a furniture removalist. As a 28-year-old, he transported the handmade green chairs and desks for the House of Representatives chamber across the Nullarbor from WA.

After his election in 2004, Sterle and wife Fiona got a shock during a tour of Parliament House when they spotted him — complete with blue Stubbies shorts, singlet and mullet — in archival footage of the building’s creation, shown daily to visitors in the public theatre.

“If it weren’t for me, my colleagues would be sitting on their arse during question time! If only I knew then what I know now,” Sterle told Strewth.

Spring forward

Cows across the continent are rejoicing! The EU has voted to abolish daylight saving time in 2021. You could say … it’s curtains. Meanwhile, in the US — asked if he took responsibility for the division in the country, Donald Trump said: “I’d like not to.”

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