Joel Fitzgibbon takes a bow after resignation

Joel Fitzgibbon was greeted with a round of applause at Aussies Cafe from Liberal and National pollies, after word spread of his resignation. Witnesses say he took a bow.

Joel Fitzgibbon was greeted with a round of applause at Aussies Cafe from Liberal and National pollies, after word spread of his resignation.

Witnesses say he took a bow.

South Australian Liberal Tony Pasin led the cheer squad for the newly backbenched Labor MP because, he informed Strewth, “principles are rare in politics”.

Resources Minister Keith Pitt helpfully suggested if the national convener of the Right faction “really wants to send a message to Labor, he would be better off resigning from the party altogether”.

Former frontbencher Fitzgibbon.

That might make it a tad tricky to “put labour back into the Labor Party” but would fulfil Fitz’s prediction of a party split.

The member for Hunter told this column he won’t be quitting as co-chair of the Parliamentary Friends of Coal (with Liberal Craig Kelly). Phew!

As we noted last week, Fitz’s exit through the gift shop began last week. Sick of his transcripts being vetted-not-feted by Team Albo, Fitz started sending out his own.

If there’s one thing the Canberra Bubble™ loves more than sex, it’s spills.

Could this kickstart The Killing Season 2: Kill Harder?

“One of the regrets I have is not running for the leadership after the 2019 election,” Fitz reminisced. “I don’t believe I would have won that contest, but I think a contest would have been good for the rank-and-file and the industrial wing of the party.”

OK … under Labor’s rules you need 70 per cent of caucus to call for a spill and our abacus spies say Albo has 50 plus one.

Fitz claimed: “No. I have no intention of running for the leadership. I mean, I would have to be drafted.” Drafted before Jim Chalmers.

And: “Yeah, look, I do have confidence in Anthony Albanese’s leadership … Albanese has my support and he will lead us to the next election.”

Easy peasy Albanese.

But also: “I think Albo can win if he listens to Joel Fitzgibbon more.”

Albo told colleagues he and Fitz might have a beer on Tuesday night, “one for each dust-up”.

It will have to be a magnum (or 10) after Monday night’s shadow cabinet swear sesh (see Sketch).

There’s only 10 sitting days before the silly season.

You know what they say … it’s hunt or be hunted.

Fitz shakes hands with his replacement, Ed Husic.

Coitus interruptus

Scott Morrison wants to ban the phrase “bonk ban”!

What should we call it? The messiah from the shire’s chastity belt? A moratorium on mating? Shagging suppression? Intercourse injunction? Forbidden fornication? A block on the beast with two backs?

As Alan Tudge tweeted about tunnels, Christian Porter offered just one interview on Tuesday which (Deidre Chambers!) happened to coincide with the Prime Minister’s press conference.

A tale of two ministers.

Here’s one vignette from the problem with men …

Q: “As a woman in the government, your reflections on the culture inside, has it gotten better, worse, or no change since the bonk ban era?”

Minister Anne Ruston: “Well, Phil (Coorey), the only thing that I can …”

Morrison: “Sorry, how this ban is referred to I think is quite dismissive of the seriousness of the issue, Phil, and I would ask media to stop referring to it in that way. We took it very seriously and I think constantly referring to it in that way dismisses the seriousness of this issue, it’s a very serious issue. Thanks, Anne?”

When this columnist first came to Canberra the whoopee was referred to as “prison rules” — what goes on political tour, stays on political tour.

“And there is no greater thing that breaks my heart than the breakdown of a family,” the PM added. “It breaks my heart. And frankly, that’s the thing that bothers me most.”

The most. Well, we guess it’s the Christian thing to do.

Senior minister Anne Ruston asked if culture for women in parliament has improved... @7NewsAustralia pic.twitter.com/LVIV2pgO0R

— Olivia Leeming (@olivialeeming) November 10, 2020

Binders full of women

Labor held its regularly scheduled all-staff meeting on Tuesday, in the wake of Aunty’s public airing of the Liberals’ dirty laundry. Before national secretary Paul Erickson addressed the room (and Zoom), we’re told the Opposition Leader’s chief of staff Tim Gartrell stepped on stage at the Parliament House theatrette to remind true believers there is “no place for sexual harassment in this building or within our offices”.

Gartrell said he’s in the process of making changes and, per recommendations from the female staffer network, is writing new protocols to deal with complaints. As there are currently … zero. Until then, he reassured comrades that any disclosures to Team Albo would be held in “strictest confidence”. Then what, we wonder?

Later that day Gartrell sent staff a list of resources and senior Labor women to talk to, depending on circumstance. Plus training modules on how to “help foster a better workplace culture”.

For the record — the same goes for Strewth! We’re ear if you need.

The barn has a yarn.

Barnababy ban

The former deputy prime minister doesn’t want Tudge or Porter to lose their jobs.

“I could get a lot of schadenfreude and revenge saying ‘no, all these other people should go as well’, but that would be wrong,” Joyce said. “If it’s a consensual relationship between two adults, then if you’ve got a problem with that, that’s a role for the police or a priest. I’m not a politician to be the arbiter for how two people can feel about each other.”

He also alleged: “I feel the ‘bonk ban’ was never a bonk ban, it was a Barnaby ban that was created to remove me from office.”

When the war began

There was a big bang in Canberra … and we’re not talking about Four Corners (or the mysterious case of the broken glass window in this paper’s parliamentary office). Our political gun Olivia Caisley said the windows of her ACT abode began rattling about 11pm on Sunday when there were (to quote Anchorman) LOUD NOISES. Was NSW invading? “Defence can confirm training occurred in the Majura Training Area over the weekend,” a fatigued spokesperson said. “Battle noise simulation was used, which resulted in several loud noises. As part of army’s training transformation, realistic and safe training is essential for staff cadets at the Royal Military College, Duntroon.” We’re told training will continue over the next month “and more loud noises may occur”. You’ve been warned!

Take one for Team Australia.

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