Iceberg, right ahead!

Labor caucus chair Sharon Claydon is on a crackdown to plug the drips of information before they become Titanic-style leaks.

There’s nothing we love more here at Strewth than leaks about leaks. “As we speak, someone is live tweeting,” Labor caucus chair Sharon Claydon complained to her colleagues mid-meeting on Tuesday morning.

Claydon named that “someone” as this paper’s own gun reporter Greg Brown.

Strewth can reveal Claydon is on a crackdown to plug the drips of information before they become Titanic-style leaks, with plans being prepared to prevent Anthony Albanese’s foot soldiers informing journalists about the closed-door conversations as they happen.

Banning phones from caucus is one option being openly discussed, a draconian measure usually only reserved for leadership spills.

But hang on. Don’t some politicians have two phones? And couldn’t they just step outside? Imagine the confusion redistributing devices collected at the door.

It’s hardly a big enough iceberg to stop the factional cold war between the Victorian Right (read Richard Marles and Bill Shorten), which escalated this week when Marles pick Sam Rae won preselection for the coveted seat of Hawke.

Strewth’s snitches inside the caucus room where it happened were bemused by Claydon’s commandment, as there wasn’t anything too controversial about Brown’s tweets. Others are seriously questioning her judgment, given they often use the time to email and write speeches on their phone.

“Labor will support the government’s Transport Security Amendment (Serious Crime) Bill if its amendments fail,” is what Brown reported.

“Home Affairs spokeswoman Kristina Keneally wants to amend the legislation so foreign crew are subject to similar background checks to Australian workers. Sources say Joel Fitzgibbon argued the bill should not be amended.”

With caucus leaks being par for the course, one gets the sense that Claydon and her Left faction are slightly paranoid for their leader.

This Soviet-style clampdown is tougher than anything under Team Shorten and extends to op-eds written by frontbenchers. Final drafts have to be sent to the leader’s office for approval (or forced changes) before being submitted to newspapers.

Ironic, given how much Albanese loved free speech (and freelancing) when he wasn’t in charge.

Sharon Claydon.

Poll hearted

Q: “Even though you keep saying the election’s next year, people are still saying the election could be this year.”

Scott Morrison: “I don’t know why they’re doing that. Why do you keep saying that?”

Q: “Well, you did say if there was a major political event, it could happen.”

Morrison: “I’m not aware of one having occurred.”

Mathias Cormann and Scott Morrison on an escalator.

About time

Exactly how imminent is imminent in the Morrison government? Proving time doesn’t need fun in order to fly, assistant minister Amanda Stoker offered up this riddle.

Q: “How far away are you from formulating a reply to the Tune Review into the National Archives?”

Stoker: “I think you’ll find that’s imminent.”

Q: “This week?”

Stoker: “Pardon?”

Q: “This week?”

Stoker: “Not that imminent.”

Even Strewth knows the time on political clocks is relative. As the saying goes: Is four a lot? Depends on the context. Dollars, no. Deficits, yes.

Amanda Stoker

Mate v mate

Round ball-er Cristiano Ronaldo has been credited with wiping billions off Coca-Cola share prices after removing two bottles from his Euro 2020 press conference table.

But here at Strewth, we know the real culprit is … Gladys Berejiklian.

The NSW Premier triggered an online frenzy after posting a photo of herself perpendicular with an unopened can of Coke No Sugar in hand, gazing at a small TV in a dark room hours before the festival of the boot kicked off.

She was meme-mocked by her deputy John Barilaro and SA Premier Steven Marshall. But at least she didn’t lose a wager.

“I don’t know what’s worse – losing Origin game one shifted onto home turf, or having to make good on my bet with Albo and don the Blues scarf in parliament,” Queensland Labor MP Anika Wells moaned. “Giving birth to twins comes in third of Most Painful Events.” We’re reliably informed the pair have yet to decide whether to up the ante for games two and three.

This aged well. #QLDER#TikTokhttps://t.co/tX3H17neZl

— Anika Wells MP (@AnikaWells) June 15, 2021

Piggyback marketing

Here’s a bit of cheek from the Greens deputy leader Nick McKim. During the second reading of the government’s Online Safety Bill, he moved an amendment to: “Omit all words after “That”, substitute “the bills be withdrawn”.

Nick McKim and Adam Bandt.

Cue Acting Prime Minister Michael McCormack. “Hell will freeze over when I start listening to the Greens,” he cried in question time. “I will always stick up for those primary producers who put food, who put fibre onto the tables and into the wardrobes of people such as the member for Melbourne (Adam Bandt).”

Huh? That connection is as tenuous as someone trying to Facetime over the NBN.

Earlier in the week, MickMack claimed: “We don’t do things just to annoy the Greens.”

What about former butcher-shop owning Nationals senator Susan McDonald, co-founder of the Parliamentary Friends of Australian Red Meat, raising the steaks by launching an inquiry into vegan producers using protein terms on their packaging?

“Although I think The Greens annoy the hell out of everybody,” McCormack continued. “They want to destroy the social fabric of society.” Just like those darn mice?

Michael McCormack.

What’s my age again?

Poor Pauline Hanson. The sexagenarian doesn’t appear to know when her own birthday is.

The One Nation leader’s confusion occurred during a super debate, when she proposed to lift the concessional cap for extra contributions to 67.

She told the Senate on Tuesday: “I am proud to say that I am 67 years of age and I turned 67 yesterday.”

Which prompted Labor senator Murray Watt to accuse her of trying to get a $30,000 “birthday present”.

But by Thursday, Hanson had changed her mind. “My birthday was last month,” she said.

For the record — her parliament bio records her birth as May 27, 1954.

BREAKING: Pauline Hanson doesn’t know when her own birthday is
🎂 🎂 🎂 🎂 🎂 🎂 🎂 🎂 🎂 🎂 🎂 pic.twitter.com/MauCsCmgMb

— Julian Hill MP (@JulianHillMP) June 17, 2021

Art a-hack

Here’s a quick lesson in hubris.

After Arts Minister Paul Fletcher claimed Labor MP Josh Burns was “not someone who has often made comments on arts policy”, the Melbourne-based Labor MP got to work.

“My office did a search of Hansard for speeches in the current parliament containing the word ‘arts’,” Burns revealed.

“And that search indicated that I had made 11 speeches using the word ‘arts’ and the minister had made only six.” Whoops!

Today in Parliament, the Minister for the Arts @PaulFletcherMP claimed I don't speak much about the arts.

So we did some research and the results were surprising...#auspolpic.twitter.com/X5Qe8lkIJ0

— Josh Burns (@joshburnsmp) June 17, 2021

[e-mail]