Halloween political scare for Daniel Andrews

Daniel Andrews doesn’t know when Halloween is.

BYO North Face costume.

Daniel Andrews doesn’t know when Halloween is. When asked if kids could trick-or-treat in lockdown, the party pooper Premier told his 103rd daily press conference on Tuesday: “Can I freely confess, I don’t know the date of that particular US festival.”

Journo: “Of Halloween?”

Andrews: “But if people celebrate it, they’re free to do that. I cannot tell you the date. If you want to acquaint me with the date.”

Journo: “October 31.”

Andrews: “Right … They’re all looking at me as if I should know that.”

Journo: “How could you not know that?”

Journo: “Should children be able to go trick-or-treating?”

Andrews: “Announcements will be made Sunday. I don’t know that that particular festivity will be central to our considerations, but I think people will be able, to the extent they need to, to interpret the rules and work out what is appropriate on the 31st, if that’s something they’re interested in doing. There’s no Halloween plan.”

Journo: “And your costume this year, Premier?”

Andrews: “Dress-ups are not really what I’m about. Others are into that. I’m not.”

Sad! Especially given “Dictator Dan in his North Face jacket (with sacrificial lambs Jenny Mikakos and Chris Eccles)” will feature in Strewth’s spooky list of last-minute dress-up ideas, between “Gladys Berejiklian’s secret boyfriend” and “Donald Trump eating a pangolin’. Please send in your ’stume suggestions!

Party pooper: Premier Daniel Andrews.

Bin bagged

Did anybody have “Taliban for Trump” on their 2020 bingo card? “We hope he will win the election and wind-up US military presence in Afghanistan,” Taliban spokesman Zabiullah Mujahid told CBS News. Another unnamed terrorist explained: “Trump might be ridiculous for the rest of the world, but he is sane and wise man for the Taliban.” As we noted last month, Trump has the seal of approval from Swiss-based socialite Noor bin Ladin, niece of Osama bin Laden. But communications director for the Trump campaign Tim Murtaugh said the US President won’t be accepting the extremists’ endorsement. “We reject their support,” Murtaugh said. “And the Taliban should know that the President will always protect American interests by any means necessary, unlike Joe Biden who opposed taking out Osama bin Laden.” In another, less surprising twist, teen sailing enthusiast Greta Thunberg has backed in Biden.

Supporters at the Make America Great Again rally.

Perfect match

“You know what, now they say I’m immune, I feel so powerful,” Trump told thousands in Florida on Tuesday. “I’ll walk in there, I’ll kiss everyone in that audience. I’ll kiss the guys and the beautiful women and everybody, I’ll just give you a big fat kiss.” How would we describe the campaign rally atmosphere? Infectious.

Is he looking more tanned than usual?

Zap! Pow! Bam!

Did you hear the one about Superman? The New York Times claims the reality-TV President wanted to surprise people as he left hospital last week by appearing physically weak, before ripping open a button-down dress shirt to reveal a T-shirt with the famous S logo (the Kryptonian symbol for “hope”). It hardly compares to Australian politics’ comic ties. Bob Hawke appeared in an edition of The Phantom! The Kings Cross Connection, written by Jim Shepherd and drawn by Keith Chatto, was published in January 1992 one month after Hawke lost the top job to Paul Keating. The premise? French baddie Bluebeard has been spotted Down Under and the Phantom needs Hawkie’s help to shut down the largest weapons smuggling trade in the Western world. The PM and the Phantom, aka Kit Walker, meet in new Parliament House. Not by The Lodge pool in budgie smugglers, as the former Labor leader was known to do.

In today’s Strewth: did you know Bob Hawke was in The Phantom!

Thanks to @TroyBramston for the tip! https://t.co/lI820lyoTJ pic.twitter.com/XOaYKzFGTy

— Alice Workman (@workmanalice) June 6, 2019

Deep dive

Speaking of swimmers … we got a bit more than we bargained for when Anthony Albanese called into Illawarra i98FM with Marty, Crammy and Lyndal. 

Host: “It’s a beautiful day down here too, Albo. Make sure you bring the Speedos if you are coming down.”

Albanese: “No one wants to see me in Speedos in the Gong, mate.”

Host: “Come on.”

Albanese: “I might bring the boardies, how about that?”

Host: “I reckon you would have a pair of South Sydney Speedos.”

Albanese: “I actually do.”

Host: “Brilliant.”

The Bunnies.

Up Badgerys Creek

It’s been 671 days since Scott Morrison announced he would establish a federal anti-corruption commission on December 13, 2018 (which in turn was less than a month after the PM dismissed it as a “fringe issue”). But not everyone is on board. Queensland LNP senator Gerard Rennick said: “I don’t want bureaucrats to have the right to tap my telephone in the same way they taped Gladys Berejiklian’s private telephone conversations.” The public disagrees. The NSW government website nearly crashed on Tuesday when more than 1500 people logged on to watch question time. Our state spies suggest the Bear Pit struggles to get 200 on a good day. Meanwhile the internet vandals have been busy on Daryl Maguire’s Wikipedia page. “At the time of his resignation, he was still doing the nasty with the Premier,” the former Wagga Wagga Liberal’s bio read for a few hours. Also listed under his spouses: “Gladys Koalakiller Binchicken (2015-2020).”

Embarrassing I know, but this is from my 21st (nearly 20). #MeAt20 pic.twitter.com/sxMj290kBd

— Gladys Berejiklian (@GladysB) April 18, 2020

Shorten sweet

Strewth did a double take while listening to ABC radio’s World Today on Tuesday. A reporter claimed two former prime ministers had come out in support of Berejiklian … Malcolm Turnbull and Bill Shorten!The former opposition leader did lend a sympathetic shoulder from his Canberra quarantine. “She’s a smart lady who I think’s been punching below her weight with a perhaps much more average guy.”

Become good friends …

How much are taxpayers forking out for Hamish and Zoe Foster-Blake to front the $7m Holiday Here This Year campaign? Trade Minister Simon Birmingham won’t say. But we’re more interested in the British National Health Service’s choice to spruik its COVID-19 app — a fake Aussie medico. No, not Pete Evans. It’s Alan Fletcher, aka Dr Karl Kennedy from Neighbours. He and co-soap-star Stefan Dennis (Paul Robinson) donated their time for the official app video alongside UK celebs and athletes. In their seconds-long appearance, the pair claim they’ve downloaded the NHS app “to protect my Neighbours”. The only catch? Both are currently filming in Melbourne.

Everyone you love is on your phone. Now, so is the app that helps protect them. What are you reasons for downloading the...

Posted by NHS COVID-19 app on Wednesday, 7 October 2020

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