Get off the grass, homeowner tells Scott Morrison

Scott Morrison was cut off mid-sentence while spruiking his HomeBuilder handout in the made-up Eden-Monaro suburb of Googong.

Scott Morrison was cut off mid-sentence while spruiking his HomeBuilder handout in the Eden-Monaro village of Googong on Thursday morning. “Can everyone get off the grass, please,” a man yelled to the media and political staff members (including the PM’s principal private secretary, Yaron Finkelstein), who had assembled for a press conference outside his home. “Sure, let’s just move back,” Morrison said. “Hey guys, I've just reseeded that!” the for-lawn Googonian exclaimed, pointing to his green, green grass. “Let’s just move back from there. Please, off the thing,” Morrison directed the pack. The Quiet Australian threw the PM a thumbs-up and said “sorry, mate”, before heading back inside his home. “It’s all good,” Morrison replied as he reciprocated the thumbs-up. The spray was scrubbed from the official transcript, and the PM later laid the blame on the Canberra Bubble™ (and not whoever picked the location). “All the media were standing on part of his lawn — so he wasn’t cranky at me but he came and said, ‘Get off my lawn!’,” Morrison told 2GB, quick to quash any comparison to that infamous handshake incident. Josh Frydenberg was also in Googong, shivering in the minus-3C frost. An adviser offered him a coat, creating another potential advancing disaster — the Treasurer with his hands literally in someone else’s pockets.

Wolfish propaganda

China wants Morrison to muzzle our favourite secret parliamentary group, The Wolverines! The Global Times — English-language propaganda outfit of the Communist Party — has attacked Canberra’s own democracy crusaders by name three times in the past week alone. There was a reference to Strewth’s sticky column: “In 2019, infamous Australian right-wing politicians Andrew Hastie, James Paterson and Kimberley Kitching formed a bipartisan group called the ‘Wolverines’ to speak out against China. The group pasted their logo — four wolf claw marks — on office windows around Parliament House. Australian media, which has decried China’s ‘wolf warrior diplomacy’, has praised ‘the Wolverines’.” And a mention of our meaty item on Kitching and Hastie’s dinner with US ambassador to Australia (and honorary Wolverine) Arthur B. Culvahouse Jr. The Global Times insists the “hardly well known” Wolverines somehow manage to “speak out against China in a high-profile manner”. Quite the paradox. Branding Paterson a “backbencher” (one of our favourite backhanded compliments), one report says he “has stuck his nose in Hong Kong’s affairs” and goes on to claim the PM has “distanced himself from Hastie”. 

It concludes: “Chinese academics are urging the Morrison government to stop extreme groups like the Wolverines … Unless this happens, Australia could find itself involved in a China-US ‘Cold War’ due to cheap tricks from second-rate politicians who play the China card while hurting bilateral economic co-operation and trade amid COVID-19, experts noted.” Looks like they’ve struck a nerve!

Toddler talk

Liberal MP (and Wolverine) Phil Thompson has a confession to make. On Tuesday night his daughter, Astin, “toddler-dialled” the Queensland Premier. “From what we know, it sounds like there was a lot of babble (on Astin’s part) and a raised voice from mum (having her hair ripped out). “Sorry Annastacia Palaszczuk!,” the Townsville-based MP said. Wife Jenna, who gave birth to Emery Carolyn in April, apparently had a mini heart attack when she saw her two-year-old had sent a voice memo to the Premier. But we’re considering this Astin’s first political move. Is she available for Liberal preselection in October’s state election?

Questionable time

Should we scrap question time? Former Labor speaker Harry Jenkins says yes. He told a parliamentary hearing that the abuse copped during the MP performance hour would be illegal in any other workplace. Another former wrangler, Anna Burke, added that during her time one MP was caught buying shoes online between 3 and 4pm! Burke thinks it should stay, with phones banned. Civil Liberties Australia has an interesting idea to make it, well, more civil — introduce a red and yellow card system. The Speaker would pop the colour on the rowdy pollie’s desk so those watching could see who’s been badly behaved.

Cash for viral art

Novel news out of Sydney’s northern beaches. The COVID-19 sculptures by the sea that we flagged last week got the thumbs-up, with a budget of $100,000 to $1.7m. Here’s a free idea for the artist: instead of a lump of coal, a statue of the PM holding a roll of toilet paper aloft. Perhaps a square or two unrolled to float in the wind.

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