Eyes Wide Shut: ‘Latest lamb ads should come with a warning’

We’ll forgive you for being a bit sheepish when you see the tender moments depicted in the “Make Lamb, Not Walls” campaign.

Mark McGowan and Scott Morrison looking sheepish.

The latest round of lamb ads should come with a warning — don’t try counting sheep tonight.

The murals depict the Prime Minister and politicking state counterparts cheekily tearing into a chop, like they did each other while bickering over border closures.

There’s a portrait of Scott Morrison sharing a tender meat moment with WA Labor Premier Mark McGowan; NSW Liberal Premier Gladys Berejiklian butting heads with Queensland Labor Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk; and a sheepishly simultaneous cutlet bite between SA Liberal Premier Steven Marshall and Victoria Labor Premier Daniel Andrews.

Ewe beauty, there’s plenty to sink your teeth into!

The digital designs are a parody of “My God, Help Me to Survive This Deadly Love”, the iconic Berlin Wall graffiti art depicting Leonid Brezhnev and Erich Honecker in a socialist fraternal lip lock.

HUGS AND KISSES Y’ALL 🤗

🇩🇪🇷🇺 My God, Help Me to Survive This Deadly Love. Fraternal Kiss.#FratenalKiss #LeonidBrezhnev #ErichHonecker #Berlin #Moscow #USSR #EastGermany #SovietUnion #Soviet #Sovi8 #Sovieight pic.twitter.com/Uyw1MVekZ4

— SOVI8 (@sovieight) September 10, 2020

It’s part of Meat and Livestock Australia’s “Make Lamb Not Walls” campaign with agency The Monkeys, following the viral TV ad where Sam Kekovich ploughs an army truck through the Great State Walls in a dystopian future to reunite Aussies with a humble BBQ.

Meat and Livestock’s Graeme Yardy thinks Australia’s political leaders could do with a dinner party. “Lamb has always been the meat that brings people together,” Yardy said. “We thought it only appropriate to bring our leaders back together, in the most delicious way possible, with a juicy tender BBQ lamb cutlet.”

Tongues firmly inside cheeks, we sincerely hope.

The eye-catching, eyes-closed murals are currently touring the country on the back of billboard trucks. Berejiklian and Dandrews’s intimate lamb embrace will be doing laps of the Albury-Wodonga border. McGowan and Morrison can be found along the edge of the ACT and Perth’s CBD. Berejiklian and Palaszczuk will be driving from Tweed Heads to Coolangatta, Brisbane and Sydney. And Marshall and Dandrews will traverse state lines on Glenelg River Road and Portland Nelson Road, finishing in Melbourne’s CBD.

What is love? Baby don’t herd me, don’t herd me, no more.

Hang on — lamb ads can cross hard borders but Victorians can’t go home?

Be alert, but not baaa-larmed.

Pearl clutches only need to pull the wool over their eyes until Australia Day to avoid the once bitten, twice shy ads.

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Seas the day

It turns out changing one word in the anthem didn’t fix anything!

The PM can’t abide Cricket Australia’s decision to drop all references to Australia Day. (Side note: Who is CA’s manager of Diversity and Inclusion? Adam Cassidy, son of former ABC Insiders host Barrie.)

“I think a bit more focus on cricket, and a little less focus on politics would be my message … I think that’s pretty ordinary,” he said.

A stark contrast to this time last year when he claimed Quiet Aussies were “inspired” and “encouraged” by the top spinners.

Yet it was this historic statement that Strewth felt the need to fact-check. “Australia Day is all about acknowledging how far we’ve come,” the PM said. “When those 12 ships turned up in Sydney, all those years ago, it wasn’t a particularly flash day for the people on those vessels either.”

Oh buoy! Last we checked, Arthur Philip had a First Fleet of 11, not 12.

This isn’t Morrison’s first nautical mishap. His plan for a replica of James Cook’s ship to circumnavigate Australia — to mark 250 years since the declaration of colonial finders keeps (terra nullius) — was sunk by COVID, after four years and more than $2.5m spent.

The PM wanted Endeavour 2: Electric Boogaloo to “help Australians better understand Captain Cook’s historic voyage” and “rediscover” the “enlightened man” because he “gets a bit of a bad show”.

The only catch? Cook didn’t circumnavigate Australia. That was Matthew Flinders and cat Trim, between 1801 and 1803.

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Top of the pops

Could Dandrews win triple j’s Hottest 100?

The yoof radio station said this year’s public vote is shaping up to be the closest since 2007, when Muse’s Knights of Cydonia beat Silverchair’s Straight Lines by 14 votes.

The Victorian Premier is in with a chance to take the crown, thanks to a techno remix of his pandemic press conference telling people to “Get On The Beers” — a fact that will surely leave DJ Albo (Anthony Albanese) green with envy.

The song by Brisbane DJ duo Mashd N Kutcher reached No 2 on iTunes, has nearly 1.5 million streams on Spotify and was turned into a Christmas light show.

A Christmas lights display in the western suburbs is proving a big hit, online and in real life. It features the premier's famous phrase "get on the beers". https://t.co/5zYfOfohG3 @SaraJones_7 #7NEWS pic.twitter.com/yv1dvByOXo

— 7NEWS Melbourne (@7NewsMelbourne) December 23, 2020

There is political precedent; Pauline Pantsdown’s anthem “I Don’t Like It” finished 58 in 1998.

At the very least, Strewth’s muso mates expect Dandrews to crack the top 20 during Saturday’s countdown.

Which we are sure Australian Open “prisoners” will ironically appreciate as they watch Melbanians skol Froth Whitlams outside their hotel windows.

The backhanders can comfort themselves with this solid advice from Victorian Police Minister Lisa Neville: “I’d just encourage them to minimise interaction with the mice.”

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What’s the pointe?

Meanwhile in Perth, McGowan has been daggy dad dancing onstage at the Fringe World Festival.

“I was being a good sport … once it’s been seen, it can’t be unseen,” the Premier admitted after footage surfaced of him hula hooping and (trigger warning) pretending to strip to Nelly’s Hot in Herre.

“(The performer) made me embarrass and besmirch the good name of WA. My kids told me … that Fringe should be renamed Cringe in light of their Dad’s performance.”

Asked where he learnt his skills, McGowan said: “My mind went blank and all that came in was TikTok moves my daughter uses — and you saw the outcome.”

Daggy dancing, a regrettable part of any election campaign.

Got the moves @MarkMcGowanMP pic.twitter.com/WaCkrt76Ev

— The Bell Tower Times (@BellTowerTimes) January 16, 2021

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