Don’t give a ship

Scott Morrison’s plan for a replica of James Cook’s ship Endeavour to circumnavigate Australia has officially sunk. Oh buoy!

Victoria’s on the COVID home stretch.

Nautical news! Scott Morrison’s plan for a replica of James Cook’s ship Endeavour to circumnavigate Australia has officially sunk. Oh buoy!

After four years and more than $2.5m spent on planning and preparation, according to Paul Fletcher’s Communications Department (Arts was abolished).

Hopes to hoist the sails, following a short COVID suspension, have officially run aground. Such a shame — the Prime Minister could seas the day and sail it up the east coast just in time for the Groom by-election on November 28. (After his two weeks of self-isolation following his jaunt to Japan, of course).

Endeavour 2: Electric Boogaloo was due to launch from Botany Bay in April and set a course for 39 locations around the country to mark 250 years since Cook’s declaration of colonial finders keepers (aka terra nullius).

At the time, Morrison said he hoped it would “help Australians better understand Captain Cook’s historic voyage” and “rediscover” the “enlightened man” because he “gets a bit of a bad show”.

Of course, Cook never circumnavigated Australia. Matthew Flinders did; he and cat Trim mapped the coastline from 1801 to 1803.

The Australian National Maritime Museum told Strewth the replica is currently docked outside its museum in Darling Harbour.

“Unfortunately due to COVID-19 the museum has had to cancel the voyages of the HMB Endeavour to mark the 250th anniversary of James Cook’s 1770 charting of the east coast of Australia. The Endeavour remains an important tool for sharing the work of the museum to the Australian public.”

There is some positive news after the oar-deal — the shipwreck appears to have saved Josh Frydenberg’s budget around $4.2m.

Probably not enough to cover the $1.2bn robo-debt settlement.

Flying the flag

Political correctness ahoy! Nestle has announced a woke rebrand. Allens Red Skins will be known as Red Rippers and Chicos as Cheekies, with the new wrappers hitting shelves in early 2021.

Nestle general manager of confectionery Chris O’Donnell (not to be confused with actor Chris O’Donnell from feminist film Batman & Robin) said the name change was because of overtones that are out of step with the company’s values. “

Nestle has an unwavering commitment to upholding respect for our friends, neighbours and colleagues. We hope Australians will support the evolution of these two much-loved lollies — while the names are new, the lollies themselves remain unchanged,” O’Donnell said. “We will keep pack changes simple to help lolly lovers find their favourites easily.”

The Prime Minister at a recreation of the act of reconciliation between Captain James Cook and the indigenous people at Reconciliation Rock in Cooktown.

Raising the bar

Scott Morrison and his Australian flag mask popped up in Melbourne for the first time since February.

“It is great to be back. I have ended my run without a Melbourne coffee for some time,” Morrison said before flexing his muscles with Liberal MP Katie Allen at a barre class (a fitness fad he hadn’t heard of and couldn’t pronounce — its “bar” no “barr-aye” — at the start of the pandemic) at Heal’r Specialised Studios.

“Everything’s cracking,” he joked on pointe after trying a plié sans jacket and shoes but with shirt, tie and mask.

Better latte than never!

Which reminded us of research by The Australia Institute last year that aimed to dispel caffeine preferences from political gybes and tacks — laneway latte belt, cold brew curtain, cappuccino cummerbund, ristretto roadblock, long black lattice, americano avenue, flat white white board, espresso entourage, oat milk affogato garage, mocha mantle, soy sunglasses etc.

It found Liberal voters were the No 1 latte sippers among Quiet Australians.

Among regular latte drinkers, voting intentions were 34 per cent LNP, 32 per cent Labor, 16 per cent Greens and 7 per cent One Nation.

Regular chai latte drinkers, those who drink non-dairy alternative and chardonnay drinks are also more likely to vote for the Liberals or Nationals, followed by Labor. Inner-city voters and Greens voters were more likely to drink flat whites or beer.

Could that be why patriot Morrison was spotted in Broadmeadows with his flag mask on upside down, which is widely considered a signal of distress.

On pointe.

Face the music

Spotted — Don Harwin unmasked.

One of Strewth’s cultural correspondent spied the NSW Arts Minister (and his plus one) in the house seats at the Australian Chamber Orchestra’s performance of Beethoven 250 this weekend.

Remember him? The controversial Liberal who was dumped from Gladys Berejiklian’s cabinet after being caught at his beach house during lockdown, only to be reinstated months later after his fine was withdrawn.

But back to Sydney’s City Recital Hall.

Given that both the venue and the ACO’s literature and signage “strongly encourage” the wearing of masks and Harwin’s assumed vested interest in the future of live performance in this state (acknowledged in the introduction by artistic director Richard Tognetti), Strewth was surprised to hear the pair was sans face coverings.

Not men of the (face) cloth?

Also spotted — the most Canberra (Times) Bubble™ headline we’ve ever seen: “Enthusiasm for mandatory face masks grows among Canberra audience”.

Sure, Jan.

London calling

Bad news for Boris Johnson.

“Today I was notified by NHS Test and Trace that I must self-isolate as I have been in contact with someone who tested positive for COVID-19,” the formerly viral British PM tweeted, following his no-mask meeting with Tory MP Lee Anderson.

“I have no symptoms but am following the rules and will be working from No 10 as I continue to lead the government’s pandemic response.”

BoJo spent days in intensive care in April, and things were so bad he confessed afterwards: “They had a strategy to deal with a ‘Death of Stalin’-type scenario. I was not in particularly brilliant shape and I was aware there were contingency plans in place.”

And here we just assumed outgoing adviser Dominic Cummings would pull a Weekend At Bernies.

This photograph is phenomenal.

Credit: @hollieaadams pic.twitter.com/8iAkVFcmOY

— Richard Preston (@richardpreston_) November 13, 2020

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