A Perthect place for parliament to sit

Labor MP Patrick Gorman says he has a safe island location for parliament. Hint: question time could become Quokka time.

And the locals are friendly.

Remember NRL Island? The extremely serious (and not at all ridiculous) pandemic proposal to kickstart the footy season by shipping players to a remote island? Labor member for Perth Patrick Gorman has taken that idea and run with it. “It’s unacceptable that we don’t have a proper plan for the parliament to continue sitting,” he said in reference to Scott Morrison cancelling two weeks in August and refusing to move debate online. “Now Canberra’s obviously built for it so that should be our first choice but if that’s what it takes to continue our democratic traditions then yes, bring parliament here to Western Australia. We’ll build our own parliamentary bubble: the Canberra Bubble 2.0™.” Talk about a Perthectuion complex! Gorman told Strewth he’s even got a place in mind.

“We do have access to an island location, Rottnest Island. Question Time could become Quokka Time and it would probably become a much more pleasant experience.”

Self conch-ous

We think Gorman’s idea has strong Lord of the Flies potential (as opposed to the fun and games Ginger and the gang had on Gilligan’s Island). Especially as Rottnest is known to house some of the most hotly contested polling booths on the West coast. But we’ll defer to the backhanded compliment from this paper’s own Paul Garvey, who said Mark McGowan’s hard border closure “may be the world’s most pleasant hostage situation”. Perthection!

A ditty for Donald

The Hoodoo Gurus are bucking the trend with their new tune Hung Out To Dry (Because Donald Trump Is Dripping Wet). “He’s offended us for years and now we’re giving some back,” said the Gurus’ singer and songwriter Dave Faulkner. “If he’s looking for songs to play at his rallies he’s welcome to this one!” The lockdown track (out now!) was self-produced and recorded last month, and comes with a video clip homage to Bob Dylan’s Subterranean Homesick Blues … with added Trump and Vladimir Putin masks. It ends with the world leaders kissing in a golf cart and driving off a Bondi cliff, Thelma and Louise style. We’re sure there will be hell toupee (but we shall overcomb).

The Hoodoo Gurus as The Don and Vlad.

Lord of the fries

Strewth was recently accused of not writing anything positive about Sadelaide. But how can we with news like this? Instead of being happy at the AFL’s return, fans were salty over the size of hot chip servings dished up by Adelaide Oval on Monday night. Not enough room for a fair shake of the sauce bottle? You know what they say — taters gonna tate. The furore reached such a fever pitch that Adelaide Oval general manager Darren Chandler was forced to give a press conference. Who copped the blame? Coronavirus. “We serve all our food as pre-packaged. Previously the chips were overflowing and now we need to close the lids,” Chandler said. “But as a result that has made us aware that there is less chips being served, so as of this weekend we are changing the size of that packaging to make sure we can get the same number of chips.” Chip-chip hooray! All we can say is, thank god it’s Fry-day.

Dutton dusted

Home Affairs Minister Peter Dutton thinks Daniel Andrews should “swallow his pride” and accept more assistance from the federal government. How did the Victorian Premier respond? With a Dandemic zinger. “If I need something I don’t hesitate to ask — and I’ll tell you who I ask. I ask the Prime Minister. I don’t waste my time asking the bloke who he beat in a party room ballot.”

Stay pawsitive

There was a surprisingly furry guest at Thursday’s sports rorts inquiry — Janet Rice’s cat Trieste, who appeared on the lap of the Greens senator as she virtually appeared at the Senate hearing.

Janet Rice and Trieste.

“She’s 14 years old and is very smoochy,” Rice told Strewth about the domestic short-hair. “She loves me being home and would spend the whole day on either my shoulder or my lap given half a chance. We got her as a kitten from the Lort Smith Animal Hospital. It’s been great to have her to cuddle during the lockdown.” We hear Trieste wasn’t a fan of the sporting tit-for-tat and opted instead for a nap.

What the duck?

“I’m calling it: 2020s Bird of the Year is the masked lapwing,” author Harry Saddler has decided.

The masked lapwing.

Why? “It wears a mask at all times; yells at anyone who gets too close; first to raise the alarm against any threat & let everyone else in the neighbourhood know; raises precocial chicks so is probably tired all the time.” Toucan play at that game.

Knead to know

Finally, some correspondence. Michael suggests: “If 2020 was a food, it would be a pizza that was dropped when the delivery person tripped walking out the door.” That can’t be topped.

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