In pizza we crust, say ‘royals’

Have you seen Domino’s latest ad campaign? It stars two silver spoon Brits sitting in front of a fire, sharing a slice and reminiscing after a royal rift.

Have you seen Domino’s latest ad campaign? It stars two silver spoon Brits sitting in front of a fire, sharing a slice and reminiscing after a royal rift. The older woman (a real pizza work complete with pearls and perfectly coiffured white hair) starts: “It’s so good to see you again Harry.” “You too, Granny,” the ginger (such a fungi) replies. He stops short of saying she has a piece of his heart. The Queen continues: “I’m actually glad we split … whoever thought you could combine a supreme and pepperoni?”

Cue voiceover: “Nothing brings people together like a half ’n’ half.” But before you ask — it’s absolutely, in no way whatsoever, a dig at Meghan Markle and her mixed-race heritage, the pizza company claims. “Our latest television commercial, featuring Prince Harry and the Queen coming together over a Domino’s half ’n’ half pizza, celebrates uniting people through pizza,” a spokesperson says. “Let’s not confuse the issue.” The campaign, created by Sydney-based agency Elevencom, is meant to promote that Domino’s has “said Harryverderci” (its pun, not ours) to the surcharge on split pizzas. Sounds half-baked to us.

A real life family feud? Happier times between Megs, Harry and Lizzie.

Can’t be topped

If 2020 were a food, what would it be? Burnt banana bread? Failed-to-rise sourdough? Cold takeaway delivered after an hour’s wait? “A tripe with a double serving of brussels sprouts,” according to Justin Clancy, Liberal MP for the NSW state seat of Albury. He’s upset the border bubble with Wodonga in Victoria is being popped. A word of warning for Clancy, and anyone else in a hotspot — why was the brussels sprout sent to prison? Because it was a repeat offender. Hence why hoarders are still panic-buying toilet paper.

Bright on time

This brings us to Strewth’s new COVID-19 quiz: bitter Victorian or toddler throwing a tantrum? For example, someone sick of walking the same streets around their Melbourne suburb. The answer? Jodi Grollo, daughter of billionaire pokies baron Bruce Mathieson. He whirled in at No 75 in this august organ’s Australia’s Richest 250 last year, with a fortune estimated at $1.1bn. Grollo and husband Gianni Grollo also own hundreds of pokie licences. She shot to social media fame last weekend for her fast-paced response to Victoria’s ban on travelling for exercise. “Well, you get sick of walking the same streets. You know. I’ve done, I’ve done all of Brighton,” Grollo told Nine News. Dan Andrews took a run up with his response: “Whether you’re in Broadmeadows or Brighton, stay at home means stay at home. And if walking your local streets is boring, well, being bored is much better than being in intensive care. That’s my clear message.” Grollo has taken it all in her stride, confessing she skipped the Victorian Premier’s press conference and hasn’t seen the viral tweets calling her “tone-deaf” and “privileged”. “I’m not on social media so I didn’t see any (of the backlash). To be honest, I found it funny — it made my weekend,” she says. “I’m providing people with some light entertainment to get them through the Dan-demic.” Five stars! A tongue-in-cheek tribute to Grollo has popped up on Facebook called “Karen from Brighton”: 140 fans and counting.

Karen-ing on

For the uninitiated, “Karen” is described by Wikipedia as a pejorative term for “a woman perceived to be entitled or demanding beyond the scope of what is considered appropriate … As of 2020, the term was increasingly being used as a general-purpose term of disapproval for middle-aged white women.”

Billionaire Bruce Mathieson.

Unbelievable scenes. @DanielAndrewsMP just 100% destroying Karen from Brighton. pic.twitter.com/Tlk7Iku2r2

— Keegs (@keegs) July 18, 2020

Walking on sunshine

“OK I took shortcuts, missed a few streets and bulldozed through a few houses … but I’ve done the calculation and the distance of ‘all of Brighton’ is 55.12km so she must be quite a fit person,” RMIT University journalism lecturer Tito Ambyo tweeted. Grollo must get up Bright-on early!

ok I took shortcuts, missed a few streets and bulldozed through a few houses (which arguably is a very Karen thing to do) but I've done the calculation and the distance of 'all of Brighton' is 55.12 kms so she must be quite a fit person pic.twitter.com/b6kODqFpoK

— Tito Ambyo (@Tito_Ambyo) July 18, 2020

Escaladed quickly

A stat from inside the Canberra Bubble™. “This month 150 per cent more people (256) changed their drivers licence and 35 per cent more people changed their car rego, from Vic to ACT,” ABC radio host Anna Vidot tweeted. “Extremely and amusingly and typically Canberran that it took a pandemic and a closed border for this to happen.” Un-wheel.

Keep calm & curry on

Last week it was fried chicken fines; now, Korma Chameleon (Strewth’s spicy take on the Culture Club classic tune). A Melbourne man copped a $1652 infringement after he drove more than 30km from Werribee, in the outer southwest, to the CBD for his favourite butter chicken. At 40 minutes each way, wouldn’t it have been cold when he got home? It must have been some curry — second to naan!

[e-mail]