Scott Morrison survives National Press Club roasting as faux election campaign begins
There was a tingling sensation when Scott Morrison ascended to the stage of the National Press Club on Tuesday.
Nothing to do with the tin foil hat convoy camped outside the Canberra restaurant chanting “Drain The Billabong!”, the down under version of Donald Trump’s slogan “drain the swamp”.
Hopefully someone pointed out the irony to the hundreds of anti-vaxxers that their protest chant of choice — Brick in the Wall by Pink Floyd — contains the lyrics “we don’t need no education”.
Another day at the office â¦@PressClubAustâ© pic.twitter.com/PftTa4AFqL
— Laura Tingle (@latingle) February 1, 2022
Instead, all eyes were on the Prime Minister and the NPC emcee, ABC chief political correspondent Laura Tingle.
“It‘s a new year,” Tingle set the tone of the press gallery probe. “So, a good opportunity to clear the air. You’ve acknowledged today you didn’t get everything right. And that you understand the frustration people have felt over the summer.”
“But do you want to take this opportunity to actually say sorry for the mistakes you‘ve made as prime minister?” Tingle embarked on a list of Quiet Australian grievances: not holding a hose in Hawaii, shot strollout and the NDIS, to name a few.
“Well, thanks for the question,” Morrison smirked, prompting a chorus of laughs from his cabinet colleagues in the sold-out crowd.
Tingle shot back: “Always happy to ask you questions, Prime Minister.”
Was that a not-so-subtle reference to this paper’s revelation, in Monday’s Media Diary, that the Prime Minister has an “extremely small” list of journalists he won’t do interviews with?
So small in fact, it seems to consist of one person — Tingle.
Cue the body language experts! Tingle slightly shifted in her chair, as sweat appeared on Morrison’s brow. Last week’s Lodge smiles were forgotten, as lips were pursed and eyes rolled.
Diners were disappointed not to see a repeat of 2016 Not Impressed Tingle, when her head infamously found its way into her hands during a debate.
Luckily, NPC executive chef Daren Tetley stepped up to the plate with a $85 three-course diplomatic feed.
There was a main of Roasted Apple Tea infused West Coast Tasmanian ocean trout (A RAT, geddit?).
And to finish? “Four Clifftop Cheese” from the Adelaide Hills. (Forklift, boom tish).
The real Pin Drop Moment came half an hour later, care of Peter van Onselen.
The Australian columnist pulled out an alleged text message exchange between former NSW Premier (and after this, possibly former Morrison friend) and an unnamed current Liberal cabinet minister.
Quoth PVO: “In one (Gladys) describes you as: ‘A horrible, horrible person,’ going on to say she did not trust you and you‘re more concerned with politics than people. The minister is even more scathing, describing you as a ‘fraud’ and ‘a complete psycho’.”
If looks could kill, PVO would be in a light to moderate coma.
“Well, I don‘t know who you’re referring to, or the basis of what you’ve put to me,” the poker face prime minister replied carefully. “But I obviously don‘t agree with it.”
The one and a half-hour pow wow concluded with one final Tingle tip — will the Prime Minister sign up to debate Anthony Albanese before the next democracy sausage day?
“Of course I will. We'll be debating lots!” Morrison beamed, a glint in his eye.
It’s official. The faux election campaign – the shampaign, if you will – is full steam ahead.
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