The Mocker muses on how Jane Caro, candidate for the Reason Party, would introduce herself to the Senate if she were elected:
As an acclaimed novelist, writer, social commentator, public speaker, and Walkley Award winner, I would normally have no trouble in preparing my first speech as senator, especially one concerning my favourite subject. But a time limit, not to mention modesty, precludes me from listing all my achievements.
I say to you my being elected is a sign that conservatism’s influence is waning. It is time for senators and MPs to listen to Australians, and by that I mean real Australians. Let us heed the wise words of those who appear on The Drum as well as Q&A, let us pay serious attention to the speakers at writers’ festivals, let us respect the wisdom of human rights commissioners. And let us read the room, by which I mean Twitter.
To use one of my oft-repeated expressions, I am existentially terrified of climate change. As one who has more experience than most in seeing the planet from a commercial airline, I have seen first-hand the effects of climate change, and it distresses me greatly. For the sake of our children, Australia must reduce its carbon emissions, but instead government sides with the big emitters, particularly the coal and fossil fuel industries. These are the thoughts that preoccupy me as I travel in our Toyota Landcruiser VX from our North Shore home to our farm in the Upper Hunter.
I come to this chamber with an open mind, one free of preconceived ideas. I only wish everyone in this country had my attitude. It troubles me to see in this place an Australian flag, which I associate with racism. As I have observed on social media, I assume people who fly the flag outside their homes are racist. In fact I said in 2015 that Australia is more racist than South Africa was during the apartheid era. I have lost count of the number of times I have said I am ashamed of this country. As you can understand, it was an exceedingly difficult decision on my part to accept an Order of Australia in 2019, but ultimately my sense of civic duty overrode my misgivings.
It is my fervent hope that Australia will one day be a secular democracy. I stand by my opinion that we live in a “soft theocracy” given we subsidise religious schools, which by nature discriminate. My tolerant nature and open mind are such that I have a deep suspicion of parents who do not send their children to public schools.
I myself am a product of the public education system, and without the skills it taught me I would not have won a Walkley Award. Private schools, on the other hand, foster elitism, privilege, and intolerance. As I wrote in 2018, I think the Tax Office should audit all parents with a low taxable income who send their children to private schools.
I hope my fellow senators and the Australian people appreciate the enormous sacrifice I have made in standing for public office, something that compelled me to renounce my British citizenship. Previously I had called for the Constitution to be changed to accommodate people in my situation, but the government ignored me. I suspect it was because I was a woman, or that the prejudice against British migrants is still a factor. To them I say the stereotype of the whingeing Pom who complains incessantly about Australia is an outdated notion.
Among the many skills I bring to this place is my expertise in communications and a gift for words. As I wrote on Facebook when announcing my intention to run for the Senate, “It’s time to get shit done and stop electing governments who don’t believe in governments”. Did I mention I am a Walkley Award winner?
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In-demand writer @janecaro hasn’t got time to help all her many admirers but she does have time to pen this masterclass in self-regard. Please enjoy. https://t.co/8oy1m124kA
— Fred Pawle (@FredPawle) April 19, 2019
The Reason Party has decided Jane Caro represents its best chance of securing a NSW Senate seat in the forthcoming federal election. I can only assume its nomenclature is analogous to that of a despot third world country which has the adjective ‘Democratic’ in its official title. In other words, it is anything but.
Nonetheless Caro has a high profile, thanks to her remarkable capacity for self-promotion and her ability to confidently deliver an opinion about anything, regardless of how little she knows about the subject. When called out on her ignorance, her usual response is to claim her critics are motivated by misogyny and sexism. Like many faultfinders, she quickly resorts to victimhood when her hypocrisy is exposed.
Her reaction to the election result in 2019 is a case in point. “Well, Australia may be f..ked and the whole planet not far behind but I am at the best, most brilliant and cool wedding I have ever been too (sic),” she tweeted late on election night. “So I shall just dance & get pissed & stick two rude fingers up to the truculent turds who voted to turn backwards.” And then tweeting again for good measure: “I wish I was a New Zealander”.
To Caro’s dismay, many Australians wished the same, some even offering to fund her migration across the ditch provided she not return. Writing in the Sydney Morning Herald two days later, her reaction was most revealing. Saying only she had “sent a couple of ill-advised tweets,” she complained of being called an “absolute bitch” in response.
“But I don’t tell you this to evoke sympathy,” she added. No, of course not. Notably, she did not apologise for her own conduct, despite having insulted half the nation. Want to see these tolerance luminaries for what they really are? All it takes is a skinful.
But in one respect Caro has advanced gender equality, something central to her policies. She has demonstrated that women can be as vain, pompous, and obnoxious as any man. And while it would be a big mistake for any government to disregard the voices of women, one thing should be remembered. Refusing to take women seriously and refusing to take Jane Caro seriously are vastly different things.
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FFS! I am a cattle breeder and part owner of a wine company! Don’t tell me about climate change. Those who think it is not happening, not our fault or something we can just ignore are blinded by ideology.
— Jane Caro (@JaneCaro) August 25, 2018
Fascinating that the fallback defence for selling coal is the drug dealers, people smugglers & tobacco companies final defence - ‘Well, if there’s demand, there will be supply’ Failed for them too.
— Jane Caro (@JaneCaro) November 15, 2021
Dear climate deniers like Michael Smith. Please be aware my husband & I have 100 acres of hard wood eucalypts growing on our farm. I am soaking up all my carbon and some of yours. And you?
— Jane Caro (@JaneCaro) February 15, 2020
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