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The Mocker

PM’s ‘comprehensive’ Covid inquiry: the farce unravels

The Mocker
Daniel Andrews, Anthony Albanese and Annastacia Palaszczuk meet with other state premiers for national cabinet in Brisbane. Picture: NCA NewsWire/John Gass
Daniel Andrews, Anthony Albanese and Annastacia Palaszczuk meet with other state premiers for national cabinet in Brisbane. Picture: NCA NewsWire/John Gass

Following the abortive press conference in which he announced his long awaited Covid-19 inquiry will not examine the “unilateral actions” of the states and territories, Prime Minister Anthony Albanese again fronts the media.

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Albanese: I’ve called this press conference because a lot of rubbish has been said about my decision to hold an inquiry into the Commonwealth’s response to Covid. Let me be clear, I make no apologies for being determined to examine what went wrong or for protecting Australians. So fire away with your questions.

Journalist: Prime Minister, you said on July 12, 2020, and I quote: “I would be very surprised when all of this is over and life is returned to normal, if we don’t have a very comprehensive inquiry into the handling of this.” But your inquiry won’t even be able to compel witnesses to answer, and neither can it examine the actions of the states. How is that a very comprehensive inquiry?

Albanese: Look, I get it. Thousands of Australians died from Covid. Businesses went bust and livelihoods were destroyed. A generation of kids lost their chance to learn social skills at the most impressionable time of their lives. It was the biggest social upheaval since WWII, and for all we know another pandemic could be just around the corner.

Journalist: Then why not a royal commission?

Albanese: Because royal commissions should only be used for very serious matters.

Journalist: Prime Minister, we now know most of these lockdowns and border closures were unnecessary. The epidemiologists and other experts who incessantly demanded them have been discredited. What’s more, decisions affecting people’s lives were made by faceless bureaucrats. And to make matters worse, often it wasn’t the science that was behind the closure of borders, but rather secret polling commissioned by Labor staffers. Can you understand why the public is so disillusioned?

Flemington public housing tower residents receive a resupply of goods during lockdown. Picture: Jake Nowakowski
Flemington public housing tower residents receive a resupply of goods during lockdown. Picture: Jake Nowakowski
Police guard the perimeter of the North Melbourne public housing estate. Picture: NCA NewsWire / Andrew Henshaw
Police guard the perimeter of the North Melbourne public housing estate. Picture: NCA NewsWire / Andrew Henshaw

Albanese: It is very important that people do not lose faith in the system. That is why I have arranged for this independent inquiry to be overseen by an epidemiological expert, a bureaucrat, and a former Labor staffer who demanded hard lockdowns.

Journalist: Prime Minister, during the pandemic, the Morrison government was hamstrung because it had no power to direct a co-ordinated and nationwide response, which resulted in the states becoming individual fiefdoms. Shouldn’t we be talking about amending the constitution to stop this autocratic fracturing from happening again?

Albanese: Exactly. And that is why it is crucial that next month Australians vote for an Indigenous voice to parliament.

Journalist: Prime Minister, what is your response to the claim by Opposition Leader Peter Dutton that this inquiry is a farce?

Commentators say the inquiry’s narrow terms of reference are a blatant political ploy to protect current and former Labor premiers, particularly Daniel Andrews. Picture: Getty Images
Commentators say the inquiry’s narrow terms of reference are a blatant political ploy to protect current and former Labor premiers, particularly Daniel Andrews. Picture: Getty Images

Albanese: As I said last week, “The Coalition are addicted to saying ‘no’ to everything, and that’s why I think the Coalition of yesterday have been turned into the Noalition of today”.

Journalist: So just to clarify, the Coalition not only want the inquiry to scrutinise the actions of the state premiers, but also to be in the form of a royal commission?

Albanese: That is what they have asked for.

Journalist: And you say, “We’re not going to allow that”.

Albanese: It’s not happening. No way.

Journalist: So your steadfast refusal to allow what they and many others are calling for means the Coalition is addicted to saying no?

Albanese: Yes – no – I mean, next question.

Former WA premier Mark McGowan.
Former WA premier Mark McGowan.
Queensland Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk.
Queensland Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk.

Journalist: Prime Minister, you said last week that this inquiry, quote, “should not be a source of conflict”. But as the Opposition says, isn’t that just an excuse for not examining the decisions of the states, many of which were extremely controversial?

Albanese: Look at the Opposition’s motives. They don’t want to contribute anything constructive. Tories only want to engage in conflict. That’s what they do.

Journalist: Prime Minister, you accused the Morrison government of recklessly spending billions in taxpayer funds during the pandemic. Yet in August 2021 you as Opposition Leader demanded the federal government pay $300 to every Australian to get vaccinated, a policy that would have cost $6 billion had it been implemented. Will that rash demand of yours also be examined in this inquiry?

Albanese: You want to co-opt the institutions of the state to attack your political opponents? That has no place in our democracy. This is not about shaming the Opposition of 2021.

Journalist: Then what is it about?

Albanese: It is about shaming the Opposition of 2023.

A protester holds a placard as thousands march through after Victorian government announces construction shutdown on September 21, 2021. Picture: Getty Images
A protester holds a placard as thousands march through after Victorian government announces construction shutdown on September 21, 2021. Picture: Getty Images

Journalist: Prime Minister, commentators are saying your narrow terms of reference for the inquiry are a blatant political ploy to protect current and former Labor premiers, particularly Daniel Andrews. What’s your response?

Albanese: I reject that entirely. My government is one of honesty and transparency.

Journalist: Is it true you don’t have the gumption to do anything that might get Daniel Andrews offside?

Albanese: Not at all. I am never afraid to offer constructive criticism, even in Dan’s case.

Journalist: What do you think he could have done better in the pandemic?

Albanese: Holding 120 consecutive press conferences was a phenomenal effort by Dan, but it nearly killed him. That is what happens when you sacrifice yourself for others. Had he turned it down just a notch, Victorians would still have the most brilliant premier the state has ever had. And to Dan’s credit, he would cop that criticism on the chin.

Journalist: Did former WA Premier Mark McGowan do everything right?

Albanese: Mark’s a great bloke who did a fantastic job. But he didn’t remind us enough that Western Australia kept the entire country going financially during the pandemic. I want all WA residents, especially those in marginal federal seats, to know I’ll always be grateful for what they did.

PM makes desperate plea to QLD Premier: "It’s not about borders"

Journalist: Prime Minister, that’s hardly criticism. What about Queensland Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk and her refusal to let a grieving Canberra woman attend her father’s funeral, even though the ACT had no Covid cases at the time? She didn’t relent even when then prime minister Scott Morrison implored her to.

Albanese: Well as I said last week, the inquiry is going to look at the actions of the previous government, and I hope that would include the attempted bullying and intimidation of the Queensland Premier by Scott Morrison.

Journalist: You’ve not one criticism of Ms Palaszczuk’s actions in shutting people out?

Albanese: (Pauses) Well, maybe just one. Annastacia allowed footy teams from interstate to enter. She also let Dannii Minogue in and allowed her to quarantine at home. She even let in Hollywood stars like Tom Hanks. Do you see where I’m going?

‘No point’ to Covid inquiry if states aren’t investigated

Journalist: I think so. You want to know why ordinary Australians were denied …

Albanese: I want to know why Shaquille O’Neal missed out.

Journalist: Prime Minister, what do you have to say to those who suffered because of state governments making arbitrary and heartless decisions during the pandemic? Families such as the public housing residents of Flemington and North Melbourne who were surrounded by armed police without notice and unlawfully confined to their tiny apartments for up to 14 days but haven’t received so much as an apology from the Andrews government?

Albanese: I say to them, “Never lose sight of your dream.” On that note, let me tell you a story about the son of a single mother who grew up in public housing …

According to The Mocker, who can never be taken seriously.

Read related topics:Anthony AlbaneseCoronavirus
The Mocker

The Mocker amuses himself by calling out poseurs, sneering social commentators, and po-faced officials. He is deeply suspicious of those who seek increased regulation of speech and behaviour. Believing that journalism is dominated by idealists and activists, he likes to provide a realist's perspective of politics and current affairs.

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Original URL: https://www.theaustralian.com.au/commentary/pms-comprehensive-covid-inquiry-the-farce-unravels/news-story/b39156352719af719f96532dd35b548c