Kowtowing kangaroos and the perils of free press

Chinese Ambassador to Australia Cheng Jingye, left, and Chinese Foreign Ministry spokesman Zhao Lijian. Pictures: AFP

China’s list of fourteen grievances against Australia, which embassy officials gave last week to Nine News, The Sydney Morning Herald and The Age, are of concern. Not just the demands, but the symbolism of their number.

My first thought was former French premier George Clemenceau and his bemused reaction to the 14 principles that American president Woodrow Wilson proposed as a basis for ending World War I: “The good Lord himself required only ten.” If only this were a case of abstract verbosity. The notoriously superstitious Chinese avoid numbers ending in four because that numeral is associated with death, and 14 stands out in this respect given its pronunciation in some Chinese dialects sounds like “will certainly die”. Oh dear.

What a depressing change it is compared to December last year, when Chinese ambassador Cheng Jingye called an extraordinary press conference to remind us of how fab a friend we have in China.

“Australia’s 33 per cent increase in sales to China is largely responsible for the federal budget returning to surplus ahead of schedule,” he said.

Budget surpluses? Oh yes, I remember them. We were forecast to achieve one this year, but now we have a deficit of $85.3 billion thanks to COVID-19. As for the origin of the virus and its effect on the Australian economy, Cheng has been reticent. But I am sure he, if asked, would say we cannot attribute our fiscal catastrophe to China.

Sadly, we appear to have lost Cheng, who in April proved to be a Sino slap-merchant when he angrily threatened Australia with trade boycotts after the Morrison Government suggested an inquiry into the outbreak of the coronavirus pandemic.

To which we can only say: “We are very sorry for our barbarian slights, Excellency,” and “It was wrong of us to besmirch the good name of the Chinese Communist Party, Excellency,” and “The sun shines out of Beijing, Excellency”.

In appealing for China’s mercy, we could also try the “Despite our differences our countries have much in common” line.

Juniors in the authoritarian stakes

For example, we too have no absolute privilege against self-incrimination. We also must account to po-faced officials for words that threaten the so-called social harmony.

And just lately, our governments have arbitrarily imposed curfews on an entire city and forbidden people from moving across state borders without permission. Granted, we are the junior players in the authoritarian stakes, but surely you would admit we have potential.

Given China is very cross with us, any conciliatory gesture on Australia’s part would have to be done with finesse.

Their ministers refuse to take calls from their Australian counterparts, so clearly backdoor diplomacy will not work. No, it must be so subtle in order that they get the message without it appearing as if we are trying to give them one. Just a casual reference by a minister that could be overheard by passers-by, or even better said on a Huawei phone, regarding how much we miss our CCP friends.

Addressing China’s demands

As for China’s demands, let’s address just some individually, beginning with CCP annoyance at our position on the South China Sea.

Now what we were thinking in formally declaring to the UN in July that Chinese maritime claims there had “no legal basis”?

Honestly, how inept of us. To quote the revered Australian statesman Sam Dastyari: “The Chinese integrity of its borders is a matter for China”.

A Chinese Embassy official has given @jekearsley Beijing’s list of grievances with Canberra. All can be repaired if we are willing to muzzle our media, shut down our think tanks and sell off strategic assets. @9NewsAUS https://t.co/mgMcSlJVZN https://t.co/VBpGMgpdTk

— Chris Uhlmann (@CUhlmann) November 18, 2020

Indeed, the wise words of the former senator cannot be emphasised enough. “As a supporter of China, and a friend of China, the Australian Labor Party is playing an important role in maintaining that relationship,” he told Chinese journalists in 2016. “And the best way of maintaining that relationship is knowing when it is and isn’t our place to be involved.”

Another grievance is “the early dawn search and reckless seizure of Chinese journalists’ homes and properties without any charges and giving any explanations,” referring to an ASIO raid in Sydney on June 26.

No red tape in China

This must be a misunderstanding, and it stems from ASIO having to obtain a warrant signed by the Attorney-General, the nation’s top law officer.

The Chinese journalists must have freaked out at the thought that our counter-spooks need permission at the highest level to search a humble residence. No such red tape in China! As for the objection to an “early dawn search,” well that is easily fixed. From now these warrants will be executed at late dawn. All good?

Enjoyed incredible views & the history of the Nanjing City Wall (China) during a walking tour early this morning. pic.twitter.com/Tt0G85b75C

— Dan Andrews (@DanielAndrewsMP) September 24, 2015

Slightly perplexing was China’s citing “Outrageous condemnation of the governing party of China by MPs and racist attacks against Chinese or Asian people”. Chinese or Asian people? As for the MPs’ criticising the CCP, please be assured and take heart, honourable sirs, that at least some Australian politicians regard the national interest as subordinate to harmonious relations with China.

Take for instance WA Premier Mark McGowan, who just this month publicly criticised the Morrison Government, saying it should “rebalance and get back onto a good, solid relationship” with China. Last month he told a mining forum in Kalgoorlie that while foreign affairs was the Commonwealth’s domain, WA would advocate for a “sensible dialogue”.

Then there is former foreign minister Bob Carr, who yesterday told the South China Morning Post that Australia has “gravitated towards the most adversarial position on China” and that since 2017, “90 per cent of our rhetoric has been negative.”

Kowtowing kangaroos

And yesterday Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews stressed the state’s Belt and Road Initiative agreement with China was still current, lamenting that the federal government’s relationship with that country was “not in a great place at the moment “.

At this rate China will soon bestow these candidates with the “kowtowing kangaroo” award.

As for China’s anger at the Commonwealth for introducing legislation “to torpedo the Victorian participation in B&R, one can only sympathise. Surely, for example, the CCP would allow Guangdong Province to sign a similar agreement with Australia, even if the entire Chinese Politburo were opposed to it?

China is a good friend of Western Australia and our largest trading partner. 25 per cent of the WA economy is based on our trade with China. I urge members of the Liberal Party to stop damaging the relationship and threatening WA jobs with extreme and inflammatory language.

— Mark McGowan (@MarkMcGowanMP) August 8, 2019

But Cheng, old chap, I have to say I am conflicted with this one. I do not dispute the wonderful, prosperous, altruistic, and benevolent nature of B&R, but when I see Andrews, and fellow Sino-sycophant and Treasurer Tim Pallas, I have this vision of the Port of Melbourne going the way of Sri Lanka’s Hambantota Port, which is now the subject of a 99-year Chinese lease. That situation resulted from Sri Lanka’s massive debt to China. Given government debt in Victoria will rise to nearly $155 billion within three years – more than 28 per cent of Victoria’s annual economic output – you cannot blame the feds for getting in the way of this dalliance.

Ploughing through the list here, and we have “spreading disinformation imported from the US around China’s efforts of containing COVID-19”. Containing? That is a most interesting use of that verb, but let’s just say China has done a splendid job in containing COVID-19, the result being only 60 million cases and 1.4 million deaths worldwide. China, to paraphrase the Andrews Government cheerleaders, HAS ABSOLUTELY SMASHED IT.

As for our “incessant wanton interference in China’s Xinjiang, Hong Kong and Taiwan affairs,” it can only be hegemonic intentions. Contrast this with the measured and temperate language of China’s foreign ministry spokesperson Zhao Lijian, who last week said the Five Eyes nations “should beware of their eyes being poked and blinded” if they “dare harm China’s sovereignty, security and development interests”.

Lastly, there is the “unfriendly or antagonistic report on China by media, poisoning the atmosphere of bilateral relations”. Again, I can only apologise for this journalistic impertinence.

They are the perils of a free press, something that China and sometimes even Australian politicians have trouble accepting. Maybe the solution is to commission a government inquiry to dissuade criticism of political figures under the guise of restoring “balance” to journalism – actually, come to think of it, Kevin, or should I say Lù Kèwén – have you got a moment?