Good beats bad and ugly in Aussie politics

Illustration: Eric Lobbecke

Possibly the weirdest assignment one of Australia’s most distinguished public servants, Martin Parkinson, was given by a political master was to administer the anti-bonking ban, which decreed federal ministers should not doodle about with their staff.

The ban outlives Parkinson, who was fond of joking to friends he had been appointed the ABC (the Anti Bonking Commissioner) and ticks away, awaiting his deserving successor as head of the Department of Prime Minister and Cabinet, Phil Gaetjens. It remains in the Statement of Ministerial Standards, section 2.24 under “other relationships” stating flatly: “Ministers must not engage in sexual relations with their staff. Doing so will constitute a breach of this code.”

Scott Morrison was one of the few ministers — and the only other member of Malcolm Turnbull’s leadership group — to wholeheartedly support Turnbull’s decision to impose the ban, originally designed to pressure Barnaby Joyce into resigning. Joyce was trying desperately to hang on as Nationals leader and deputy prime minister after news broke that his former press secretary, Vikki Campion, was pregnant with his child. The repercussions that flowed from the affair were immense, particularly after Joyce’s hurt, angry wife, Natalie, went public. Apart from the personal tragedy for his family, the affair wrecked his career and helped wreck the Turnbull government.

Given the foibles of politicians, the nature of their work environment and the kind of people it attracts, it would be futile to say the existing ban and the memory of Joyce’s fate means we are unlikely to see such a sequence of events, or similar, again. If anything, the latest allegations by ministerial staff should at least prompt a reworking of the code to ensure ministers (and prime ministers) are compelled directly as employers to protect their staff from bullying and sexual assault, and to have complaints formally investigated — particularly if other staff or colleagues are the alleged perpetrators.

Stories of consensual indiscretions constantly circulate. Even before the Joyce affair broke, Turnbull thought it prudent to counsel another member of his ministry (still serving) on the likely impact on his career if the details of a late-night incident in a Canberra bar became public. The advice was not taken in the spirit it was intended. The minister resented the intrusion into what he regarded as a private matter, leading those who knew about it to ponder what part it played, if only subconsciously, in last year’s leadership confrontations. But that’s another chapter.

Joyce paid a heavy price for his infidelity, and must look with envy to the US, where Donald Trump escaped punishment despite despicable behaviour on so many fronts, then to the UK, where Boris Johnson appears not to have suffered at all (yet) because of eccentric, erratic or outrageous behaviour in and out of office.

It can’t just be because the UK and the US have had more than their fair share of sex scandals, leaving American and British voters to believe all their politicians are up to their doodles (a term appropriated by me from Senator James McGrath, coincidentally a friend to Boris) in it, so use other yardsticks to judge their leaders. Maybe it’s a reflection of the even more dire choices and circumstances they face that they will adopt any alley cat.

Or maybe Australians have better BS detectors and, despite the shenanigans of the past 10 years, they still expect at least a veneer of decorum.

Despite Joyce retaining his seat of New England handsomely, his many attempts at rehabilitation have backfired.

On Monday morning, News Corp journalist Renee Viellaris reported Joyce was so skint he had to kill his own sheep to eat meat, turn off the heating at night, and regarded a cup of coffee as a treat. Joyce complained he was spread thin trying to support two families, despite receiving close to $300,000 a year (more than $800 a day), so could empathise with those on Newstart getting roughly $40 a day, most of them without the luxury of butchering livestock to feed the family.

Joyce was trying to show he cared, ramping up his campaign to increase payments to the unemployed. Good on him for that.

But harking back to his messy personal life to show he understood the pressures on poor people was inept. No one will feel sorry for well-paid politicians complaining about their costly life choices. He made himself the story, and not in a good way, particularly as it highlighted how out of touch he had been before. Only when he found himself in straitened circumstances could he see how others were suffering.

Joyce accepts responsibility for his circumstances. As he should. As I recount in Plots and Prayers, he received plenty of warnings from family, friends, staff and colleagues about how it would all end. They tried so hard to save him from himself. Like so many others in his predicament, he ignored them all.

The most famous example of an Australian politician succeeding despite major character flaws was Bob Hawke; however, for most leaders, stable, loving families are indispensable.

For many Liberals, it was brought home on Friday night at John Howard’s 80th birthday party, which brought together all past and serving Liberal prime ministers — Tony Abbott, Turnbull and Morrison.

But the speeches of Howard’s three children, Melanie, Richard and Timothy, were declared the highlights of the celebration. Richard said he had boned up for his speech by listening to an audio version of Howard’s memoir, Lazarus Rising. Falling asleep to his father’s voice brought back fond childhood memories. They recounted happy family dinners and holidays, thanked their parents for always being there when they needed them, and recalled the only music they could remember playing at home was the stirring lead-in to the ABC news — all funny, respectful, affectionate, and grateful.

Howard’s speech also reminded everyone of the three most important things in his life and the reasons behind his success: his love of family, his love of country and his love of the Liberal Party.