Election-mode Albo waters down the ‘warrior of the left’

Labor leader Anthony Albanese. Picture: Picture Glenn Hampson

Exactly 10 years and 14 days ago, an emotional Anthony Albanese — then a minister in the Gillard government — uttered what would become his trademark slogan. “I like fighting Tories,” said the so-called ‘Warrior of the Left’.

“That’s what I do,” he said. “That’s what I do.”

Now Opposition Leader and on the cusp of an election, he has (apparently) transformed, telling a Sydney audience yesterday “We must discover the spirit of consensus”. Not only that, he wants “to put the climate and culture wars behind us”.

And if he if were to win the election, he added, he would model himself on former prime ministers Bob Hawke and Paul Keating.

It is a brave move, especially given voters are wary of the social upheavalist who professes at the last moment to have conservative leanings. Many of us still wince at the memory of former prime minister Kevin Rudd, who as Opposition Leader claimed in 2007 to be a “fiscal conservative,” only to prove himself a feckless squanderer.

But yesterday Albanese went a step further in quoting with approval another party leader. “A former Liberal prime minister once said that in the race for economic reform you would never reach the finish line because it was always advancing,” he said. “I didn’t always agree with him,” he added, having an each-way bet.

Presumably in this half-hour address, time was an issue given Albanese did not utter the name “John Howard”. Nonetheless, Albanese wants to be identified with his legacy.

Now compare those sentiments with a parliamentary speech Albanese gave in April 1998, the Howard government having been in office for two years. “Here is a man who lived at home until he was 32,” Albanese sneered. “You have to go back to Billy McMahon to find a Prime Minister who even approaches this one for petulance, pettiness and sheer grinding inadequacy.”

Howard was, Albanese claimed, the “whingey kid in his sandpit”. His was but a “nervous, jerky, whiny apparition”. He even found fault with the prime minister’s physical features, saying his “chin and top lip” were “jutting out in full duck mode”.

“We hear the hatred and resentment in his voice,” Albanese said, oblivious to the irony.

“A man who is so instinctively petty and so bitterly obsessed,” who possessed “a smallness of mind, a meanness with breathtaking scope”.

He was “yesterday’s man, a weak man, a little man, a man without courage and a man without vision”. Australians, he claimed, “do not deserve the kind of leader that used to dob on them in the schoolyard”.

It was, even by parliamentary standards, a grubby outburst.

Now its author implies he is inspired by Howard. If asked, he would distance himself from his previous remarks by saying they were made 24 years ago.

The same cannot be said of his “I like fighting Tories” slogan. Nor is Albanese’s claim to eschew culture wars convincing. If anything, it reeks of political expediency.

You like telling stories, Albo. It’s what you do.

Julian Burnside’s first-world (Adelaide) problem

Autumn is a beautiful time of year in the City of Churches. For noted human rights advocate, barrister, author, and commentator Julian Burnside AO QC, the Adelaide Writers Week was supposed to be an opportunity to invigorate his soul and relax in the company of like-minded writers, poets, and philosophers. Sadly, it was not meant to be.

Having no doubt lamented with his fellow sophisticates that so many Australians do not share his sense of compassion and tolerance, Burnside last Sunday planned on dining at one of Adelaide’s finest restaurants. But then tragedy struck.

“We were booked for dinner tonight at Shobosho in Adelaide,” an outraged Burnside tweeted that afternoon, “and I just got a message canceling (sic) our reservation. I’ll never book there again”.

The enormity of this setback cannot be stressed enough. That’s not to downplay what is happening in Ukraine or the plight of residents in flood-ravaged New South Wales but we are talking about an establishment snubbing a National Living Treasure and former Greens candidate.

All the great man and owner of a $20m property portfolio wanted to do was enjoy Shobosho’s signature flame-cooked delights while he pondered what we plebs should be doing to reduce our CO2 emissions.

Julain Burnside's now-deleted tweet. Source: Twitter

Even the mere contemplation of Burnside having to look for another up-market restaurant at short notice – or worse still being forced to eat at a local greasy spoon – was enough to make me burst into tears.

Disappointingly, many on social media instead lampooned him. Believing erroneously that this was a case of ‘Don’t you know who I am,’ they failed to realise in their ignorance there was a noble motive for this tweet. Burnside was simply empathising with the asylum-seekers he represents by letting them know he too has his tribulations.

Such a great restaurant and one that has just soared further in my estimation

— David Penberthy (@penbo) March 6, 2022

Thoughts and prayers.

— Laura Jayes (@ljayes) March 6, 2022

As to why the restaurant cancelled his reservation, my first thought was that the online booking system had malfunctioned, possibly due to Burnside’s long list of post-nominals overloading the system. Whatever the case, it was a gross breach of etiquette to send a cancellation via text message.

No, for a man of his standing, it would warrant a delegation being sent to his hotel, or at the very least commissioning a skywriter to apologise on behalf of the restaurant and Greater Adelaide. Surely the wordsmiths converging on Adelaide could pen a moving piece on this calamity – ‘The Suffering of Julian’, perhaps?

But it turned out Shobosho had done nothing wrong.

As a spokesperson advised, the restaurant, like all in the hospitality industry, is trading at only 75 per cent capacity due to Covid restrictions, hence it values every booking it gets. “Unfortunately, there was a mechanical issue with our kitchen exhaust fan on Sunday afternoon,” she explained.

“As a restaurant that cooks over fire, this was a serious safety hazard. At 3.00pm, the decision was made that it would be unsafe to trade until this safety issue was resolved.”

I got a very nice call from Shobosho this morning : the reason for yesterday’s cancellation was a technical problem concerning ventilation at the restaurant

— Julian Burnside (@JulianBurnside) March 7, 2022

What’s more, the restaurant manager had attempted to contact all patrons by phone to explain the reason for the cancellation, a process that took one and a half hours.

Those that could not be personally reached were sent a detailed text message, the last one being sent at 4.35pm on the day in question. “We would never want to endanger our staff or our guests,” the spokesperson said. “We stand by our process for responding to this safety issue”.

Precisely. Someone needs to explain to the eminent barrister the obligations that businesses have under workplace health and safety legislation.

And while they are it, they could also teach him about the tort of negligence, something which has immeasurably enriched members of the legal profession.

But being a prince of a man, Burnside has now deleted the tweet in question and acknowledged the reason for the cancellation, following “a very nice call” from the restaurant. Tellingly, he did not apologise for having used his platform, which has around 180K followers, to shame the business without cause.

If I were Shobosho’s manager, I too would have had a follow-up conversation with this disgruntled patron.

“Terribly sorry about that kerfuffle, Mr Burnside,” I would say. “We’d be honoured if your esteemed self dined at our establishment, and we’ll ensure you have the finest table. How does 7.00pm March 11, 2056 suit you? What’s that? No, you heard correctly, now hoo roo you pompous git.”