Smash-up derby of a Test wicket

Cricket fans have been denied the sacred ritual of a hard-fought Boxing Day Test. Instead, for the second time in this Ashes series, they got a two-day, low-scoring slugfest in a style that is to Test cricket what a smash-up derby is to Formula One racing.

It was not the intemperance of Bazball or the boozy high jinks of the tourists on vacation that stole the show. It was an overly fast pitch in Melbourne that left even the groundskeeper scratching his head. Blaming the Melbourne weather will get you only so far. Although it is correct to say that both sides had to deal with the same on-field conditions, it was not an even contest between bat and ball as a Test wicket should deliver.

The speedy result has had real-world consequences beyond the game itself. Not least was the loss of millions of dollars in gate takings and broadcast opportunities, and the inconvenience for travelling fans.

Both sides maintained the cricketing spirit. Australian captain Steve Smith did not declare the wicket unplayable and, having already lost the series, a relieved British captain, Ben Stokes, was happy to take a win no matter what. If there was a silver lining it was that the Barmy Army was given just enough juice to make the long haul Down Under worthwhile. But a poor pitch cost Australian fans the chance of three additional days of post-Christmas opportunity to rub it in to a lesser side.