Greta Thunberg’s poverty tourism has come to a halt. Channelling Pauline Hanson, the Swedish activist released footage on social media of the “If you see this video …” type.
“My name is Greta Thunberg and I am from Sweden. If you see this video, we have been intercepted and kidnapped in international waters by the Israeli occupational [sic] forces, or forces that support Israel.
The Freedom Flotilla Coalition is, as far as we can tell, an armada of one boat that would look more at home sailing the Whitsundays. Besides the human flotsam on board, SS Madleen’s cargo contains “a symbolic amount of baby formula and rice.” Presuming Gazans are even aware of this piece of hollow theatre that has unfolded in the Mediterranean, they cannot be nourished by analogies or metaphors.
Apparently, tired of saving the entire planet, Thunberg has determined to save little bits of it, one umlaut at a time. First Gaza and with that solved by her mere presence, it’s off to traverse the 38th parallel in a gyrocopter, flinging out “Greta is Great” mousepads to confused North Koreans before she gives Kim Jong-un a piece of her mind. Then, the big one. A trip to Moscow by canoe to stare down Vladimir Putin who will be shamed into capitulating in Ukraine.
What’s next? Well, it’s only a matter of time before the Swedish activist underliqt (it’s Swedish for wunderkind) fixes the Liberal Party. Hooray!
This is a rescue mission which U2’s Bono would consider fruity. Thunberg is accompanied by 11 other activists, including Rima Hassan, a French Palestinian member of the European parliament so you know she’s got plenty of time on her hands. Also on board the good ship Madleen was Brazilian Thiago Avila who described his attendance at the funeral of Hezbollah leader Hassan Nasrallah in Lebanon as “a great honour”. In the throes of grief, Avila referred to the terrorist leader as a “martyred saint and beloved leader who inspired people across the globe, and a historic figure in the anti-colonial struggle”.
French journalist with Al-Jazeera, Omar Faiad had dibs on the top bunk amidships. Less than a week after Hamas conducted the October 7 massacre, Faiad likened IDF soldiers to Nazis, writing on social media that “Israel is carrying out a new Holocaust in Gaza.”
The term anti-Semitic is sometimes hurled about with abandon these days but in respect of the crew of Madleen, it would be difficult to find a group so profoundly prejudiced against Jewish people outside of commissioned officers of the Waffen-SS. Thunberg is the rock star on this flotilla of one, ensuring the world’s media’s glare is upon her rather than the humanitarian disaster unfolding in Gaza.
In a world starved for entertainment, Greta Cares is the television show that simply must be made. Part travelogue, part foot in the door journalism, Thunberg would travel the globe to confront the world’s leaders to wag an index finger directly in their alarmed faces and mercilessly upbraid them.
Watch Greta make Equatorial Guinea’s murderous President Teodoro Obiang burst into tears and pay all the money back he stole under the sheer force of a Thunberg raised eyebrow. See Greta frogmarch the vicious Eritrean President Isaias Afewerki mumbling apologies as he is led to the doors of the ICJ in The Hague. Come to see Greta’s stern lecture of a lachrymose Myanmar acting chief wallah, Min Aung Hiaing. Stay for Xi Jinping’s blubbering, head-bowed acknowledgment that communism was a joke that got out of hand.
Gen Z, that most awkward of demographics to appeal to, would tune in in their millions.
Greta could also urge Hamas to down their weapons, saving more than a few Palestinian lives right there in Gaza but let’s not get too carried away. We could watch our Swedish hero do many things that would be overtly good but she prefers not to. Her perceived enemies are almost exclusively in the West, Israel obviously included. Other than that, her real enemies are coal miners. If only Israel had coal mines, she could get something of a two-for-one activist deal going. If only she could find an Israeli coal miner, he’d be in for a frowning he’d never forget.
Narcissism is infecting the planet. Are there any more narcissists about there than there used to be? Hard to say. The difference now is chronic narcissists like Greta Thunberg have platforms to vainly say, “look at me” where not so long ago, they were only a nuisance to their families at dinner time.
Social media is to blame, of course. Greta has millions of followers across social media who, in something of a chicken and egg dilemma, require her to perform acts of protest on a regular basis or they will tire of her and look elsewhere for inspiration. She’s on the activist treadmill. It’s either hopping aboard the good ship Madleen for some performative anti-Semitism or irrelevance. Not to mention an even more unwelcome outcome, a return to the classroom with bullies sitting up the back, and the desultory prospect of having to learn fractions.
For now she is in custody in Israel where she will be briefly detained before being deported with her 11 mates. For the firebrand Greta, the only consequence is one of mild inconvenience. The Madleen is being towed into an Israeli port as we speak. The pittance of humanitarian aid on the boat will be distributed in Gaza. It is doubtful even one life will be saved by her addle-headed sail into celebrity.
Greta Thunberg’s sail from Sicily to nowhere was never about better outcomes for Gazans. It was merely the shameless pursuit of celebrity, designed to prove her Western enemies – on this occasion Israelis were seen as the bad guys. Those that see her as a genuine hero should ponder if shifting the spotlight from Gaza to some point on the high seas has provided any benefit at all to Gazans. The currency of performative activism is not about ending injustice or saving lives, it has more to do with clickbait, more likes and more follows.
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