Society losing its religion

GATHER around, my brethren, for I have a tale to tell that will shock your mortal souls.

Perkins

GATHER around, my brethren, for I have a tale to tell that will shock your mortal souls.

I have been visited by a terrifying demographic demon - who goes by the name of Bernard - who revealed to me the full extent of this nation's godlessness.

The demon said that at Federation 99 per cent of the Australian population believed in a god of some sort: Catholic, Anglican, Buddhist. And rightly so, for this nation was founded on god-fearing principles. Yet within a century there was a big shift.

At the 2001 census more than 20 per cent of the nation stated they did not believe in any god: atheism as a belief system had taken root. Indeed, it is further evident that the unholy trend towards godlessness is accelerating and especially among generation Y. Between the 1981 and 2006 censuses the proportion of 20-somethings who said they believed in a god fell by three percentage points.

Make no mistake, the institution of God is losing market share. On the other hand, it is also clear that during recent decades the Devil has had a cracker of a time. And you can see why.

I think it comes down to the Devil's slicker marketing (indulgence sells better than abstinence) and a product that is fundamentally more appealing. I mean, there you are on a Sunday morning: you can lounge about and read the papers or you can get up, go to church and sing hymns. What is generation Y going to do? And I say generation Y because older generations are as devout as ever.

Statistically, the most fervent believers on the Australian continent are the 90-somethings.

It just goes to show that the closer you get to God, the closer you get to God. And it sort of makes sense. If there's a good chance that you may bump into God sometime soon then you'll want to hedge your bets by believing and possibly also by repenting.

It's not going to sound good saying to God that you didn't think she existed. Well, she does; you're dead; and now you are damned to the fires of hell for eternity. Not the sort of option that you really want to mess around with in your 90s. You can understand the thinking of the older cohorts, but why are today's 20-somethings so much less likely to believe in a god than previous generations?

Perhaps it has to do with the times. Today's generation Ys grew to adulthood in an era of unparalleled prosperity. Why would they believe in a hereafter when the here and now is so damned good?

Out with religiosity; in with hedonism, consumerism, me-ism. Clearly what generation Y needs is a jolly good recession or a war, or both, so that they begin to think that the next life must be better than this life.

But the advice of the terrifying demographic demon did not end there. No, he went on. And on. He said that at the 2006 census there were 15,000 religious ministers of all denominations in Australia and that 60 per cent were then aged 50 and older. Brethren, this is a train wreck waiting to happen.

During the coming decade perhaps half the clerical (and I don't mean office workers) workforce will retire, leaving the nation with a deficit of spiritual advisers.

And all of this in a decade when the baby boomers are careening towards that time of life when they begin to think about the hereafter.

Perhaps this nation needs to expand the list of skills required of potential immigrants: after all, the ageing process is delivering a rising need for religious ministers.

And if religious ministers won't migrate of their own accord, then perhaps we could dragoon them with an imaginative program known as Vicar Nicking for Australia.

Bernard Salt is a KPMG Partner.

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