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Spoilt-for-choice women on the hunt for a trophy husband

LATE last month I was a panellist in a conference session titled a New Era of Work, which explored work habits.

Suits
Suits
TheAustralian

LATE last month I participated in the Sustaining Women in Business conference in Melbourne. I was a panellist in a session titled a New Era of Work, which explored work habits.

My co-panellist for the session was Canadian author Avivah Wittenburg-Cox author of How Women Mean Business. I talked about how technology has changed the way we work; Ms Wittenburg-Cox made the point that young women were now more likely than young men to hold a university degree.

But rather than explore why tertiary education might be failing our young men, Ms Wittenburg-Cox expressed concern for her daughter: "Who is she going to marry?"

Clearly from this question Ms Wittenburg-Cox expects her daughter to select a partner from a modest and possibly shrinking pool of tertiary-educated men.

She raised the thorny issue of "partnering up" versus "partnering down". What could I do but defend the partnering prospects of the male gender by registering my protest.

"But isn't love blind?" I implored. "If someone is a good bloke who cares deeply for your daughter, then what does it matter how smart he is?"

It is fair to say that the room of perhaps 300 women immediately erupted.

My impression was that the room divided more or less equally: some agreed with me -- love is blind -- whereas others seemed to adopt a, shall we say, more pragmatic approach.

At this point it is worth recounting some demographic facts. Despite four decades of feminism, women still, on average, choose to marry an older man. In 2009, the age difference was 23 months.

If love and marriage are truly random selections, then women would be equally predisposed to choosing a partner who was older or younger.

On this basis it can be concluded that women still marry up. Older men are more likely to be better established in their careers and therefore would be more mature and better providers.

But there are other issues. There are simply more men than women in Australia throughout childhood, puberty and into the twentysomething hooking-up decade.

This oversupply of men enables women, in fact encourages women, to select the best available from of whatever's on offer.

By dint of the laws of demand and supply of potential partners, women have at least the opportunity, if not a downright proclivity, to partner up. At least that's the theory.

But why the oversupply of men in the first place? The wiliest feminist of them all, Mother Nature, makes sure that her gender is well catered for by over-supplying boys at birth. Last year there were 147,000 girls and 154,000 boys born in Australia: that's 7000, or 5 per cent, more boys than girls. What on earth is Mother Nature up to?

But this oversupply of boys is not unique to this year or Australia. It applies in all cultures and throughout history. There are always more boys than girls.

There are two schools of thought on this subject. Males have a higher mortality rate in youth: they are greater risk-takers (perhaps through hunting mammoths over a million years). So, in order to deliver an equal number of boys and girls at reproduction age, Mother Nature has devised a cunning plan: she oversupplies boys at birth by a few per cent.

That way there's bound to be enough men left alive at reproduction age to regenerate the human race. Brilliant, Mother Nature, brilliant.

The other theory is that an oversupply of males means men must compete with each other to sell their genes to women.

Here is the natural selection process in all its brutal glory: short, stupid, lazy and quite possibly ugly men are slowly but surely being bred out of existence by women marrying up.

Again, that's the theory, but surely we have moved beyond those caveman times, ladies. This is the 21st century. Don't these beastly beta blokes deserve a chance at love too? . Will these dim-witted loveless lads ever have a chance of finding love or even a fling?

Apparently not, if the likes of Ms Wittenburg-Cox and her supporters get their way. Only tall, smart alpha men need apply for their affection.

Grrr, ladies, he's a tiger, but, more importantly, he's got a double degree.

But here's the problem. As women increasingly gain access to tertiary education their inbuilt potential partner filter excludes more and more men.

Ms Wittenburg-Cox's concern for her daughter's prospects is justified because there are not enough smart men to partner smart (or at least university educated) women.

The solution is for women to reinterpret partnering up to include men who may be self-employed and self-confident, who are caring and connected and who are aligned with their partners in values and thinking.

These men may meet other stringent potential partner criteria but not actually hold a university degree.

But there again I have yet another theory. If there is a shrinking pool of university-educated alpha men, snaring one of these rare and exotic creatures might be regarded as the ultimate symbol of corporate success for an alpha woman.

If such a man-in-demand commits to her, in the process forsaking all others, does this not reflect positively on the alpha female? Indeed, with the continued success of women in the workforce, might we see the rise of the trophy husband?

Here is a man who is university educated, sporty (code for athletic body), tall, cooks, supports his partner's career, looks after the children, is sociable, witty and charming, doesn't smoke or drink to excess, speaks a second language, plays a musical instrument, volunteers at a local homeless shelter and loves nothing better than going for long romantic walks on deserted beaches.

Oh dear, I can see half the room at the Sustainable Women in Business conference, including Ms Wittenburg-Cox, swooning at the very thought of the educated but the oh-so-elusive trophy husband. Sigh.

KPMG partner Bernard Salt's new book is The Big Tilt

bsalt@kpmg.com.au 

Original URL: https://www.theaustralian.com.au/business/opinion/bernard-salt-demographer/spoiltforchoice-women-on-the-hunt-for-a-trophy-husband/news-story/82f759f940856c25bc6624625e2d2d80