Today Show reboot: forget new panel, what about the tennis?

Nine’s heavily publicised all-woman Today show panel took a back seat as the Australian Open promotional machine hit overdrive.

The Today Show hosts at the 2019 Australian Open Live site. Picture: Alex Coppel

So, 5.30am on Monday 14 January in the year 2019, who wasn’t up to watch history being made?

I speak, of course, of the all-woman panel, on the Today Show!

Two chicks, in charge, for the first time ever!

It was groundbreaking, it was history-making, it was like a gender moon landing … except maybe a bit meh?

Because look, OK, I’m a newspaper reporter, what would I know, but to me, it looked very much like they — Nine — failed at the first hurdle.

Because again, not to quibble, but if you’ve gone to all that trouble — sacking Karl on his honeymoon; hiring a woman to replace him, trumpeting the whole first-ever all-woman TV breakfast show panel thing — wouldn’t you, like, actually open with the all-woman panel?

Me, I would have.

But instead, look, the curtain’s coming up, and there’s the new look show, and it’s not two women, it’s a panel with five people on it, two of whom are men, so that’s pretty much gender neutral, plus they’re all crammed together, and they’re all dressed the same (soothing shades of blue and white), so the women — Georgie Gardner, and her new co-host, Deb Knight — don’t even stand out.

Why would they do that?

Who even knows.

But on with the show.

Welcome to Melbourne, and welcome to our new look #9Today show! pic.twitter.com/GlYnPAbMDr

— The Today Show (@TheTodayShow) January 13, 2019

Georgie spoke first, saying hello, and look at me, not having to sit here, barely tolerating Karl anymore.

No, she didn’t say that.

She said hello, and welcome to the tennis.

Because Nine this year, it doesn’t have cricket. It has the Australian Open tennis, and it’s the tennis, not the history making all-women nonsense, that really has Nine’s interest.

Hopefully also yours, but you can take this as a given: everything at Nine is riding on the tennis.

So, hello, and welcome to the tennis, and welcome also Deb, who is making her debut today on this panel, which maybe you were expecting to be all-female.

It wasn’t, because there were two blokes there.

Deb said hello, and then came some jokes about how the two women were now “partners in crime” and how everyone felt like it was the first day of school, which was ridiculous.

Georgie and Deb aren’t newbies.

They’re old, safe hands, hugely experienced, and well-known to audiences.

Radical?

This is an extremely safe move.

New co-hosts Deb Knight and Georgie Gardner. Picture: Alex Coppel

But on with the show. It’s time for the news.

The first story was about the weather.

It’s going to be hot in Melbourne, which is hosting the tennis, which Nine now has.

Next came a story about teenagers taking pills at musical festivals; then some fluff about Margot Robbie’s “amazing transformation” (wig and make-up) in her new biopic, which has an “all-star cast” including Taylor Swift’s boyfriend (I did not catch his name).

Then came a story about freeway signs being taken down in Melbourne, because they’re falling on cars.

Then Donald Trump’s five — five! — meetings with Putin.

Then a story about a pint-sized tennis prodigy!

Because Nine has the tennis.

I left the couch at this point to go to an early morning exercise class, which maybe sounds like a dereliction of journalistic duty but honestly?

The show was still going when I got back, and nothing had changed.

They were still talking about the tennis, and also the weather.

There’s a heatwave in Melbourne.

That’s going to be tough on the players. At the tennis.

Next came an interview with the Prime Minister, Scott Morrison, who said he was concerned about the permissive drug culture at music festivals; that all options must be considered; that they’ve got to get the balance right; because there are no simple answers.

ScoMo’s appearance gave Deb the opportunity to ask him about the Liberal Party’s problem with women.

“If you lose your kids, gosh that’s just unthinkable.” @ScottMorrisonMP on the pill testing debate. #9Today pic.twitter.com/ThjfVRPLd3

— The Today Show (@TheTodayShow) January 13, 2019

“We are starting with two female hosts here today,’ she said, ‘what are you doing about getting more women into the ranks?”

Going by ScoMo’s answer — he rattled on about the pay gap, and workforce participation — not that much.

But never mind, because the next question was about “sneaker gate” (somebody in the PM’s office apparently photoshopped new shoes onto ScoMo’s feet because his own shoes were so battered, and the picture went viral.)

Did the Prime Minister need the Today Show team to send him a brand new pair of sneakers … from, say, the tennis?!

Because, in case you don’t know, Nine this year has the tennis.

ScoMo said no.

Then it was back to the news, or rather, to pictures from the Australian Open red carpet (not to quibble, but the carpet was green) plus a brief interview with the NSW premier, who said her heart was “literally’ torn to shreds about another pill death (it could not have been, but let’s not be pedantic).

Then came Lleyton Hewitt, who once played tennis, and will this year commentate not on Seven, which used to have the tennis, but on Nine, which has it now.

We caught up with the legendary @lleytonhewitt at the 2019 @AustralianOpen! #9Today pic.twitter.com/MviKFaNP3a

— The Today Show (@TheTodayShow) January 13, 2019

More checks of the weather (it’s going to be hot).

And then, look, here’s some people dressed as tennis balls, and OK, we could go on all day, and for a while there, it looked like they might, and who can blame them?

Live sport — cricket, football, and in Nine’s case, tennis — is the only thing anyone watches anymore, and therefore the only hope free-to-air has got, and they know it.

Four and a bit hours into the new, all-women breakfast show, you knew it, too.