The burning laments of Fortescue staff laid bare for execs to see, and drink to

Fortescue asked, and boy did its executives receive.

The mining group led by Andrew Forrest has engaged in a cute little exercise with its workforce that it’s calling “Ask Us Anything”, in which employees can post anonymous questions to the leadership while even more employees — or even leaders themselves — can submit nameless replies. Well, actually, not all of them are nameless; the bland responses, the most banal and corporate, come with a name. But rest assured, this lark is completely consuming everyone at the organisation.

It’s Frank Costanza’s airing of grievances but on an enormous scale, a Festivus ritual open to more than 20,000 participants across the Forrest empire.

There’s snark, there’s banter. There’s outrage over a tampon and sanitary pad dispenser that’s gone missing from a bathroom.

There’s righteous indignation over women who can swish around the office in skirts during the summer while poor, suffering dudes have to wilt in their neckties and suit jackets.

“Biscuits….. We want biscuits in all kitchens…. Nothing better than a cuppa and a biccy,” said one employee, receiving 37 upvotes from their peers. Meanwhile, someone’s idea for a masala chai machine in the kitchenette received only four upvotes. Philistines.

Andrew Forrest, during the Fortescue AGM in Perth. We’re sure he doesn’t mind a biscuit, either.

What better window into a company’s culture?

Fortescue CEO Dino Otranto addressed the most pressing questions at a recent “team huddle”, although it’s hard to tell whether he took this all seriously. Otranto prefaced one response by saying, “this is probably the politically correct answer I need to give”, and then he told everyone that he likes to sit back and brace himself for the questions “with a nice bottle of scotch”.

No shade on knocking back a dram of whisky, which Dino can happily afford with his $1.75m salary (not including performance rights, themselves worth a few dinero) but what of the Fortescue underclass? They’re getting punted because of Forrest’s failing green energy vision. Remember the secret membrane, or the magic beans of green hydrogen? So much heat, yet so little light. Pretty soon we’ll get an announcement of major advancements out of Fortescue HQ. Their newest secret weapon? Eye of newt.

Some 700 employees were let go in July, supposedly to lean up the business and not at all because of this flunking, expensive project that’s subsidised by the long-suffering shareholders of Fortescue’s actual rainmaking business: mining. “Most of us can’t afford a nice bottle of scotch,” one staffer said.

Fortescue CEO Dino Otranto conceded the employee questions needed scotch as a primer

Otranto’s “huddle” mustn’t have gone down a treat, which explains why Chief Operating Officer Shelley Robertson, poached from the dum-dums at MinRes, fronted the second town hall instead to answer questions, one of which concerned Fortescue’s very cluttered organisational chart.

“Can someone explain the org structure? We have CEOs reporting to CEOs, Directors to Directors, and varying titles, despite being told it would be ‘flattened’.” Now who might have asked that except for someone clearly trying to Marie Kondo the place? Looking at you, Otranto.

Fortescue's Shelley Robertson answering the pressing questions from Fortescue staff.

Some insight, as well, into the workforce hardships that have followed the screw-tightening of July.

“Why is the budget so tight at the minute? Are we expected to deliver world class service on a shoestring budget? Recruitment restrictions are leaving departments short and the people picking up the slack are getting burned out,” said one aggrieved Fortescue worker.

Another sarcastically wrote: “Is there an opportunity in the future to expand on the CEO for a day initiative and participate if you are not a First Nations employee?”

And then this from a person who clearly hasn’t kept an eye on iron ore prices: “Instead of a Christmas party, can you give each department $150 per person to hold their own team party?” A popular idea with 211 upvotes, but hopelessly unrealistic, to be sure. Reminder: it’s Fortescue, people, not Hancock. Don’t hold your breath for a cash giveaway.

A spokeswoman said the whole point of the exercise was to promote transparent communication within the organisation.

“This is just one avenue we are using to ensure our staff can continue to engage and interact with the leadership team, getting answers to the topics that matter the most to our people,” which apparently doesn’t go much higher than biscuits and air conditioning.