Brownlow medallist’s Greta Thunberg moment at AFL function

A baby-faced Fyfe tackles the PM in front of AFL crowd of political, corporate heavyweights.

Browlow Medallist Nat Fyfe, on stage with Seven sports commentator Hamish McLachlan, entertained guests at the 2019 AFL Grand Final function in the Olympic Room at the MCG. Picture: Getty

Call it the AFL’s Greta Thunberg moment.

Less a week after the teenage Swede gave her now famous “How Dare You” speech to the United Nations, another baby-faced assassin had a crack on Saturday in front of a room packed to the rafters with political and corporate heavyweights.

The Olympic Room at the Melbourne Cricket Ground was the place to be for Australia’s true elite on the weekend, attracting an all-star cast of federal and state leaders, billionaires, media identities and sporting legends.

Things were just warming up an hour or so before Richmond would go on to tear the heart out of Tony Shepherd’s GWS Giants with a whopping 89-point thrashing and the mint julep jugs were flowing when Brownlow Medallist Nat Fyfe stepped on stage to entertain the 550 assembled in the room.

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Sporting an orange tie for Shep’s Giants, Prime Minister Scott Morrison was the star attraction on a heaving main table, sitting between AFL president and Qantas chairman Richard Goyder on the side and Seven scion Ryan Stokes on the other.

Interviewed by media star Hamish McLachlan — fast becoming more omnipresent in AFL circles than his less famous brother Gillon (the AFL chief executive, who brilliantly tagged billionaire Seven boss Kerry Stokes almost the entire day) — Fyfe mostly served up the usual patter about the upcoming match and other football matters.

Before somehow the topic moved on to the assembled names in the room, at which time Fyfe singled out PM ScoMo and suggested he take “a more aggressive approach to renewable energy”.

We can only wonder what Woodside, the major sponsor of Fyfe’s team Fremantle (of which Goyder is a chairman) and the country’s largest oil and gas company, made of it all.

Once the nervous laughter in the room dissipated, it was back on the festivities and the intrigue of just exactly who managed to snare a spot at the elongated main table in the room.

Not surprisingly, sponsors, broadcasters and political leaders led the way, though prime position went to Victorian governor Linda Dessau and her QC husband Tony Howard, and Governor-general David Hurley and wife Linda.

NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian also sat on Gillon McLachlan’s side of the table and while it ended as an unhappy day for the GWS backer she did pose for selfies and photos with Kerry Stokes just before the opening bounce.

Virgin Australia boss Paul Scurrah, also a Gold Coast Suns director, snared a spot at the main table, as did Foxtel boss Patrick Delany and Toyota president Matthew Callachor. GWS president Shepherd was at one end, sitting alongside Telstra boss Andy Penn and Richmond president was at the other, intriguingly next to leadership guru Ben Crowe — best known for helping tennis star (and Tigers tragic) Ashleigh Barty achieve the world number one ranking, and apparently assisting Richmond as well.

Still smarting from attending his beloved South Sydney’s loss to the Canberra Raiders in an NRL preliminary final the night before, Opposition Leader Anthony Albanese kept the streak going by also donning an orange tie for GWS.

Albo sat next to AFL commissioner Kim Williams at an adjacent table to the main one, while Treasurer and Carlton tragic Josh Frydenberg was at a similar table on the other side of the room with Maryland governor Larry Hogan, in Australia on a trade and infrastructure — and clearly football — mission.

Sitting at the same table as Seven identity and Port Adelaide president David Koch was Giants fan and foreign affairs minister Marise Payne, who was spied singing along to John Williamson’s live rendition of “Hey True Blue”. She was of course sitting with another Giants fan in partner and NSW minister Stuart Ayres, who made it despite famously knocking off for a smoko and not telling Premier Berejiklian he’d be back later on when ducking out of state Parliament last week to attend a Giants function.

Billionaire Paul Little, a former Essendon president, sat with his ex-investment banker wife Jane Hansen — proudly sporting a Richmond scarf — and Caledonia executive chairman and Richmond fan Mark Nelson was also a quiet presence.

Media mogul Antony Catalano — who having just had his 9th child is halfway to fielding his own AFL side — was one of the best known people in the room, and David “2-2 draw” Gallop, the soon to be former-CEO of Football Federation Australia was seen lamenting the always interesting times in soccer with predecessor and now North Melbourne president Ben Buckley.

Seven commercial director Bruce McWilliam was also there, working the Olympic Room expertly while also receiving several compliments about the portrait of his that should have been an Archibald Prize finalist earlier this year.

Another enthusiastic presence was South Australian premier Steven Marshall, who uttered “who else is going to promote South Australia?” to numerous people. Herald and Weekly Times chair Penny Fowler was also there, as was A2 Milk boss and Tennis Australia president Jayne Hrdlicka.

The hardest worker in the room though was AFL head of government relations Jude “bipartisan” Donnelly, who manages to be both a noted Liberal Party sympathiser and socialist Marxist, and also organised the seating arrangements — truly the most important role on the day.

As for the match, in truth it was a stinker for neutrals, and perhaps Richmond’s surge caused the Prime Minister and Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews (who also made the main table) to be spotted deep in conversation for much of the third quarter. Infrastructure funding or maybe US President Donald Trump visiting Melbourne in December for the President’s Cup? We bet Andrews, a noted golf nut, would love that.

Unfortunately for the Stokes family, the first goal took 20 minutes to be kicked — by GWS star forward Jeremy Cameron, marking the last moment Shepherd would enjoy the match — and left the first quarter mostly devoid of crucial ad breaks.

It may have been some consolation for new Seven CEO James Warburton that he was on Lord Howe Island celebrating his mother’s 80th birthday, a place where internet and TV access — like a Giants goal on Saturday — is not the easiest thing to find.