Premier Dan, Big Brother, and How to Get Away with Murder

Down here in Plague City we have just achieved liberation. I am battling my lockdown-induced pseudo agoraphobia, finding myself twitchy if still out after the old curfew, cringing at driving more than 5km from home.

I instinctively put on a mask whenever the phone rings.

My long lockdown has had its cultural ­rewards. One was listening to Victorian Premier Dan Andrews’s thousand-odd daily press conferences (I may have my maths out there). Like Winston Smith, I came to realise Big Brother had my best interests at heart.

At the same time as I went 120 days or whatever it was of daily Dan, I also binge-watched 70 episodes of Game of Thrones and a similar number of a TV series called How to Get Away with Murder (same thing really).

I found them all scrambling together a bit in the old noggin, not necessarily aiding lucidity. But I think they’re enriching.

In fact I want to thank each and every single Victorian for helping me achieve these binge-viewing milestones. It wasn’t my achievement, nor the achievement of my team, alone, but the achievement of all Victorians.

When you are a binge viewer you can’t watch just one series and think the task is finished. You weren’t able to go the pub, because the pub was shut. But that didn’t mean you could have all your mates around and get on the beers. Mind you, when I finished the whole series I was more inclined to go a bit higher on the shelf than beers.

As our state was proceeding through its collective binge viewing, we each knew someone who wasn’t following the rules, the series, as well as they should have.

But let me be clear. We can’t pretend this ­season of binge viewing is over. If we do, people will cry.

We are all in this together. We have to be driven by the science and the data. We can’t be pinballing in and out of one series and then another, in and out of binge viewing. If we don’t stick with Game of Thrones all the way through, we’ll find we’ll just have a few weeks out and about, and then we’ll be back binge watching again for weeks or months at a time.

I don’t want this TV binge watching to go on for a day longer than is absolutely necessary. But I am going to do what’s right, not what’s popular. I’m not interested in playing political games about whether Game of Thrones is better than How to Get Away with Murder. I’m not interested in the views of someone who is totally irrelevant to binge watching.

I know it’s not comfortable. I know it’s not convenient. But we are all in this together. It’s never been about doing what’s popular, it’s ­always been about doing what’s right. Every single Victorian who stayed the course with Game of Thrones has earned the right to move on to the easing represented by How to Get Away with Murder. We can’t let everything Victorians have sacrificed go to waste by moving too early.

I’m getting on, I’m getting things done. I’m not someone who runs away from my duties. But can I say how proud I am of all Victorians for staying the course through multi-series TV franchises.

There is talk of bringing back Blue Hills, which pioneered binge listening and got us through a previous episode of collective, hypnotic narcolepsy. I’m not going to engage in that kind of reckless speculation.

But can I just say how incredibly grateful ...