Messi and messy WAG drama: Football is having its TV moment

The Matildas may be once again captivating us as they prepare for the Olympics, and so too is football at large as the game and the stories off the pitch dominate streaming services.

Beckham, Messi, Rooney – are three names we traditionally associate with football and seeing lead the sports pages. Not anymore, they now belong with us couch potatoes — as they are the biggest names in streaming right now.

You cannot log on to an entertainment platform without being confronted with the kings (and queens) of the round ball. The women’s World Cup and our Matildas sparked something in our collective consciousness this year. Most of us are still on the bandwagon as they prepare to play before sold out crowds in Perth this weekend. For those unlucky sods who missed out on tickets, or do not live in the world’s most isolated city, thank the heavens for TV.

If you’re a Victoria Beckham type, and don’t like football (or soccer), which we learned in her husband’s recent documentary, Beckham, there’s still something for you with a new series that is sport … adjacent.

There are many universal experiences we share. Where were you when man landed on the moon? Where were you when you learned about 9/11? Where were you when you saw Coleen Rooney’s “It’s…….. Rebekah Vardy’s account” social media post?

Coleen Rooney and Wayne Rooney depart the Royal Courts of Justice last year. Photo – Karwai Tang/WireImage.

“I had just done the school drop and I was getting me lashes done in a friend’s garage and she just screamed ‘Look at this’ but I couldn’t open me eyes,” one of Rooney’s best friends Danielle says (with a straight face) in the new instalment of the Wagatha Christie series – a whodunit story that is lingering longer than a dodgy fake tan.

To recap, last year Rooney, who is the wife of former English football captain Wayne Rooney, accused her fellow “WAG” and the lesser famous Rebekah Vardy, a former participant of I’m A Celebrity UK, of leaking information from her private Instagram account to The Sun newspaper.

Rebekah Vardy lost her defamation case against Coleen Rooney. Photo – Dan Kitwood/Getty Images)

It ended up in London’s High Court after Vardy denied it and sued. That’s despite Rooney – already suspecting a snitch – hiding all her Insta posts from all her other followers but Vardy.

The night before “The Tweet” she posted one slogan on the account in question, almost like a warning shot: “Don’t play games with a girl who can play better.”

“Seen by 1” then became the basis for Rooney’s defence.

A judge dismissed the case, stating Vardy’s evidence was “evasive or implausible” and “manifestly inconsistent”.

Images and messages from Coleen Rooney's private Instagram account are among the documents.

Both Vardy and Rooney engaged two of the best legal minds in Britain, including one whom King Charles once had on retainer. These silks charged like wounded bulls by the hour to build cases around Instagram stories, WhatsApp messages, tabloid stories about a range of issues including Peter Andre’s lovemaking ability and the fact Vardy’s manager “accidentally” dropped her phone into the North Sea before she had a chance to extract evidence.

We’ve since had a dramatised version of the court case, starring Michael Sheen, and Vardy has given several interviews and continues to deny she ever was the culprit.

But the mother of four who kicked this all off has remained mum. Til now. Now we have Rooney’s version of events.

It’s not lost on Review that we’re getting close to the number of Wagatha Christie productions penned by its authorial namesake, but this one is worth it.

If you loved the wonderfully tacky, addictive ITV series from 2002 called Footballers Wives – you’ll love this. Forget the Orient Express, this is Murder in the Range Rover Defender. The sheer narcissism, new money and snide-asides in this three-parter are laugh-out-loud funny.

Coleen Rooney, it must be said, is a genius. In Cafe Nero Alderley Edge is where we lay our scene. The WAG – in her $200,000 SUV, which doubles as her “office” – drives us past the coffee shop (Britain’s version of Muffin Break) where she sent the tweet that was seen around the world. She is still regularly papped, something

Something Coleen has been courting and enduring since she was a 16-year-old schoolgirl dating the hottest talent in the Premier League. The Rooneys had their first kiss outside a church, Coleen then ditched year 12 to settle down with Wayne and the rest is history – splashed all over the tabloids.

The series hilariously has its own composer and score, an element that reaches its zenith when Coleen – who is restrained about her nemesis – says: “I always knew (Rebekah) liked attention” as an orchestral version of Toxic by Britney Spears plays.

Wayne also doesn’t escape the side-eye glare of this Coleen-endorsed spotlight. We learn Wayne’s mother-in-law loves him “but I don’t like him sometimes”, mainly when the reports of infidelity surface. It’s also revealed he “had the snip” after the pair’s fourth child was born, and during the defamation trial had dreams of pursuing a career in law.

Proud Liverpool locals Coleen and Wayne Rooney attend the Liverpool screening of her new doco. Photo – Anthony Devlin/Getty Images.

“Shut up, Wayne,” Coleen recounts of that specific pipe dream. However he did have some sage advice for his wife, who became “obsessed” with the Vardy issue and subsequent legal action. So consumed was she her father intervened saying she “looked sick” as this War of the Roses sequel raged on.

Says Wayne: “I said to Coleen: ‘Just delete it. Social media’s not something you necessarily need’. She said no, so …” He bears the sheepish smile of a man who realises, belatedly, he might have said something a bit silly. “And that’s the way she is and why I love her.”

Nice save, Roo. Speaking of charming (and hapless) footy players who marry well and misbehave, David Beckham isn’t just a materialistic man, he also likes spending his cash on other things, like fledging football clubs.

Messi Meets America is Ted Lasso with a bigger budget. The series follows today’s football God, Lionel Messi as he signed his $200 million annual contract with Inter Miami FC.

Messi is nothing like Becks and (the male) Rooney – the new age player is humble and after he scores his first goal in the US’s Major League Soccer he runs over to cuddle his family.

Argentine soccer star Lionel Messi hugs co-owner Inter Miami CF David Beckham as he’s presented as the newest player for Major League Soccer's Inter Miami CF back in July. Picture: AFP.

This series is not just a look at how the game’s hottest player settles into a club that finished on the bottom of the ladder, it’s also another insight into just how savvy and successful Beckham is and how galvanising sport can be, especially in these perilous times in which we are living.

Messi Meets America is streaming now on AppleTV

Coleen Rooney: The Real Wagatha Story is streaming now on Disney+