Let’s swap helicopter parenting for chore-led parenting

It takes courage to step back and ask, is it possible we can’t see the kids for the childcare? Are we preparing our children for life or just addressing our own anxieties?

Helicopter parenting is among the rearing practices experts have supported.

On the day I took the two-year old grandchild to a library reading, built sandcastles at the beach, hovered around playground equipment and shared a fruit salad (I had to eat the melon), the best fun we had was when I handed him a bucket and declared we were going to clean the inside of the car.

Sure, the carpet didn’t appreciate a scrub, the wet spot on the passenger seat took days to dry and my sunglasses never recovered but he was happy, I was happy with the clean windows and I’m only slightly nervous that what we did will incur the wrath of the childhood police … and I guess I’ll hear back about now.

It was only a few weeks later that I read a couple of articles that affirmed a chores approach to child rearing. One explained that kids didn’t need outings to theme parks and petting zoos because they can be just as stimulated by going to places adults enjoy.

The other posited that children benefit most from joining in with their parents’ activities rather than when parents join in with the kids’ activities. The last one coined the expression, “lighthouse parent” to describe how parents should be a reliable guide, providing safety and clarity without controlling a child’s journey.

Now no one is suggesting that kids join their dads down the mines but the new thinking on child-raising is turning away from the kid-centric approach to something that resembles how young were raised hundreds, even thousands of years ago. It’s less tiger mum, more mother duck.

It will be interesting to see whether this new approach resonates because the past few decades have seen so much effort put into the opposite approach.

Just consider the names that have been given to rearing practices – attachment parenting, helicopter parenting, child-led rearing, authoritative, progressive and lawn mowing (not to be confused with car washing caring).

All these styles have common themes. They are supported by experts, they lend themselves to scores of books, they involve a lot of time and, often money, they involve home crafts that would challenge an engineer and are held so dearly by parents that they become not just an ideology but an identity.

It’s easy to see how the child became the focus of the family. From the 1980s, mothers went back to work much earlier than previous generations and both parents often worked long hours so they tried to make up for lost time with their child/children by making time with them count. Ergo, flash cards, performance enhancing sports, educational activities, afternoons spent on sidelines, development programs, socialising meet-ups and daily lessons from Insta super mums. Child care with KPIs, if you like.

So it takes courage to step back and ask, is it possible we can’t see the kids for the childcare? Are we preparing our children for life or just addressing our own anxieties?

And can the helicopter mum morph into a lighthouse parent without losing all her Insta followers?

Well I’ve got a list of chores for the toddler and me that might inspire a new approach to the oldest job in the world. Sweeping, especially if lots of leaves are blowing. Vacuuming, preferably without a cord. The leaf blower is a cert. Doing the laundry, even if we fight over the start button. A trip to Bunnings should be more fun than an afternoon in the playground.

Gardening, that’s a no-brainer – dirt, water, bugs and flower heads for the bath. We might even coin a name for it. No, not Surrendered Parenting. Perhaps, parent-led play. Or just Chore Care.

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