Nervous about your teen at Leavers? Here’s how to start the conversation

People think I will be anti-alcohol with my kids, given I spend all day coaching and supporting people to quit drinking. But it’s not the case. I’m not anti-alcohol; I am pro sharing of facts around alcohol.

If my children are going to drink alcohol when they become adults, then I want to ensure they have a healthy relationship with it. And the best way to do this is through information and education.

I grew up in a house where alcohol was prevalent at every social occasion and appeared to be the only way to have fun as an adult. I saw alcohol used as a way to numb emotions, as “reward” for a heavy working week and as being just what you did every time you saw your friends. For me, it wasn’t a matter of if I would start drinking, it was a matter of when.

Sarah Rusbatch, pictured, wants to make sure her kids will never think “Mum can’t find out about this”. Credit: Composite image by Maria Ercegovac

So, here’s how I talk to my kids about alcohol…

I try not to preach (too much)

The risk of becoming white noise around our teenagers is real. Overload them with too much information and they will tune you out. Stick to relevant facts you know will land with them. Personally, I want my kids to delay drinking as long as possible, so I tell them about the research that shows drinking at an early age (like 14) can lead to the risk of developing problems with alcohol later in life and can seriously damage their growing brains.

I stick to the facts

Knowing the facts about alcohol, the impact it has on developing bodies and brains, and the legal implications of underage drinking is essential.

Here are some basic facts you can share:

• Alcohol contributes to the deaths of more young people than anything else in the world.
• One 14-17 year old dies every weekend due to alcohol.
• Someone who starts drinking as a young teen is four times more likely to develop dependence.
• Researchers now agree under-16s should not drink any alcohol, ever, due to the impact on brain development.

I promise not to judge/freak out

I want to be the kind of parent that, if my kids ever find themselves in trouble, they’ll think, “I need to call my Mum,” rather than, “I can never tell Mum about this.”

I do this by having open and honest communication, making sure they know it’s normal to want to push boundaries as a teenager, but that they don’t need to grow up too fast; they have all of their lives ahead of them. For now, protecting their beautiful body and brain is important.

I set boundaries and rules

While I can’t control every aspect of my children’s lives, I can set rules regarding alcohol at home. We’ve agreed on a zero-tolerance policy for underage drinking in our home. This needs to be respected and it doesn’t waver – no matter what the party is for, or who is coming over. No underage drinking goes on in my home.

I talk about what alcohol is not

When I was 14, alcohol appeared the answer to everything – loneliness, not belonging and a lack of confidence. One lesson I learned through my own journey is that alcohol should never be used as a coping mechanism.

Alcohol is not:

• A way to cope when life gets tough
• Confidence
• Escape
• A way to fit in

I teach my kids healthier ways to deal with stress, anxiety and peer pressure, whether through sports or talking to someone they trust.

I help them foster a sense of self

Lastly, but most importantly, I remind my kids about the importance of selfhood. True self-esteem comes from within, and it’s something they should nurture without relying on external substances or situations. When you have a strong sense of self, you are far less likely to be caught up in peer pressure, or want to escape with or “lose” yourself in alcohol.

I lead by example

My children see me go clubbing, to outdoor festivals, to barbecues and dinners without any thought or question of needing alcohol. They know if you are with the right people, you don’t need alcohol to make the experience more fun.

How is this landing? We have open and honest conversations regularly. And what all of this has shown me is, I can’t control the decisions my kids make about drinking, but I can ensure they are armed with education and information to make decisions that are right for them. And they known that whatever they decide, I will always love them and always be there for them.

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