WARNING: GRAPHIC CONTENT
The number of women reporting violent abuse by their former partners has soared 30 per cent in the past five years.
New statistics obtained by The Age show the number of family violence offences reported to Victoria Police involving former partners has risen from 28,010 between April 2020 and March 2021 to 36,519 between April 2024 and March this year.
An image of Sikeli Lala being interviewed by police.
Police said the number of reports of women being abused by former partners had been steadily increasing. Last year alone, there was a 15 per cent rise in reports of domestic violence by former partners, compared to the previous year.
There were almost 7500 more reports of domestic violence by former partners than by current partners made to police last year.
Police said the increase in family violence offending by former partners was being fuelled by recidivist perpetrators and alarming breaches of family violence intervention orders.
Melbourne University law professor Heather Douglas, a renowned family violence researcher, said there were many reasons for the spike in police reports, including the rise of toxic masculinity influencers such as Andrew Tate.
Sikeli Lala, 40, was sentenced in March 2025 in the County Court to nine months’ prison with a two-year community corrections order.
Douglas said women were also often at increased risk of violence after leaving a relationship due to the abuser’s attempt to reassert control and maintain power.
Melbourne woman Emma, whose name has been changed to protect her identity, met Sikeli Lala, who migrated to Australia from Fiji, on an online dating app after the breakdown of a long-term relationship.
Lala, now 40, described himself as a life coach and mentor online and hosted a podcast called Feel Grateful. He quickly moved in with the now-41-year-old woman.
But looking back, Emma said their relationship was marred by emotional, psychological and financial abuse and coercive control, which quickly isolated her.
Their four-year romantic relationship ended in July 2023. The pair remained in contact, and on New Year’s Eve of the same year they attended a party at The Continental Sorrento on the Mornington Peninsula with mutual friends.
Lala, who was intoxicated, began to berate Emma on the dance floor.
What unfolded in the following moments was captured on CCTV and described by a senior police officer as among the worst violent assaults he had ever seen.
In the hallway of the hotel after an argument, Lala grabbed Emma by the throat and slammed her into a wall.
He threw her on the floor and struck her in the head, before kicking her in the abdomen twice as she lay there.
He then pulled her off the floor and held her by the throat, before punching her in the face, causing her to lose consciousness. As she lay dazed on the floor, Lala jumped into the air and stomped on her head.
Two men who were staying at the hotel heard her screams. Lala told the two men Emma was drunk before dragging her back to her friend’s hotel room.
“All I remember is that he grabbed me by the neck and kind of pushed me against the wall, so I couldn’t really breathe,” Emma said.
“I remember his eyes. They were just like black. That moment was so scary … I just remember being dragged on the floor ... then I lost consciousness.”
After the brutal attack, Emma said she felt a wave of emotions, including guilt and shame, but after seeking a restraining order, she was encouraged to make a report to police.
Somerville Family Violence Investigation Unit Detective Senior Constable Ross Williams, who investigated Emma’s case and was crucial in getting Lala convicted, said harrowing CCTV footage captured the assault inside the hotel. Williams believes Emma is lucky to be alive.
He said the footage, which was aired in the Victorian County Court, and Emma’s courage in providing evidence were instrumental in Lala being jailed for nine months and given a two-year community corrections order for the assault in March this year.
“It was, quite simply, the worst footage I’d ever seen,” Williams said.
“I’ve reflected on how I felt at the time, and I would say, as a human I was disgusted. As a father of two daughters I was horrified.
“As a police officer, having actually seen the footage, it really motivated me to hold this person to account. It was simply disgusting.”
Lala was arrested, and Williams and his colleague interviewed him about the assault.
The detective said that as soon as he showed Lala the graphic CCTV footage of the incident, he told police he would plead guilty.
Williams said that because of the severity of the assault, the case had always stayed with him.
“It was gratifying to know that he’d been found guilty,” he said.
The detective said he had observed a troubling rise among men assaulting their former partners in recent years.
“The sadistic mindset of these people are that they need that power, they need that control of the person,” Williams said.
“When that person steps up to them and the relationship is ended ... they act out criminally.”
“I almost didn’t go to the police, but I’m so glad I did, and I just want to tell other victims to just not wait,” she said.
Victim Emma who was abused at hands of her ex boyfriend
Emma said she was sharing her story in the hope that other women would report their abuse to police.
“I almost didn’t go to the police, but I’m so glad I did, and I just want to tell other victims to just not wait,” she said.
“There are people who will believe you and support you. You deserve to feel safe. You deserve to live without fear. Taking that first step might feel terrifying, but it could save your life.”
Douglas said lessening social stigma in reporting family violence had led to more survivors reporting the crime, along with greater recognition of coercive control.
Douglas said it was not uncommon for a former partner who had been abusive in other ways to become physically violent for the first time after a break-up.
“Some research suggests that when partners lose control of the other partner, instead of trying to regain control, they start to try to think of ways to destroy them so they might be actually more willing to use physical assault,” she said.
Douglas also suspected higher number of reports to police could be linked to landmark laws enacted in Victoria last year, which make it a criminal offence to intentionally choke or strangle a person.
Williams said the number of family violence incidents being reported in Victoria was “horrific”, but the one silver lining was that more victims were reporting the crime.
“Victoria Police in the time that I’ve been a police officer has totally changed and totally increased their education and support and resourcing into family violence for the better,” he said.
“I’d encourage any victim-survivor of family violence to come forward and speak to someone ... to come and see us because we have the resources and structures to hold these people to account, to bring them before the court and make sure that these victims’ lives are safe, and their lives can be changed.”
Tania Farha, chief executive of Safe and Equal – the peak body for specialist family violence services – said one of the most high-risk times for a victim-survivor was just before they leave a violent relationship and in the months afterwards.
“This is not and never will be the fault of the person leaving,” she said.
“Choosing to use violence is a deliberate decision, and this includes attempts to reassert control or take revenge against their former partner. The person using violence must always be held accountable.”
If you or anyone you know needs support, you can contact the National Sexual Assault, Domestic and Family Violence Counselling Service on 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732), Lifeline 131 114, or Beyond Blue 1300 224 636.