My boss is accusing me of not caring about their nervous breakdown
Each week, Dr Kirstin Ferguson tackles questions on workplace, career and leadership in her advice column, “Got a Minute?” This week: an oversharing manager, a bad work uniform and diagnosing an employee with ADHD.
If your boss’ behaviour continues to get worse, it will only be much harder for you to navigate.Credit: Dionne Gain
During my annual performance review, my boss told me their mental health was suffering, and that they are on the “verge of a nervous breakdown”. I told them I was very sorry to hear they were unwell, and that I hoped they got better soon. Since then, things have deteriorated. I don’t feel comfortable talking to my boss as they overshare. I am keeping things professional, ensuring my boss is advised of anything that I am doing in writing. My boss has now accused me of not asking how they are. Any thought on how I deal with this situation?
I recommend you speak with someone more senior in your organisation about what has happened as soon as possible. Let them know everything, including what you have observed with your boss. This is one of those situations that could become serious quickly, so make sure you share what is happening to someone in a position of power to take action, so your boss can receive the support they need, and to also understand the position you have been put in.
This will probably be uncomfortable for you to do but it is in the best interests of your boss and the rest of your team. This information is not something you can ignore. The fact your boss is using their mental health as a reason to chastise you is unacceptable. If your boss’ behaviour continues to get worse, it will only be much harder for you to navigate.
We have a new work uniform which consists of a tight three-quarter sleeve top and a tight elastic black skirt. It is suitable only for women who are thin. I am overweight for various medical reasons and I do not want to wear either, especially the skirt. I have been wearing black pants to work, and the HR manager told me we all have to look the same and to wear the skirt. I was in tears in her office, but she said the uniform is company policy and I have to wear it, or there may be repercussions. Do I have any legal grounds to not wear the tight skirt? I am already very self-conscious.
Do the men in your office also have to wear a tight black skirt? Or do they get to wear pants? While employers can require you to wear a uniform, they can’t discriminate between genders. They also can’t indirectly discriminate, which means requiring you to wear a uniform that has a discriminatory effect on a certain type of person (whether your weight would classify as being discriminatory in that sense is something you would need to ask Fair Work). You are best to avoid the legal route and try and find a commonsense solution.
It frustrates me to think an HR manager would see one of their employees so upset and not work to find a solution. While your employer can require you to wear a uniform, clothing can be ordered in a range of different sizes, shapes and materials to best fit the broad spectrum of employees’ needs. Have you looked at the policy the HR manager referred to? My guess is that it only says employees must wear the company uniform; it is highly unlikely there is any reference to the specific tight skirt. Maybe even find out where the uniforms are ordered from, check out the alternatives to the skirt, and suggest an alternative. There are probably others at your workplace who feel the same way so find them and try to tackle this craziness together.
I suspect that one of my employees may have ADHD. Can I ask them to get tested?
No. You can not do an armchair diagnosis of an employee and ask them to get tested. As an employer, in certain circumstances you are entitled to require an employee to undertake an independent medical examination, but only where you suspect there is a risk to health and safety at work, or where you suspect mental or physical illness is resulting in unsatisfactory performance. You should seek legal advice before doing so to ensure you are not breaching your obligations as an employer, and you are adequately putting the care of your employee at the centre of your decision-making.
To submit a question about work, careers or leadership, visit kirstinferguson.com/ask (you will not be asked to provide your name or any identifying information. Letters may be edited).
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