After failed IVF and miscarriages, I don’t want to see babies in the office

Each week, Dr Kirstin Ferguson tackles questions on workplace, career and leadership in her advice column, “Got a Minute?” This week: a painful reminder of infertility at work, travelling with male colleagues and an award switch-up.

Everyone is entitled to feel safe at work, but not all guarentees can be met.Credit: Dionne Gain

I have a history of failed IVF and multiple miscarriages, and am unable to have children. My workplace is aware of this. Last week, someone brought their baby into the office, which is fine, but they stayed by my desk for half an hour with the whole office gushing over the baby. I had a panic attack because I felt I couldn’t escape and was overwhelmed with grief. I told my manager I never wanted to be put in that position again and asked them to ensure baby show-and-tell was not conducted next to me ever again. My manager said they were unable to guarantee my request. Surely, I am entitled to feel safe at my desk?

I can’t imagine how painful it is to have the continual reminder of the pain you have endured. Having that reminder brought right to your desk, a place where you no doubt want to escape the challenges you have had to confront, would have been incredibly overwhelming. I hope you have been able to access support, not just after that event, but for as long as you might need.

Yes, you are entitled to feel safe, of course. The question you have asked prompts me to consider whether it is reasonable to expect your employer to guard you against exposure to babies in your workplace? I am afraid I agree with your manager; I understand why they said they can’t guarantee this won’t happen again. Not everyone will know what you have experienced or how you feel and as time goes on, sadly even fewer people will remember your situation. I know that will be difficult to hear. Unfortunately, babies are likely to trigger you in ways that only you will ever truly understand. Next time, if there is a baby at work, see if you can take the day off, work from home, have an early lunch break or go for a walk. You know best what will work for you. Your employer will hopefully understand, and it will mean you can avoid having a painful reminder unfold in front of you. Do take care.

I work in sales for a large manufacturing company. My contract states I must attend trade shows, which I enjoy. However, I’m not comfortable travelling long distances by car or plane with male coworkers. I would prefer to be accompanied by another female. How do I raise this? Can they fire me if I say I won’t go as the only female?

You haven’t indicated this in your letter, but I can’t help but wonder if there is a specific reason behind your fear of your male colleagues. Has something happened to you or another woman at work that means you have reason to be concerned about the men you work with? If so, please consider reporting it. Doing so will also make it much easier to explain to your employer why you are uncomfortable travelling with your male colleagues. Your employer does have a duty of care for your safety, but asking you to travel with a male colleague is unlikely to breach that duty without more information.

If you work with a number of women and you feel the same way, perhaps you can go together to see whether trade show pairings can be two women, instead of always being one woman and one man. However, without offering any reasons for the change, I think this is always going to be a tricky conversation. I hope you can find a way to navigate this situation and can stay in the role you otherwise enjoy.

I work in an environment with an enterprise agreement covering our work conditions. Recently, my employer discovered I was incorrectly classified when I started work 17 years ago. They are asking that I move to be a non-award employee, but have said they will ensure I retain all the same benefits, entitlements and conditions. I am sceptical. Can I be forced to sign a new contract?

No, you can’t be forced to sign a new contract, but before assuming something sketchy is going on, I would find out what it might mean for you. Renegotiating your contract may also mean other things can be up for negotiation such as notice periods, annual leave and salary. Use this as an opportunity to review what you are being offered. You might find you can gain some benefits you might not otherwise have been entitled to under an award. If in doubt, call Fair Work or your union, if you belong to one, for advice.

To submit a question about work, careers or leadership, visit kirstinferguson.com/ask (you will not be asked to provide your name or any identifying information. Letters may be edited).

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