The macho aggression of the handshake has to go. It’s time to normalise the high five

About a year and a half ago, a delightfully deranged slice of Americana was doing the rounds online. In it, John Rosemond, “parenting expert” and contributor at the Omaha World Herald, vigorously denounced intergenerational high-fiving.

His concern was that “slapping the upraised palm of a person who is not my peer” undermined the innate respect that a child should have for an adult, because it is “good for children to view responsible adults as people who exist in a higher plane”. So far, so boomer.

The high-five: So quick, so inclusive, so clean.Credit: Getty Images

Given that the fervent slaps of well-executed high fives are still sounding the world over, it’s clear the lasting cultural impact of Rosemond’s call to arms was NIL. This is a shame – I too understand the struggle of the writer in search of fleeting relevancy.

But I also think his high five hate, if it really is in earnest, is insane. So I write today, in a different newspaper, in a different country and in a different year, to offer a counter-argument. The humble high five has been taken for granted for too long and should in fact be the greeting of choice in the corporate, social and familial realms.

As a child, I dreaded high fives. I did not have the confidence to respond to them wholeheartedly. Plus, I always worried that the instigator would “down low, too slow” me and I would be cursed to an eternity of embarrassment.

This was in the ’90s when high fives were between children only, kids called their teachers “Mr” and “Mrs”, and orange juice with Nutella toast and Nutri-Grain was a balanced and healthy breakfast. During this momentous decade, it was also required to kiss on the cheek papery-cheeked distant relatives with the glazed-over eyes of a person just waking up from the severance procedure.

Perhaps in response to this, my generation, now parenting Gen Alpha, is a bit more into bodily autonomy and low-sugar diets. At kinder, my children have been taught about an autonomous zone around the body referred to as the “body bubble”. They have also been trained to say “stop I don’t like that” when they feel uncomfortable, which is great should they ever feel at risk, but really annoying when you are just trying to stop them from checking whether the mannequins at Target are wearing underwear (they aren’t).

They have also been taught that high-fiving is an entirely acceptable alternative to shaking hands or kissing (gross). Imagine if this same delightful exchange could be more fully embraced among adults.

In the office, the handshake remains the preferred professional greeting. But I reckon its history holds it back from gender equal application. The handshake was, and to some people still is, a form of domination, a way of proving brute strength with a veneer of civility (think Mark Latham and John Howard, or Vladimir Putin with anyone). A high five, on the other hand, requires both people, regardless of gender, age or circumstance to look like an idiot, which is an excellent equaliser.

The Latham-Howard power-grab: Over 20 years on and still so embarrassing.Credit:

And while I appreciate that, historically, it might seem a little informal to high-five at the start of a meeting, there is a lot to be said for having a relaxed and respectful professional environment. Kinda like the collective image we had of Silicon Valley before certain people started going on Joe Rogan and bemoaning the demise of corporate masculinity.

Social situations could benefit from more high fives, too. Even in this day and age, there is a gendered difference in greeting etiquette. It is still common for men to shake hands with men while women are either subjected to cheek kisses or the absence of anything. I, for one, long for the brief high five. So quick! So inclusive! So far away from the mouth!

Which brings me to my last point. You know how a few years ago there was a pandemic and everything went crazy and we all remembered that there are lots of germs in the world and we had all just been wandering around in them and breathing them in and sharing drinks and eating from the ground? Well, the germs still exist!

The high five is so perfect because it is so comparatively hygienic. Whereas the handshake is an invitation to aggressively rub your germs all over someone else, and a kiss is too much face too close to another face, a high five is a cool and crisp – “how long does it take for warts to move from one person’s hand to another?”

The high five is the perfect beginning of and conclusion to a social chat, a meeting, a swimming lesson. It is a bookend that is both physically appropriate and jovial. So here’s to the undervalued use of this hand gesture: kid-friendly, safety conscious, and just the right amount of glib for a world where nothing matters any more.

To read more from Spectrum, visit our page here.

Get a weekly wrap of views that will challenge, champion and inform your own. Sign up for our Opinion newsletter.