Why is my company determined to have such a boring ‘mission statement’?

I volunteered to be on a subcommittee at work. Its job is to come up with a new mission statement for the organisation. I was cautiously optimistic to begin with, mainly because I love being creative, but most of my usual work is very formulaic and process-driven.

It has not lived up to these modest expectations. I have found the whole activity depressing. Each meeting, we seem to make the statement blander. I have sent you our current wording. Am I being unrealistic or is this awful? And how can I try to encourage a change for the better?

As it’s written currently, the mission statement you’re working with sits squarely in the meaningless corporate drivel segment of the spectrum.Credit: John Shakespeare

I come at this subject with some strong opinions. Some might call them biases … or prejudices. I don’t apologise for them.

There’s a certain category of modern business information that ostensibly aims to reflect an organisation’s objectives and moral characteristics. Mission statements fall into this category and, although there are instances where they work – not-for-profit organisations working to address a social problem, for example – more often than not, they do not.

They are meaningless. Or shockingly dishonest. Or so leached of substance that they may as well not exist. Collectively, this information is sometimes referred to as “Vision and Values” – V&V for short. In most instances, a more accurate name would be “Banality and Inanity”. Or simply “About Us Page Wank”.

Before it was revealed that Enron was an ethical wasteland roamed by sociopaths calling themselves corporate leaders, part of its mission statement read: “We treat others as we would like to be treated ourselves. We do not tolerate abusive or disrespectful treatment. Ruthlessness, callousness, and arrogance don’t belong here.”

Don’t give anyone the opportunity to associate you with this joyless, turgid word paste.

That’s so antithetical to the way the business was run that it’s almost as if it were written ironically. Or as a subtle “eff you” to regulators. And even still, I think I prefer it to mission statements so anodyne they almost demand not to be read.

An example: guess which organisation uses the copy below in the Vision and Values bit of its website?

“We’re driving impact by living our purpose. The actions we continue to take today across people, communities and our planet will ensure we’re building a better business and a more trusted brand for generations to come.”

The answer is McDonald’s. And, despite the fact the organisation you work for is a million miles from fast food, it bears striking similarities to the subcommittee’s draft that you sent me. The words are different, but the tone and the sad abstractness of it all are the same.

As it’s written currently, the mission statement you’re working with sits squarely in the meaningless corporate drivel segment of the spectrum. Any attempt to make it blander would be like trying to further lighten the colour white.

There are many ways to encourage change – from gentle hints in the ear of one influential person to taking a forceful stand in front of everyone. Take the option you feel most comfortable with.

But whatever you say and however you say it, make sure you don’t sidestep the central problem: these words are neither specific to your organisation nor interesting or compelling in any way. Any adjustment from here, as risky or challenging as it might sound to some participants, needs to add specificity or warmth. Ideally both.

Answering your specific question, yes, it really is that bad. So bad that I don’t think this will reflect well on anyone in the committee once it becomes a formal part of your corporate communications.

Some grey executives might consider it a triumph; absolutely nobody else will. If you fail to make it less insipid, my advice would be to remove yourself from the subcommittee. Again, as politely or defiantly as you see fit.

Don’t give anyone the opportunity to associate you with this joyless, turgid word paste.

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