Was I wrong to ignore a pushy LinkedIn salesperson?

A person contacted me on LinkedIn and said they admired my work and would like to connect. I was happy to oblige, and we had a conversation over chat about the ups and downs of the industry we’re in. Then the tone suddenly shifted, and this person sent me a sales pitch for some software.

It was a bit jarring. Looking back, the profession of “admiration” and our written discussion no longer seemed genuine. I felt let down and decided not to respond. After a few days, the person responded with none of their previous warmth, asking why I had snubbed them. I again didn’t respond, but the sales messages continued, always lacking the friendliness of the first discussion.

I know you sometimes write about work etiquette and I wonder what the etiquette is here? Should I have responded with a polite “no, thanks”? Should I have tried to explain myself? Was I in the wrong for never replying?

What this salesperson tried was a pretty common tactic. And you were well within your rights to do more than just ignore them.Credit: John Shakespeare

No, you weren’t in the wrong for refusing to respond. Not at all. In fact, you were well within your rights to immediately hit the Remove Connection button or even block them.

What they tried with you is a pretty common tactic on LinkedIn. In fact, it’s a version of a sales device that’s been around for ages, a foot-in-the-door technique beginning with ingratiation and ending with a hard sell.

If done deftly, I can imagine it works – it wouldn’t still be around if it didn’t. It sounds, however, like you’ve encountered a particularly hackish attempt at it.

It was a confected conversation based on manufactured admiration. It deserved to be completely ignored.

It’s interesting that in your longer email to me you said you felt let down, but weren’t sure who had let you down more: the person for being so seemingly fickle or yourself for being so gullible. I’d suggest you’re being hard on yourself.

I think few of us would admit it, but part of the reason many of us remain on LinkedIn is because of wishful thinking. Optimism might be a kinder way to put it.

We see the endless digital reams of facile self-help advice. We see the constant, puerile declarations of un-self-aware, supremely confident know-it-alls. We see the absurdly insulting insistence that you can take valuable business lessons out of everything from childhood cancer to a polar bear saving its cub. And yet, we persist.

Because hope springs eternal, and maybe, just perhaps, by sticking around, checking our mentions every couple of weeks, we might get contacted by the dream boss from the dream organisation offering the dream job.

So when someone comes along and seems to like our work and is interested in our opinion, we do a little internal jump for joy. We did it! We stuck it out. We put up with the nonsense and our patience was worth it. This isn’t gullibility. Or if it is, it’s just proof that gullibility is often nothing more than hopefulness exploited.

And that’s what this is: you’ve been taken advantage of. In the scheme of things, it’s not a particularly harmful form of exploitation, but it’s a form nonetheless. This person has preyed on your good will.

And also your politeness – nobody is obligated to respond to a stranger at any time, let alone on a social media platform. And then they’ve had the gall to accuse you of disrespect! You, for ignoring their ham-fisted switch from “I love your work” to “Buy buy buy!”

No, they are the ones who let you down. And, perhaps, they themselves have been let down by an employer that treats them as nothing more than a number accumulator.

When your professional life comes down to nothing more complex than “Did you get the sale: Y/N?” it’s not difficult to become calloused and unconcerned by how your cheap tricks affect others.

If, in the course of a genuine back-and-forth on LinkedIn, a person realises they may be able to use their professional skills to help you, I think good etiquette – and common sense, really – would say you should respond. But this was nothing of the sort. It was a confected conversation based on manufactured admiration. It deserved to be completely ignored.

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