Sex before, not after, a romantic dinner – and other advice from foodie Alison Roman

Each week, Benjamin Law asks public figures to discuss the subjects we’re told to keep private by getting them to roll a die. The numbers they land on are the topics they’re given. This week, he talks to Alison Roman. The New York-based cook and writer, 38, is famous for her eponymous YouTube channel and newsletter, and is the author of the internationally bestselling cookbooks, Sweet Enough, Nothing Fancy and Dining In.

Alison Roman: “Over the arc of history, I think people will look at everyone who decided not to eat meat as having made the correct decision.”Credit: Celeste Sloman/Telegraph Media Group Limited 2023

POLITICS

Food is inherently political. What are the big issues that come to mind? Something I think a lot about is accessibility, while simultaneously supporting my own belief system in how food should be grown, farmed, processed, raised and sold. Should we be buying local, grass-fed organics and supporting small farmers so that they can make a living and we can eat better food? Yes. Do I also understand that food costs a lot of money? Yes. So I feel a big responsibility when I’m writing recipes for everyone to make sure the ingredients are delicious and accessible.

What’s your take on meat consumption? Over the arc of history, I think people will look at everyone who decided not to eat meat as having made the correct decision. They’ll be like, “Yeah, that was the right move.” I’m not a vegan: I eat meat in moderation. Like anything delicious and expensive, you shouldn’t do it all the time. I’d pay double the price for a steak if I knew it had a less devastating impact on the environment.

America is so politically divided right now. Is it naive to think you can bring people together with food? Food doesn’t conquer the fact that people are losing their minds. That said, I have zero problem sharing a meal with people I don’t agree with politically. There have been people in my life where I’ve discovered that they voted for Trump in 2016. That’s tough to look past, if I’m honest. However, I don’t think that anyone should be written off based solely on how they vote, even though it’s very difficult when that vote could actively harm people you care about.

“Expiration dates are bullshit.” Discuss. A lot of them are! I’m not a doctor, but it’s frustrating how many people don’t understand food spoilage; your buttermilk will last three months in the fridge. The way grocery stores try to move product and the amount of food we throw away are maddening. Fish is, obviously, a different story. If it’s dairy, you’ve got more leeway than you think, especially with cultured products such as yoghurt and sour cream. But if you open it and it smells weird? Don’t eat it. You always know.

SEX

You recently got married! Congratulations. Thank you! We’re seven months in.

Besides legal status, what has getting married changed about your relationship? We’re learning that we’re more of a unit now than we were before. Before, I’d be, like, “Well, I’m just going to order these sheets. I like these sheets.” Now I should ask him if he likes these sheets, too. On the positive side, if there’s an argument or a bad day, there’s never a moment where you’re like, “Are we breaking up? Is this it?” You’re fully experiencing each other, in the peaks and valleys, but without any insecurity.

If your husband was a meal, what would he be? He’d be the best roast chicken you’ve ever had, with caramelised lemon and a really good salad: savoury and salty, bitter and sour, but also comforting and warm and also, somehow, really exciting.

How did you meet? What’s interesting is that his sister was cooking my recipes for Passover and invited him over. He’s like, “What are we having?” She said, “We’re cooking Alison Roman’s Passover.” He’s like, “Who’s that?” He doesn’t cook. She showed him my video and he was like, “Oh, I have a crush on this girl.” I was actually quite nervous to meet him [after he left a comment on one of her Instagram posts], but we talked on the phone and texted for two to three weeks before we met and went on our first date.

Dan Savage – the sex-advice columnist – suggests that couples have sex before a romantic dinner, not after. Your thoughts? One hundred per cent agree. Truthfully, after you’ve been to a restaurant, you’re in the car on the way home and you’re like, “I want to fall asleep immediately.” Before is also hot because then you spend the whole dinner being like, “I know what we just did!”

BODIES

What’s your worst cooking-related accident? Oooh, I recently burned myself here [reveals burn mark on right wrist]. Can you see?

Oh, god … it’s quite pink. I was flipping a pork chop in a cast-iron skillet. As I was flipping it, I was like, “You’re going to drop it, you’re going to drop it”. And I f---ing dropped it. The oil went all over my arm and, immediately, I was like, “That’s going to f--- me up.” I’ll probably scar.

Oil burns are the worst. Commiserations. How much of being a good cook is a physical skill that comes from muscle memory? So much. It’s why cooking in a new kitchen can be disorienting, because it’s an extremely physical act. And it’s very sensual. You’re using all your senses all the time. When you’re watching somebody cook, you can always tell if they’re comfortable cooking and how long they’ve been doing it. It’s not unlike sex.

Is there anything you won’t put in your body? I’ll eat anything once or twice. I’ll eat a bag of Doritos – those taste really delicious – but I’m doing it so seldom that it’s not going to destroy me. And there’s nothing quite like drinking a Coca-Cola over ice every once in a while. It should be expensive. It’s a luxury to me.

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