‘I’ve been driven and selfish’: AFL star Travis Boak on staying single

Each week, Benjamin Law asks public figures to discuss the subjects we’re told to keep private by getting them to roll a die. The numbers they land on are the topics they’re given. This week he speaks to Travis Boak. The Port Adelaide midfielder, 36, holds the club’s record for most AFL games played: 380 and counting. He’s made the All-Australian team three times, and won the club’s best and fairest award twice.

Travis Boak: “I attached my entire worth to being a footballer and it completely drained me.”Credit: Duy Dash

POLITICS

You’re a public figure and a role model. Did you embrace this exposure – or did it freak you out? You adapt to it. With social media, there’s way more scrutiny on players, especially young players. You learn as you go that people are constantly watching and judging, and that can take away your authenticity. But vulnerability, imperfections, stuffing shit up and trying your best is the best way to lead, right?

Has it taken a lot of trial and error to land where you’re at? A hundred per cent. When I was captain [of Port Adelaide from 2013 to 2018], my whole identity was based on being a footballer and captain. If I played well, if I led well, I was a good person. If I didn’t, I was a bad person. I attached my entire worth to being a footballer and it completely drained me. But I had to go through that period to get where I am now.

Over your career, AFL has had its scandals. How have you seen the code and culture of the game evolve – and has it evolved enough? It’s still evolving, for sure. The AFL, in particular, is a huge part of Australian culture, so we have a platform from which we can make change. The women’s game has grown massively and we’ve made a lot of progress in the Indigenous space, too. We didn’t have any of this 10 or 15 years ago.

Last year, there was a shocking display of sexism at Melbourne’s Knox Football Club when male players vocally rated and tripped up female players of an opposing club as they entered the field. You were one of the first public figures to call it out, saying that more than an apology was needed. What needs to happen next? My initial reaction was, “How does this even still happen?” It’s not just one thing. Education is a huge part of it: how parents, teachers and the community talk to kids.

Have you ever been approached to run for office? [Laughs] Never!

Would you consider it? Maybe it’s something I should possibly look at after footy. [Retirement] is getting closer …

SEX

What’s your current situation? Partnered or single and ready to mingle? I’m single. And I’ve been single for – wow – the majority of my career, actually. A lot of my mates who I’ve played with have their wife and kids there at milestones, which is really special. But, honestly, I wouldn’t change my situation for anything. I’ve been driven and selfish in terms of the athlete that I wanted to be. One day, I’d like to settle down and have kids.

What are your criteria for a partner? Authenticity: someone who’s not afraid to be themselves or their best self. Someone who’s passionate about growth and who wants to be healthy.

What assets do you bring to a relationship? I’m really competitive, so I’d bring out the fun, competitive side of someone else in board games, card games, PlayStation. I also try to be a good listener, show empathy, and understand where someone else is coming from and how they view the world.

What liabilities would you bring? [Laughs] Liabilities!

This is a test of self-awareness. Well, I can be very stubborn. It’s something I struggled with early on as a leader: “This is how it has to be done, and this is the only way.” That’s something I’m working on. I’m also a fussy eater. And I don’t like to share anything at the movies: we have to have our own popcorn. We can’t share.

“Don’t have sex before a big match.” True or false? No, I wouldn’t. And I haven’t. [Thinks] Actually, that’s a lie. I did once: the night before my first game. I played horribly. Since then, I’ve never done it. So I’m saying no.

DEATH

You lost your dad to cancer when you were just a teenager, right? [Nods] It’s coming up to his 20-year anniversary.

How are you feeling about it, 20 years on? Man, 20 years is a long time, but it doesn’t feel like it’s been 20 years. All the things that he taught me, all the things I learnt, all the good memories, it’s all still there. That never changes.

You mentioned things that you’ve learnt. What are the things that his death has taught you? I’ve got this clear vision of the night he passed away from cancer, and walking out of the hospital. From that moment on, I felt like I was a victim, which makes sense: I was 16. I judged so many other father-son relationships that I saw: “Why can’t he have a good relationship with his father? Why was mine taken away?” Everything was so negative: I couldn’t remember the good times. It wasn’t until a teammate talked to me about the relationship he had with his father that my perspective changed. I went from “I’m a victim” to “Holy shit! I’m so grateful that I had 16 years of the most amazing dad I could ever have asked for.” All of a sudden, these memories started coming back: how he taught me to play cricket, how to kick the footy, go work on the farm. That wouldn’t have been possible without a change of perspective on death.

If you were to die today, what would you be most proud of? I’d be proud of the brother, son and friend that I’ve been. I’m not perfect; I’ve done a lot of dumb shit, but I’ve tried to be the best person I can possibly be. I think I can be proud of that.

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