How do I get a loaned book back from the dead?

I lent a book to a friend when she was terminally ill. Now that she’s passed away, I’d really like it back. How do I ask her children for it?
A.B., Pyrmont, NSW

Credit: Simon Letch

When a person dies, they leave behind a lot of junk, and sorting through that junk can be a stressful job for family members: deciding what to keep, what to donate, what to throw in a skip, what to throw in a bigger skip because the first skip filled up a lot faster than expected – and that was just old birthday cards.

So I’m sure if you contacted your friend’s children and asked if you could get your book back, they’d be very happy to hand it over; they wouldn’t have to worry about what to do with it, and it’s not like you’re asking for expensive jewellery or family heirlooms or that 20 grand in cash they found rolled up inside an International Roast coffee tin.

Just make sure you get your timing right: if you ask for the book too soon after the death, it might annoy the family, especially if you mentioned it at the funeral or worked it into your eulogy. And if you ask for the book too late, it may already be gone, carted away in a skip, buried under piles of superannuation paperwork, brown crockery from the ’70s and a box filled with nothing but expired tubes of haemorrhoid ointment.

Personally, I plan to help out my loved ones by taking all my unwanted crap with me when I die. I’m going to have it jammed into my coffin, heavy items underneath, lighter stuff on top, soft shoes and T-shirts shmooshed into corners, and leftover packets of Vita-Weat 9 Grains crumbled into the gaps around my head.

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