‘We’re reclaiming space as older women – and we’re a powerful group’

As Jacinta Parsons ages, the broadcaster, writer and speaker isn’t waxing lyrical about the privileges of growing older, nor does she look in the mirror and feel an inner glow about her smile lines. Instead, she’s angry about societal attitudes to ageing and the invisibility women experience in midlife. In fact, she was so enraged she wrote a book addressing the topic, A Question of Age.

Parsons, who’s “knocking on 50”, finds being seen as an “older woman” jarring, a point driven home recently when she found herself engrossed in conversation with a young woman in a bar. “We were having a wonderful moment when she suddenly said, ‘Oh my goodness, I really love you; I wish you were my mum.’ I realised that she saw me in a very different way to how I thought I was seen.”

“I feel like we’re reclaiming space as older women, and we’re a powerful and wonderful group of people,” says Jacinta Parsons.Credit: Chris Hopkins

Being labelled as “older” isn’t just unpleasant; it can also negatively impact health. “There are two stories going on,” Parsons says. “One is the superficial, overt feeling of being invisible, and the other is less overt, but far more dangerous.”

The “less overt” side is the invisibility women face when it comes to their health and welfare, with Parsons saying women over 50 are the fastest-growing cohort of homeless people, and that First Nations women and those with disabilities are especially vulnerable.

It makes sense for your blood to boil in response to such injustice, Parsons says. Yet when women rail against this, she says many are fobbed off, told that their anger stems from age-related “hormonal changes”.

Hormones may indeed play a part in why women feel rage in midlife, says psychologist Jocelyn Brewer. She says changes in oestrogen and progesterone levels can contribute to “difficulties in modulating mood and emotions”. But Brewer says they’re not the sole cause and that anger can be a valid response to the sense of “injustice and invalidation” middle-aged women feel from being “overlooked and ignored”.

“Rage can be channelled into living more authentically and realigning to your values, prioritising the things that really matter.”

While her rage was well-founded, Parsons found carrying it a heavy burden. So she started exploring ways to soften her anger. Understanding its genesis helped.

Brewer recommends directing anger towards more worthwhile targets. “Rage can be channelled into living more authentically and realigning to your values, prioritising the things that really matter,” she says. By redirecting your anger, Brewer says midlife can be “a time of independence and freedom”.

And she speaks from experience. A self-described “perimenopausal, greying 44-year-old”, Brewer feels liberated by caring less about what others think.

It also helps to know that happiness levels tend to increase beyond midlife, according to a 2017 University of Melbourne study which found that many women experience a surge in joy between the ages of 50 and 70. That makes sense to psychologist Katherine Campbell. “Many women are more comfortable within themselves in later life and a majority have accepted and embraced the ageing process.”

Parsons now considers herself to be at that stage. She still harbours some anger about being treated as invisible but isn’t swamped by those feelings. She’s also buoyed by the growing chorus of middle-aged women making their voices heard. “I feel like we’re reclaiming space as older women, and we’re a powerful and wonderful group of people,” she says.

Evelyn Lewin is a GP and freelance writer.

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