‘That’s so demure’: How TikTok became obsessed with an obscure word

For those who don’t spend a lot of time on TikTok, some of the words thrown around regularly could seem like a foreign language. Creators are being praised for their “rizz”, food is “bussin”, people are calling “cap”. What is even more confusing is when existing words are completely redefined.

Take “demure”, for instance. Over the past three weeks, the term has become a go-to phrase on TikTok, but instead of being used to describe things that are modest, reserved or shy, it’s being used to describe, well, anything.

TikTok has latched onto the word demure, but it no longer means what you think.Credit: Compiled by Monique Westermann.

You plait small braids into your hair in the morning? How demure. You eat a light snack of tuna and crackers, but skip the relish? How cutesy.

For the initiated, this is a hilarious inside joke. For the uninitiated, it’s simply gobbledegook. So, if you’re scratching your head, wondering whether you’ll ever be as demure and mindful as the TikTok girlies, here’s a breakdown of Gen Z’s word-of-the-month.

Why does demure no longer mean demure?

The vocabulary shake-up began on August 3, when TikToker and self-proclaimed “fierce diva” Jools Lebron posted a video about “how to be demure at work”.

“See how I come to work?” Lebron said. “I do my makeup. I lay my wig. I do a little braid. I flat-iron my hair. … Very demure, very mindful.”

The video has since been viewed over 15 million times, and has inspired a spate of other creators to share their take on the demure lifestyle. But Lebron remains the face of the term, regularly posting content like how to stay demure in the heat, how to be demure while going out, and how to apply deodorant demurely.

For Lebron, demure is essentially synonymous with mindful, considerate, sweet and cute (aka “sweetsy” and “cutesy”). Instead of a mere descriptor, it has become a mindset, meaning anything has the capacity to be demure, from how you look to how you think and behave.

But it wouldn’t be TikTok if there wasn’t some irony. Many of Lebron’s posts are tongue-in-cheek – she’s saying one thing while showing the complete opposite. For example, in one video she explains how shorter, “respectable” hair appears more demure, but in actuality her hair goes down to her belly button.

Why did this take off?

Following hot on the heels of Charli XCX’s “brat summer”, the demure trend embraces individuality, confidence and authenticity in a way that other more demanding and exclusionary TikTok trends, like the “clean girl aesthetic” and “tradwife” movement, do not.

You can eat a greasy meal while saying it’s a leafy salad in a demure way, for example. Though some of the videos demonstrate actual ways to appear modest and mindful, such as not rushing out of a show as soon as it ends, there are many that celebrate the more chaotic, realistic side of life, such as “demure walks of shame”.

Who else is being demure and mindful?

Though generally steeped in irony, some creators have adopted the trend to either promote their brands or to share more serious messages in an accessible, humorous way.

Sephora shared a video of how to try samples demurely, while Sydney restaurant Saluti By Novella shared how “cutesy” their pizza is for not spilling out of the box.

Similar to “brat summer”, it has entered politics, with certain commentators posting videos using Lebron’s original demure soundbite alongside images of US Vice President Kamala Harris and former president Donald Trump. Similar has been done for Australian Labor Party member Nina Taylor.

The ABCs of TikTok

TikTok has essentially gone from reflecting the collective voice of a generation (Gen Z) to influencing it. As difficult and random as it can be to go viral, chances are heightened when catchy words and strange phrases, aka “trendbait”, are used.

Now that you understand demure (redefined), here’s a cheat sheet of some other words TikTok has either pulled from thin air or given new meaning:

Rizz: charisma.

Bussin: food or drinks that taste good.

Gyat: sometimes shorthand for “Get Your Act Together”, sometimes used to compliment larger bottoms.

No cap: truthful, no lie.

Lit/Fire: used to describe something that is awesome.

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