Why did I get blamed for a bad idea at work?

Last year, I moved into a leadership position and I have been enjoying the new responsibility. But I’ve started to question it all after a phone call with a person at the same level as me. We were part of a group that had to make a decision affecting another colleague. He wanted to take a rip-the-bandaid-off approach; I didn’t like that idea, and suggested acting more cautiously.

The more radical idea prevailed. I respect that in a democratic process your view can’t always win, and I kept the thoughts of “I told you so” to myself when this idea didn’t go down well.

Later, in a meeting when board members asked how this decision had been reached, I was not only made the spokesperson for the decision-makers, but it was heavily implied in the meeting that this had been my idea. I didn’t know whether to laugh, cry or storm out of the meeting. How did I let this happen?

It sounds to me that you’ve either become caught up in some catastrophic misunderstanding or you’ve been deceived.Credit: John Shakespeare

It sounds to me from your story (which is quite a bit longer than the summarised version in the question above) that you’ve either become caught up in some catastrophic misunderstanding or you’ve been deceived.

If it’s the former, who’s to say what happened? It’s so difficult to know what caused the gulf between how you and your colleague interpreted the conversation. That’s because the phone, which is so often held up as a tool of forthright, common-sense communication in an era of digital puerility, is nothing of the sort.

As a very astute observer wrote a few years back, “people can say anything they like over the phone and, unless the other person is recording it [which is generally illegal without consent in Australia], it comes out through the other speaker and then escapes into the ether. True, it enters the other person’s ear and, if it’s important or vicious or an admission of illegal conduct or a loud bodily noise, it probably gets burned into their consciousness, but that’s not much help when it comes time to ‘put up or shut up’.”

I’m not saying I doubt your version of events; I’m just saying that the truth of the matter has been lost forever because phones are inherently unreliable.

As boring, nerdy and cynical as it sounds, if phone calls are common in your workplace, and if you’ve discussed something important with a colleague you don’t trust unquestioningly, some kind of written follow-up is often best.

It might be a quick chat message seeking clarification, or an email outlining your interpretation of the discussion. Anything, really, that you can point to if confusion ensues … or the accusations start rolling in.

OK, so what about if the decision wasn’t a misunderstanding at all, but the result of chicanery? Well, if this is true, then I’m a little bit concerned by the way you’ve worded your question.

While I strongly believe that with power comes responsibility – and it sounds like you’ve recently been granted more power than ever before in your career – there’s a difference between taking responsibility and defaulting to “It must be my fault”.

Although witheringly scrutinising your own ‘role’ in a misdeed perpetrated against you is popular advice among certain psychologists, self-help gurus and motivational charlatans, more often than not it leads to nothing more than blame shifting.

In this worldview, the individual is always at the very least partly to blame for the bad thing that’s happened to them. Invariably, the actual perpetrator or the system that has made the injustice possible has its responsibility radically diminished or shoved under the carpet. This strikes me as a good way to re-concrete the status quo and a terrible way of dealing with major problems.

If you had prevaricated or hedged your bets or changed your mind without telling anyone, I think you’d be right to interrogate your own role in this problem. But it seems to me like you acted with integrity - it’s not always easy to speak up for the gentler, more compassionate option.

Yes, it would have been better if you’d sought clarification in writing, but this omission doesn’t make you culpable. It certainly doesn’t make you the villain of this piece.

How did you let this happen? The far more pertinent questions are: Why did your colleague resort to shafting you? And why is there a regime in your place of work that makes such brazen dishonesty so easy to get away with?

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