My new boss terrifies me. What can I do?

I thought I’d found my dream job. Great work, great location, great hours, but there’s one huge problem. I’m terrified of the person I report to. I don’t think they are trying to bully or intimidate me. In fact, outside critical work periods they are amiable and fun. But when we enter busy periods – which is regularly – their ultra-firm communication style comes to the fore. They don’t mince words and their criticism can be stinging.

Until now, I have never thought of myself as being averse to conflict or afraid of criticism, but this person daunts me like no one I’ve met in my career. Should I speak with a work psychologist about this?

Illustration: John ShakespeareCredit:

I’m not a big believer in universally applicable philosophical aphorisms. But I make an exception for one often articulated as “with great power comes great responsibility”. Yes, it’s a Voltaire quote reappropriated by a comic book (Spider-Man, to be precise), but the idea at its heart has been spoken about for millennia: in classical literature, in the Bible, in medieval times … the list goes on and on.

Your boss may not have “great” power, but they are certainly in a more powerful position than you, and one of the most basic responsibilities they have is to consider how their behaviour affects others. No good leader takes the attitude that everyone “below” them must bend to their whims, foibles and failings.

And yet, time and time again, Work Therapy readers like you write to me with accounts of powerful people (and entities) and their inconsiderate actions. Often, these actions have caused self-doubt – “Am I too conflict averse? Am I being petty? Am I really up to the job?” – and to the conclusion that accommodation or appeasement is the best course of action.

Now, I don’t assume every person who writes to me is beyond reproach or without flaws. But I do very frequently read such accounts and wonder why the responsibility to change so often lies with the less powerful party. I wonder exactly that with your question.

What’s the alternative to modifying your own style and behaviour?

I spoke with Professor Paula Brough, the Director of the Centre for Work, Organisation & Wellbeing (WOW) at Griffith University. She told me there are two options you might consider.

“The first is, during a quiet work period, communicate your observations and concerns to your supervisor. Matter-of-factly explain how difficult you find it to work well in such an environment. Suggest a less confrontational work environment would be best for everybody’s performance,” she says.

“If you’re not comfortable discussing this directly with your supervisor yourself, then the second option is to explain the situation to your HR rep.”

Brough said that the latter option doesn’t need to be a formal complaint, but could instead take the form of a suggestion. Could your supervisor benefit from a management coaching or leadership course, for example?

“Such a discussion also ensures that HR has a record of your supervisor’s behaviour, which may be beneficial down the track if their behaviour escalates, or doesn’t change,” Brough explained.

“With the new workplace psychosocial safety regulations now in place, it is your employer’s responsibility to ensure you can perform your work in a conducive environment. HR will be aware of these regulations and the implications of ignoring any such report.”

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