The best and worst music videos from VFL/AFL footballers

In a comedic video for a short film festival, St Kilda hired a ‘Head of Vocal Performance’ to improve their song. From there came a song and dance routine from players that is difficult to watch.

Carlton's Stephen Kernahan singing Stand By Your Man during premiership celebrations.

You’ve heard them belt out renditions of the club theme song after a win, so it can hardly come as a surprise that as singers, most AFL players make good footballers.

Whenever attention turns to the subject of league footballers singing, the reference point is the 1981 LP Footy Favourites. One player from each of the then 12 VFL clubs was roped in to record a song, the brainchild of Jeff Joseph, a music manager who also looked after the affairs of footballers such as Trevor Barker and Tony Lockett. Apparently a rugby league version had done well in the northern markets.

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Back in 2008 several of the players spoke to the Herald Sun’s Jon Anderson about the experience.

Swans ruckman Barry Round, a big country and western man, somehow ended up sing Elton John’s Little Jeannie, and although reluctant at first “after 14 cans I wanted to do the whole album’’.

SCROLL DOWN FOR CLASSIC MUSIC VIDEOS FEATURING AFL STARS

Former Collingwood captain Ray Shaw (Danny Boy), recorded his effort a couple of days after doing his knee, and said the guidance of musicians Peter Cupples and Gene Pierson, “made a very, very ordinary effort sound very ordinary’’.

Melbourne great Robbie Flower, probably the skinniest footballer ever to be inducted into the hall of fame (182cm, 68kg), sang the Village People’s Macho Man, “such an appropriate song for someone built like me’’.

Shaw reckons the players were paid $342 — “a dollar for each record sold’’.

To listen to some of their handiwork (“you’ve seen them perform on the ground, now hear them perform in your own home’’) watch the video below:

FOOTY FAVOURITES

We have gone to the vault to find photographs and clips of 10 footballers who have famously been recorded exercising their vocal chords.

WE LOVE FOOTBALL

1. WE LOVE, WE LIVE FOOTBALL (1988)

Here’s a 1988 attempt to get league footballers to give rap a go. Wow. So many discussion points, ranging from the atrocious lyrics to Paul Salmon’s breakdance manoeuvre; from Warwick Capper’s headband to “Spud’’ Frawley’s aerobics. You’ll understand the motivation for this video clip if you keep an eye out for the strategically placed Pepsi logos and cans. After debuting in Grand Final week, the song made it into the top 40 before disappearing up its own scratched hook.

WICKED GAMES

2. MOTLOP’S WICKED GAMES (2012)

In contrast you have the guys who can really sing and might make a career out of it once they hang up their boots.

Port Adelaide forward Steven Motlop learned a lot about footy in the backyard of the family home, just up the road from Darwin’s AFL ground in suburban Marrara, but he also learnt a lot about music. “My uncles played a bit, my dad and my brothers too,’’ Motlop told me in a 2012 interview.

“So when I was just a little fella, I remember dad and my uncles used to just sit around on a Saturday night over a few beers and play a few songs, and all of us kids and cousins would watch them and join in. I think it’s just in our genes. I ended up picking up a guitar when I was about nine or 10 and having a go. I just taught myself. Not sure how I ended up having a good voice. I think it’s because I was the youngest and my two brothers used to make me sing. I’m glad they did.’’

Motlop has recorded several songs and appeared on several television shows, even joking that he might have to talk to former coach Chris Scott about having a crack at The Voice.

STAND BY YOUR MAN

3. STICKS STANDS BY HIS MAN (1987)

ONE OF those film clips that just won’t go away, much to the former Carlton skipper’s disgust. Kernahan told Mike Sheahan in 2010 that his infamous rendition of the Tammy Wynette song haunted him. “Sick of it? I’ve had it for 23 years. How do you reckon my wife’s (Jen) going? She says, ‘Can’t you do something about that?’,’’ Kernahan said. “I don’t know if it’s ‘embarrassed’, but I hear it and I say, ‘How long can this keep going?’. There’s not much I can do about it. I can’t ring them and say, ‘Hey boys, don’t play it again’. I get it every day — terrific, I really love it.’’

The film clip shows the premiership captain at Naughton’s Hotel, in the midst of some full-blown flag celebrating (it would be interesting to think how the Carlton president would react these days to the sight of his skipper throwing a glass pot over his shoulder).

Forgotten in all of this is that Kernahan had actually have a go at the song the previous night, on stage before 600 guests at the Blues’ Southern Cross premiership function. Other Blues who had a crack at singing included Justin Madden (Strangers in the Night), Wayne Johnston (Julie), Mark Naley (If You Were a Yellow Tulip, while also playing the drums) and the flag-winning Blues reserves team, ably led by Jim Buckley and Wayne Harmes, who sang We Are the World.

Carlton's Stephen Kernahan singing Stand By Your Man during premiership celebrations.

IT TAKES TIME

4. PETER McKENNA TAKES TIME (1971)

The Collingwood full-forward was massively popular in his heyday, with some comparing his masses of screaming supporters to Beatlemania. Leading television producer Norm Spencer (of In Melbourne Tonight fame) saw an opportunity to cash in and rang the McKenna to suggest he record a song, Smile, written by Johhny Young.

“I recorded this song,’’ McKenna recalled on The Club last year. “It was on top of the charts for about a day, sold 10,203 (of which) my mother bought 10,000.’’

Apart from Smile, McKenna also enjoyed some chart success with Things To Remember and It Takes Time.

He also had a crack at a television career, and in the early 1970s hosted the first eight episodes of a Saturday morning cartoon show called Hey Hey It’s Saturday.

However, after a poor game coach Neil Mann called McKenna in and told him the club’s board had met and decided it was either Collingwood or the kids’ show. McKenna chose football and was replaced on the TV program by a pink puppet called Ossie Ostrich.

HELLO MELBOURNE

5. HELLO MELBOURNE (1985)

It’s media partnership has guaranteed Channel 7 some great access to footballers over the years. But you get the sense that not since the days of World of Sport and League Teams has Seven known how to successfully make use of that access.

The network has had numerous cracks at incorporating footballers in light entertainment, from Live and Kicking to the short-lived The Bounce. There have been some cringe-worthy musical appearances in that time, but for mine the effort that goes straight through to the Grand Final was the 1985 Hello Melbourne promo. And, yes, that is the station’s No. 1 knocker, Sam Newman, pointing at the camera towards the end and declaring “Channel 7’s with you!’’

LEADERS

6. LUKE McPHARLIN (2011)

Meanwhile, over at Channel 9’s The Footy Show, they used to run a segment called Screamers, which in some instances was aptly named. But the segment did showcase some players with vocal ability, notably the two players who made it through to the final: Fremantle’s Luke McPahrlin and Hawthorn’s Luke Brennan. The Dockers defender has since released a single called Leaders and played several gigs in Perth.

Former Docker Luke McPharlin has released a single.

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ME BRAIN HURTS

7. JACKO’S BRAIN HURTS

Despite his entertaining style and the fact that he averaged almost four goals a game over his 82-game career in the early 1980s, Mark “Jacko’’ Jackson kept finding himself at a new club, from Richmond to Melbourne to St Kilda and finally Geelong.

Perhaps it had something to do with his off-field behaviour.

For example, during his one-season stint at St Kilda his capers included: kicking Sherrins over the fence at training so his brother could sell them at the market, placing a brick under the brake pedal of Trevor Barker’s car, and putting a lit cigarette in the jacket of president Lindsay Fox.

During the 1985 season with the Cats, he began to dip his toe into the entertainment industry, recording the single I’m an Individual, which went to No. 15 nationally and No. 3 on the 3XY charts in Melbourne.

He followed up with the less successful Me Brain Hurts (“Me brain hurts/Me noggin’s on the blink/Me brain hurts/It’s driving me to drink’’). Having had a crack at singing, Jacko then tried his hand at acting, notably with the catchcry of “Oi!” In numerous Energizer battery advertisements and as the survival expert “Jetto” in the short lived action-adventure series The Highwayman (1988).

I ONLY TAKE WHAT’S MINE

8. CAPPER ONLY TAKES WHAT’S HIS (1988)

Former Sydney spearhead Warwick Capper — “blond-haired, blue-eyed and ready for takeoff” — clearly figured that if it was good enough Jacko it was good enough for “The Wiz’’. In the months after Jackson’s hit, Capper released the single I Only Take What’s Mine. The song, produced by Swans owner Dr Geoffrey Edelsten, can only be described as truly woeful, but the accompanying film clip is unintentional comedy gold.

IT TAKES TWO

9. RUSSELL ROBERTSON

“Robbo’’ and his guitar have been strumming around for years. About a decade ago he bobbed in a band called the No. 1 Draft Picks, along with Demons teammate Aaron Davey, Hawthorn’s Luke Brennan, Carlton’s Andrew Walker and Cats skipper Tom Harley.

There were also bands called No Soup For You and the Russell Robertson Trio. But the gig that gave him the biggest leg-up was his involvement in the 2008 television talent quest It Takes Two. Singing with Kate Ceberano, Robertson made it through to the Grand Final. Later that year he released a CD of cover songs, including Flame Trees, Summer of 69, Jessie’s Girl and Eagle Rock.

Russell Robertson singing the national anthem at the EJ Whitten Legends Game.

UP THERE CAZALY

10. UP THERE CAZALY (1980), AS IT APPEARS IN “THE CLUB”

Mike Brady certainly never played league football, but his iconic anthem Up There Cazaly is worth including for a couple of reasons. Firstly, it references the great St Kilda and South Melbourne ruckman Roy Cazaly. But secondly because of its use in the 1980 film The Club, which featured cameos from a range of league footballers, notably Rene Kink as Tank O’Donohue, and a range of Collingwood footballers such as Ray Shaw, Peter Daicos and Ron Wearmouth.

OH WHEN THE SAINTS

11. ST KILDA THEME SONG FOR FILM FESTIVAL (2013)

In a comedic video for the Virgin Australia Film Festival, the Saints appointed a ‘Director of Vocal Performance’ to jazz up their song. It saw the Nick Riewoldt, Jack Steven and Clinton Jones voice training in a fairly funny parody – until they stepped into the rooms to sing their new innovative song. What followed was Ben McEvoy beat-boxing while Nick Riewoldt took centre stage in belting out the new groove-enthused number, in one of the most cringe-worthy football videos of the past decade. A career move that many of the players involved wouldn’t mind taking back.

Originally published as The best and worst music videos from VFL/AFL footballers