World Day of Remembrance for Road Traffic Victims: Geelong mums use their trauma to help others treat and prevent their own

Geelong mums who lost children to car crashes are using their own experiences to help treat and prevent the trauma of others. They share their stories on World Day of Remembrance for Road Traffic Victims.

Rosie Cattanach's mum Janine is weilding her own trauma to help children with theirs: Glenn Ferguson

TWO Geelong mums whose children were killed in car crashes are using their own tragic experiences to help treat and prevent the trauma of others. HARRISON TIPPET speaks to the pair about their missions to use their own pain to help others with theirs.

Janine Cattanach had no idea why the police were standing on her doorstep.

It was a Sunday afternoon in May 2016, and the mother of two invited the officers inside, wondering why they might be visiting her Torquay home.

Her 15-year-old daughter Rosie was the only family member not home at the time, but Janine didn’t make the connection between the presence of these solemn police officers and absence of her beloved child.

“I got a knock on the door from the police at 3.30 on a Sunday afternoon,” Janine explains six years later while sitting in the plush blue chair of her child play therapy room in suburban Geelong.

Janine is using her painful experience to help children deal with their own complex trauma. Picture: Brad Fleet

“It took me a while to understand, because they went to talk to me separately and I was like ‘no, it’s OK, have I done something wrong?’ I just had no idea. Then as I was going up the stairs I thought ‘oh my son’s here, my dad’s here, and Rosie’s not’. And they got up and told me that she died.

“You expect things to happen in life, but I just didn’t expect that. Your whole world just changes.”

Janine remembers the police visit as the second worst moment of her life, just behind having to get dressed for Rosie’s funeral a few days later.

“I would have taken my arm off if I didn’t have to do that,” she says quietly, her voice cracking, as the bright room full of colourful kids’ toys fills with her anguish.

Kate Cattanach – who the family began calling Rosie after her death, in line with their Aboriginal beliefs – died when a car driven by her 14-year-old friend slammed into a pole in Hamilton, about 200km west of Geelong.

Janine had no idea the teens were driving the car on local roads, and was later told they had reached speeds of up to 100km/h directly before the crash.

Rosie Cattanach with her great-grandmother Rose.

After Rosie’s death, Janine developed post-traumatic stress disorder, and says she was fortunate to be surrounded by friends and family who supported her to work through the immensity of her grief and trauma.

In doing so, she also saw her career move into a new direction, where she could harness her own pain to help children with theirs.

“Before Rosie died, I was studying a Master of child play therapy at Deakin, and I was asked if I wanted to work with really complex trauma children at the time, and I said ‘no, I’m not ready’,” Janine says.

“I just remember always going ‘there’s something I’m missing’, and that level complexity of trauma sort of scared me. It felt so big that I didn’t want to do more harm.

“Then I remember after Rosie died, I thought, ‘oh, I can hold that space now’.”

Janine now runs Connect Play Therapy at Yilimu’s House – using Rosie’s Aboriginal name – providing specialist therapy to children, particularly those experiencing complex trauma.

As a Marrithiyel woman, Janine blends western and Aboriginal perspectives in her therapeutic approach, while also using her own intimate understanding of trauma to work towards better outcomes for her clients.

“I think I always would have gone down that path, but I just think I have a deeper understanding of the pain that people experience, and I can sit with it in a different way,” she says.

“So sitting in a deep space with children, their pain is OK for me to hold because I have held my own.”

Janine’s story of trauma is also one of hope.

“It doesn’t matter how broken someone’s spirit is, we can always grow it strong. And there’s hope in that – you won’t always feel this pain,” she says.

“There is hope, and things do get better.”

Gerardine Eales also received the dreaded police knock on her front door in 2016, but this devastated mother was already prepared for their visit.

A friend had driven past the car crash that killed Gerardine’s son Jackson earlier that Boxing Day, and while the family was frantically trying to contact the 27-year-old scaffolder, a major TV channel had broadcast images of his crumpled ute – and of him being intubated by paramedics.

Gerardine Eales son Jackson was fatally injured in a road accident on December 26, 2016. Gerardine now gives seminars to offenders. Picture: Alan Barber

By the time the police arrived a local radio station had already shared news the driver of the ute had died, after a truck ran a stop sign and smashed through the car.

The ultimate confirmation of Jackson’s death brought by the police officers shattered the worlds of Gerardine and Jackson’s brother and three sisters, with the broken mum developing major depression and post-traumatic stress disorder.

But the police had also brought a pamphlet that would soon offer Gerardine an avenue to build a legacy for her son.

Road Trauma Support Services Victoria – now named Amber Community – has offered counselling, support and education services to any Victorian affected by a road incident since its launch in 1994.

Police often bring a pamphlet for the group to the family members impacted by road trauma, as they did to Gerardine’s house – eventually leading her to volunteer to speak at seminars for road offenders in a bid to ensure they aren’t one day responsible for causing trauma such as her own.

“It took me a long time to come around, because I mentally wasn’t very well,” Gerardine says. “After the maybe three-year mark, I’d been following their pages for so long and we’d been on the annual remembrance walks, and I just felt like volunteering would be something good to do.”

“I just like to think it’s a bit of a legacy for Jack, because we keep his memory alive by doing something positive.”

Gerardine says she always shows a picture of her son during the seminars, to show how easily a big, burly, “bullet proof” young man could be killed by a single action on the road.

“That’s one of the things that does strike a chord, when they see a photo they realise it’s not just a number, this is somebody they can relate to,” she says.

She also gets into the “nitty gritty” of her own pain, to show how the ripple effect of road trauma spreads far beyond just the victim.

“What I do is tend to tell the story of how I found out, and the shock, and just the overwhelming disbelief as much as anything,” she says. “I always say I kissed Jack goodbye on Christmas night at 11.30 and said ‘I love you’, and those were the last words I said to him alive, face-to-face.”

“Obviously the attendees have been in trouble one way or another with speeding or drink-driving or whatever, but they’ve all got mums and dads. I think that hits home as well, that ‘s--t, this could be my mum’ or ‘I could do this to somebody else’s mum’.

“I think that mother’s perspective is huge, it’s a big reality check for them, and I think that makes a big, big difference. You can always see the shock on their faces.

“I really do wish them all well. It’s a second-chance program, and this is where we really can make a difference.”

Gerardine and her family plan to join other Victorians impacted by road trauma at Sunday’s Time for Remembering ceremony at Parliament House, organised by Amber Community.

Amber Community offers free information and counselling to anyone impacted by a road incident. For more information call 1300 367 797 or visit ambercommunity.org.au

Originally published as World Day of Remembrance for Road Traffic Victims: Geelong mums use their trauma to help others treat and prevent their own